And this is apparently a busy night on the Square as even though we've established it's 3am, Bianca is sitting in the kitchen (with the lights off to indicate she's depressed) and Alfie and Poxy are both awake... and about to make the beast with the two backs. They're certainly trying to help the nation stay trim...
Abi is rumbled by her mother and after her flimsy lie falls apart, she admits that she was at Jay's. Leaving her mother looking baffled.
Morning has broken and Ian is sneaking out of the B&B... apparently telling women you almost offed yourself is quite an aphrodisiac... but Kim hears the door slamming and Denise utterly fails to deflect the question of who she slept with.
Tanya lays down the law for Abi and then asks Abi if she is having "the sex". Abi points out that with her parents, it's a miracle she hasn't tried to seduce someone to bury Jay alive by now... or words to that effect. Checkmate, Tanya.
Bianca tries to lure Liam into telling the truth but predictably, he says nothing.
Alfie tells porkies to Poxy about going to the lawyer but Patrick is there and he knows that he's lying!
Kim quizzes Ray as to whether he slept with Denise. Kim's primitive brain has now narrowed the list of potential suspects down to any man on planet Earth minus Ray.
Tamwar, now being the hero of the battle of Walford market has both Goonie AND Jacknocchio tell him that they're keeping an eye out for the multi-ethnic youffffffffffffffffff gang that beat him up. How very reassuring for him.
Oh, wow. Max remembers that he still has kids! Someone ought to remind Jack.
Misery guts Carol the world's greatest detective settles down with Bianca to try and work out why Liam would have Tamwar's money belt. Despite ALL the evidence there is, Carol INSISTS that it's not Liam's fault and somehow convinces Bianca of this... clearly they're working the Sherlock Holmes angle - once you eliminate the impossible and such.
Alfie comes clean and tells Poxy what anyone that has any knowledge of the real world would know - that as he's not the biological father of Tommy and hasn't any formal legal relationship to him, his rights are precisely zero in the eyes of the law. How could anyone be surprised by this?
Shirley materialises from whatever pocket dimension she is stored in ninety percent of the time and tells Bianca that Liam is hanging out with a youffffffffffffff gang!
Tanya and Abi have a very prosaic "you're growing up" talk. Yawn.
DCI Kim is still trying to track down Denise's mystery man, aided by a belt buckle...
Parole officer perv and misery guts Carol are getting on like a house on fire - which makes Masood sad but it's OK because they've got two hundred pounds toward Tamwar's tuition! Just the best part of twenty grand to go then.
Bianca is still in the laundrette and is only just NOW getting to talk to Dot. Possibly not the best person to get advice on raising a child from a woman who raised a drug using psychopath who has tried to kill her on more than one occasion...
Kim's investigations into the Phantom Shagger #2 come to an end when Skeletor walks in and says that the belt is Ian's. Oh dear.
It appears that concern about the Walford PD suffering budget cuts were premature as two police officers - one a DCI - appear for another housecall and it would seem that Bianca is going to cover for her son BUT FOR HOW LONG?!
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