Lauren is the butt of Tanya and Abi's joke as they tease her for laundering, then she heads out and Cora accuses her of thieving her money. Cora tries to play coy.
Sensing a Phil plot imminent, Shirley lurks near the gardens as Deni plays within, shouting to Phil.
Pointless Poppy and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur are still intent on supporting Dot's attempt to become church warden. The heart pounding action doesn't let up!
Shirley gives Phil a hard time about Deni and tells him he needs to put Sharon straight... why? He made it pretty clear, several times.
Tanya doesn't believe that Lauren could steal from Cora! She really is slow.
Max has bought something for the nursery - for the non-existent baby. Awkward!
King Phil turns up to the Arches in a bad mood and takes it out on the feckless cretins that work there... well, they had the audacity to lie to him. Three jobs in a morning? The Arches is lucky to get that a MONTH. Hell, a YEAR. That would be like Max swaggering into the Vic telling everyone he'd sold five cars.
More pointless Dot drama!
King Phil is being stroppy with Janine at the club - funny, it seemed like they'd both forgotten it existed - before Sharon turns up. Phil asks after Dennis and plays nice... one of his characteristic changes of heart, eh?
Lauren has apparently thrown up on her clothes and not noticed! Anyway, she confides in Abi she thieved from Cora to buy booze.
Turns out Lola isn't sleeping because she's trying to raise Lexi herself.
Even more pointless Dot drama!
Sharon seems to think King Phil is the best thing since sliced bread when it comes to raising kids - presumably due to him still being in mother goose mode. Then she tries to put the moves on him. Then has the audacity to say that she was just there for her son before stropping off. Sure you were, you lying whore.
Abi apparently thinks that being in a romantic relationship means that you can demand money from your partner... Classy. Oh and then from Dexter Fletcher. Stay classy.
For reasons beyond the ken of mortal man, Phil is considering calling Sharon but then Lexi to the rescue as Lola drops her off.
Tanya confronts Lauren about her thieving but as she's an idiot, makes a right hash of things and she strops off just as Max comes in and the worst thing she could possibly do is tell Lauren's father about this problem. GENIUS! Then she goes off for a drink but isn't served at the Vic and gets herself in a tizz. Fortunately a big glass of water is on hand to comfort her.
Oh, wait - it's Joey. Evil Lucy - somehow KNOWING this is happening despite being inside the caff, comes out and tells Joey to help her with the bins, which he does... and this results in Lauren giving evil Lucy one of those indecisive slap/punches that women seem to do in Walford, which knocks her to the ground... and then she starts wielding a sugar shaker as if it's a grenade and whoops, it went through the cafffffffffffffffffff's window AND SHE HASN'T EVEN HAD A DRINK!
Thursday 30 May 2013
Wednesday 29th May 2013
The Lips continues her tissue thin lies.
Tanya apologies to Dot for her daughter's thieving - then comes the shouting.
Deadbeat Dad tries to be civil to Ava and Dexter Fletcher - oh dear.
Kim decides to make a change. DUN DUN DUN!
Climate change certainly has made for weird weather in Walford as it's snowing at the end of June... no one even remarks upon this. Turns out Lauren is going to work in the laundrette with Cora.
The excitement turns up a notch when Dot's chance to become a church warden are discussed. Although, they're scuppered when Pointless Poppy and ARFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR decide to help.
Tanya tells the hilarious lie to The Lips that Max is a good father... So good you wanted to bury him alive? And why does Kirstie wear hula hoops on her ears?
Ava browbeats her son into having lunch with her...
Lauren's laundrette experience drags on... maybe she'll be snowed in?!
Deadbeat Dad introduces himself to Max in the Vic, they both agree that Cora is a terrible person. Then Ava comes along to rain on their parade.
The Lips has a genius plan - CANCEL THE APPOINTMENT!
Kim is clearly upset about breaking up with Ray.
Deadbeat Dad gets a hilariously hypocritical message from Cora... you can't just swan into someone's life. Oh, right. You mean like you did, you daft old bat?
Dot schmoozes Poxy, to practice her "people skills" as envisaged by Pointless Poppy.
Kim's mental breakdown nears as she declares "NEW KIM IS COMIN'!"
Cora finally gets around to asking Lauren about her drinking problem but then Dot comes round. She's trying to sweet talk Cora but things inevitably go wrong when she sees Lauren - because apparently now Lauren STOLE the money... get a grip, Dot! You practically threw it at her.
Max - having been told by The Lips that the appointment was cancelled - turns up to shout his incoherent word slurry at a bewildered receptionist who is presumably struggling both with the incoherent noise he's making, the fact neanderthals are alive and well and that people wear hula hoops on their ears asks him to slow down. Before the receptionist can reveal the truth, Kirstie has a panic attack.
Ava and Deadbeat Dad shouty shouty. Hey, remember when Ava seemed to be a normal person and not one of the cookie cutter Walford shrieking harridans? The Crayon Crew don't!
Kirstie does a runner from the clinic.
After having told Tanya that Lauren was a good girl, Cora finds her wallet a little lighter... and then we see the wayward teen with a bottle of wine. Clearly, Tanya's plan to stop her drinking was flawless!
Kim decides not to change her look - thus rendering the entire subplot... COMPLETELY POINTLESS!
Kirstie tries to come clean about the pregnancy but unfortunately, Max can't keep his mouth shut long enough to hear her confession. What a plonker.
Tanya apologies to Dot for her daughter's thieving - then comes the shouting.
Deadbeat Dad tries to be civil to Ava and Dexter Fletcher - oh dear.
Kim decides to make a change. DUN DUN DUN!
Climate change certainly has made for weird weather in Walford as it's snowing at the end of June... no one even remarks upon this. Turns out Lauren is going to work in the laundrette with Cora.
The excitement turns up a notch when Dot's chance to become a church warden are discussed. Although, they're scuppered when Pointless Poppy and ARFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR decide to help.
Tanya tells the hilarious lie to The Lips that Max is a good father... So good you wanted to bury him alive? And why does Kirstie wear hula hoops on her ears?
Ava browbeats her son into having lunch with her...
Lauren's laundrette experience drags on... maybe she'll be snowed in?!
Deadbeat Dad introduces himself to Max in the Vic, they both agree that Cora is a terrible person. Then Ava comes along to rain on their parade.
The Lips has a genius plan - CANCEL THE APPOINTMENT!
Kim is clearly upset about breaking up with Ray.
Deadbeat Dad gets a hilariously hypocritical message from Cora... you can't just swan into someone's life. Oh, right. You mean like you did, you daft old bat?
Dot schmoozes Poxy, to practice her "people skills" as envisaged by Pointless Poppy.
Kim's mental breakdown nears as she declares "NEW KIM IS COMIN'!"
Cora finally gets around to asking Lauren about her drinking problem but then Dot comes round. She's trying to sweet talk Cora but things inevitably go wrong when she sees Lauren - because apparently now Lauren STOLE the money... get a grip, Dot! You practically threw it at her.
Max - having been told by The Lips that the appointment was cancelled - turns up to shout his incoherent word slurry at a bewildered receptionist who is presumably struggling both with the incoherent noise he's making, the fact neanderthals are alive and well and that people wear hula hoops on their ears asks him to slow down. Before the receptionist can reveal the truth, Kirstie has a panic attack.
Ava and Deadbeat Dad shouty shouty. Hey, remember when Ava seemed to be a normal person and not one of the cookie cutter Walford shrieking harridans? The Crayon Crew don't!
Kirstie does a runner from the clinic.
After having told Tanya that Lauren was a good girl, Cora finds her wallet a little lighter... and then we see the wayward teen with a bottle of wine. Clearly, Tanya's plan to stop her drinking was flawless!
Kim decides not to change her look - thus rendering the entire subplot... COMPLETELY POINTLESS!
Kirstie tries to come clean about the pregnancy but unfortunately, Max can't keep his mouth shut long enough to hear her confession. What a plonker.
Tuesday 28 May 2013
Tuesday 28th May 2013
It's Kim's birthday and apparently they're celebrating her imminent departure from the Square... it can't come soon enough but Denise is apparently not telling her something. DUN DUN DUN!
Tanya wakes Lauren up by pouring water over her... why does she always sleep on the sofa?
Denise points that Kim moving out means she won't be able to run the business, also she and Ray JUST got back together and she's moving in with him... valid points which Kim responds to by flouncing off.
Sharon is telling her son yet another pack of lies - seriously, this Kinder Egg kid is going to be an emotional car crash before he even HITS puberty - and then Shirley pops up, like a mysterious stranger but instead of giving useful advice, it's just the usual "Phil is bad." Eastenders - never afraid to stick with just that one note!
Tanya engages in step one of Lauren alcoholism skirmish because after months and months NOW is the time to act... and not by getting her into counselling or anything just by giving her a talking to.
Even The Lips seems to be realising the immense levels of her own stupidity as Max brags to Dot about going for a scan - and obviously, Dot has to prattle on about knowing it's a boy. Sigh.
Kim gets a cocktail in the Vic and because the plot requires it, Ray has been to Walford General for a personality transplant over the bank holiday weekend and has become all manipulative and controlling - despite never having shown any signs of this before. Fortunately, Denise highlighted all of these previously non-existent traits earlier so that Kim isn't shocked.
Half-Day Alice continues to be a part to the Count Moonula machinations but Pointless Poppy tells her she needs to stand up to Michael and Janine.
Tanya asks Denise not to serve Lauren alcohol but again, showing insight uncommon for Walford - Denise points out that if Lauren wants to get drunk, she'll manage and given she's in one of the largest cities in the world... it seems pretty much a given she'll find somewhere to sell her booze. WHICH IS WHY SHE SHOULD BE GETTING COUNSELLING!
Lauren goes for a chat with Dot - apparently (and make sure you're not drinking anything) she can't talk to her mother because she's always "wrapped up in work". That is laugh out loud funny, it really is - spoken mere moments after we see Tanya walking around the Square doing anything BUT work. Then she cons Dot into giving her some money... the council clearly waived the thousands of pounds in arrears as well as ignoring proper legal procedure. GRITTY REALISM!
Half-Day Alice seems pleased when Janine shows a shred of human decency and lets her go to the party... that IS pretty surprising.
King Phil again shows why it's good to be king because he's the only person in Walford that can call Sharon on her obvious lies because when she comes saying she's there for her freakish son, he sees through the ruse immediately. He did miss a prime opportunity to tell her to sling 'er 'ook though. Oh well.
Morgan, Kim and Ray are playing some manner of game console because Ray has actually managed to remember that the reason he moved to the Square was to be near his estranged son. Said son remarks on the fact that him moving away won't be the same... Oh and Ray forgets to include Kim when he says family, UHOH!
Lauren gets turned down for buying booze at the shop, only for Evil Lucy to snarkily say her mother has pulled out "all the stops" because the Vic and the shop are the ONLY places in London that sell booze, of course! GRITTY REALISM!
Count Moonula gives Half-Day Alice a predictable hard time for going to the party against his behest.
Lauren having heard about Kim's party plays the dutiful daughter to her mother... for all of two minutes because next thing you know, she has rolled up to said party, apparently already drunk... it's starting to seem as if just a proximity to alcohol makes the girl drunk.
Phil has one of his characteristic changes of heart and says Dennis can come and visit ANY time.
The new Ray is talking about how Essex will be a good place for Kim to better herself... That's not controlling or manipulative, that's like asking water to stop being wet... Does going to Essex necessarily entail social refinement - there seem to be several television programmes dedicated to showing how it's a breeding ground for sub-humanoids who future generations will presumably have to purify with fire... but then, upon reflection - that WOULD still be a step up from Walford. Even after it was razed to the ground by atomic fire.
Denise tells Lauren to stop drinking but she ignores her and again showing uncanny insight for a Walford resident, she just calls Tanya (totally taken in by her daughter's two seconds of good behaviour) who is shocked that she'd be at a party. Quite. How could that two second peptalk have failed?! Needless to say, in true Lauren style - she's already five or six sheets to the wind at Kim's as she practically accosts her friends, demanding to dance.
SUDDENLY! A WILD CAKE APPEARS! LAUREN USES DRUNKEN DANCING! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! If you didn't see that one coming, you need your eyes checked. Tanya immediately springs forth to escort her daughter home... and then Pointless Poppy presents Kim with the most hidious orange his and hers... "onesies" ever, Ray reacting with the kind of disgust most men approaching middle age would.
Lauren is already throwing up - good grief, she goes from sober to plastered to puking to passed out faster than most people put on a pair of shoes. Tanya and Max then have a conversation where she lies about Lauren for... no good reason because that makes total sense and isn't a contrived way to generate artificial tension!
What's a good place to take a baby? A party because Janine turns up to unload her baby on Alice... who then just jaunts off herself. We're then treated to the sight of Kim looking more awful than usual in her orange jumpsuit... is she getting ready to go to jail in the USA? Then Ray says it's time for them to say their goodbyes... wait, why did they have to leave DURING their own party?
For some reason, being handed a baby unexpectedly causes Alice's brain to break and she goes into the shop and steals some granulated gravy. DUN DUN DUN!
Shirley unironically comments on how Kim isn't going to the moon... actually, if it wasn't obvious from Ray's sudden personality transplant that Kim wasn't going to go through with this, she'd be in contact more often if she was on the moon. Anyway, Kim has her epiphany that Ray isn't the man for her because he doesn't "get her" and a bunch of other generic problems that were never mentioned before. Another great Walford romance ends not with a bang but a "did anyone give a damn?"
Tanya wakes Lauren up by pouring water over her... why does she always sleep on the sofa?
Denise points that Kim moving out means she won't be able to run the business, also she and Ray JUST got back together and she's moving in with him... valid points which Kim responds to by flouncing off.
Sharon is telling her son yet another pack of lies - seriously, this Kinder Egg kid is going to be an emotional car crash before he even HITS puberty - and then Shirley pops up, like a mysterious stranger but instead of giving useful advice, it's just the usual "Phil is bad." Eastenders - never afraid to stick with just that one note!
Tanya engages in step one of Lauren alcoholism skirmish because after months and months NOW is the time to act... and not by getting her into counselling or anything just by giving her a talking to.
Even The Lips seems to be realising the immense levels of her own stupidity as Max brags to Dot about going for a scan - and obviously, Dot has to prattle on about knowing it's a boy. Sigh.
Kim gets a cocktail in the Vic and because the plot requires it, Ray has been to Walford General for a personality transplant over the bank holiday weekend and has become all manipulative and controlling - despite never having shown any signs of this before. Fortunately, Denise highlighted all of these previously non-existent traits earlier so that Kim isn't shocked.
Half-Day Alice continues to be a part to the Count Moonula machinations but Pointless Poppy tells her she needs to stand up to Michael and Janine.
Tanya asks Denise not to serve Lauren alcohol but again, showing insight uncommon for Walford - Denise points out that if Lauren wants to get drunk, she'll manage and given she's in one of the largest cities in the world... it seems pretty much a given she'll find somewhere to sell her booze. WHICH IS WHY SHE SHOULD BE GETTING COUNSELLING!
Lauren goes for a chat with Dot - apparently (and make sure you're not drinking anything) she can't talk to her mother because she's always "wrapped up in work". That is laugh out loud funny, it really is - spoken mere moments after we see Tanya walking around the Square doing anything BUT work. Then she cons Dot into giving her some money... the council clearly waived the thousands of pounds in arrears as well as ignoring proper legal procedure. GRITTY REALISM!
Half-Day Alice seems pleased when Janine shows a shred of human decency and lets her go to the party... that IS pretty surprising.
King Phil again shows why it's good to be king because he's the only person in Walford that can call Sharon on her obvious lies because when she comes saying she's there for her freakish son, he sees through the ruse immediately. He did miss a prime opportunity to tell her to sling 'er 'ook though. Oh well.
Morgan, Kim and Ray are playing some manner of game console because Ray has actually managed to remember that the reason he moved to the Square was to be near his estranged son. Said son remarks on the fact that him moving away won't be the same... Oh and Ray forgets to include Kim when he says family, UHOH!
Lauren gets turned down for buying booze at the shop, only for Evil Lucy to snarkily say her mother has pulled out "all the stops" because the Vic and the shop are the ONLY places in London that sell booze, of course! GRITTY REALISM!
Count Moonula gives Half-Day Alice a predictable hard time for going to the party against his behest.
Lauren having heard about Kim's party plays the dutiful daughter to her mother... for all of two minutes because next thing you know, she has rolled up to said party, apparently already drunk... it's starting to seem as if just a proximity to alcohol makes the girl drunk.
Phil has one of his characteristic changes of heart and says Dennis can come and visit ANY time.
The new Ray is talking about how Essex will be a good place for Kim to better herself... That's not controlling or manipulative, that's like asking water to stop being wet... Does going to Essex necessarily entail social refinement - there seem to be several television programmes dedicated to showing how it's a breeding ground for sub-humanoids who future generations will presumably have to purify with fire... but then, upon reflection - that WOULD still be a step up from Walford. Even after it was razed to the ground by atomic fire.
Denise tells Lauren to stop drinking but she ignores her and again showing uncanny insight for a Walford resident, she just calls Tanya (totally taken in by her daughter's two seconds of good behaviour) who is shocked that she'd be at a party. Quite. How could that two second peptalk have failed?! Needless to say, in true Lauren style - she's already five or six sheets to the wind at Kim's as she practically accosts her friends, demanding to dance.
SUDDENLY! A WILD CAKE APPEARS! LAUREN USES DRUNKEN DANCING! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! If you didn't see that one coming, you need your eyes checked. Tanya immediately springs forth to escort her daughter home... and then Pointless Poppy presents Kim with the most hidious orange his and hers... "onesies" ever, Ray reacting with the kind of disgust most men approaching middle age would.
Lauren is already throwing up - good grief, she goes from sober to plastered to puking to passed out faster than most people put on a pair of shoes. Tanya and Max then have a conversation where she lies about Lauren for... no good reason because that makes total sense and isn't a contrived way to generate artificial tension!
What's a good place to take a baby? A party because Janine turns up to unload her baby on Alice... who then just jaunts off herself. We're then treated to the sight of Kim looking more awful than usual in her orange jumpsuit... is she getting ready to go to jail in the USA? Then Ray says it's time for them to say their goodbyes... wait, why did they have to leave DURING their own party?
For some reason, being handed a baby unexpectedly causes Alice's brain to break and she goes into the shop and steals some granulated gravy. DUN DUN DUN!
Shirley unironically comments on how Kim isn't going to the moon... actually, if it wasn't obvious from Ray's sudden personality transplant that Kim wasn't going to go through with this, she'd be in contact more often if she was on the moon. Anyway, Kim has her epiphany that Ray isn't the man for her because he doesn't "get her" and a bunch of other generic problems that were never mentioned before. Another great Walford romance ends not with a bang but a "did anyone give a damn?"
Friday 24 May 2013
Friday 24th May 2013
Lauren slinks in to the kitchen but SURPRISE! It's not booze!
Kirstie apparently hasn't learned how locks work as Max WALKS IN ON HER IN THE TOILET. Stay classy Max. He also pries the phone from her hand to call the SUPER DEREK CRIME BOSS('s brother) to tell him to stay away and then absconds with his wife's phone despite her protestations.
King Phil deflates as the lack of Lexi gets to him.
Kirstie turns up to get her phone back but Max is not obliging and she only gets it back due to him being distracted.
Cora tells Tanya that Lauren reminds her of her at that age.
Ray has been staying over at the B&B and it seems that Sharon has moved in there too.
Cora gives Lauren a peptalk... she's big on those today!
Jack tries to help Sharon but that's immediately thrown back in his face - no good deed...
Arffffffffffffffuuuur gets roped into cooking due to a family emergency for Ray... because it's totally legal and reasonable to get bar staff in the kitchen.
Max continues to badger The Lips about her evil ex and then he goes to see Jack in the warehouse - which has a couple of people! Jack's expert opinion is that The Lips is all about 'ard men.
Lauren is in the salon and lies to her mother about having friends - no one in Walford has friends! They have A friend (tops).
Ray's family emergency apparently lasted all of five minutes and now Kim is in the mix. Goodness.
Dot has reappeared from nowhere - or whatever creature that has now replaced Dot - someone has been thieving from the local church and inevitably, Dot is
Having done some work at the salon, Tanya hands her alcoholic daughter money and encourages her to have a bottle of wine... GREAT PARENTING!
Ray is under pressure because of his daughter! Isn't she supposed to be staying with her mother? And are the two or three meals the Vic has a week really sufficient to tax a professional Anyway, he wants to spend time with his daughter but a conveniently placed Patrick is there to tell him it'll break Kim's heart... just as well she's stupid enough to forget it after she sees something shiny.
Max is doing his best to be an 'ard man by turning up to get a beating. Seems as if he remembered what happened last time and had his own back-up in the form of Jack... because that's totally going to put off a criminal low life and not encourage retaliation!
Kim takes the news of Ray's departure pretty well.
Tanya asks Sharon what went wrong with King Phil - lies ensue! Then she tries to get back with Phil, he's having none of it!
Lauren is in the allotments when Patrick comes upon her boozing.
Max seems very pleased with himself when he goes to see The Lips but she tells him he's an idiot.
Ray decides to take Kim away with him... which might be a big deal if she didn't live within easy travel distance.
Lauren reveals to Patrick she has no friends and that her life is terrible and he tells her to go home and tell her mother.
The Lips does her passive aggressive best to show she's unhappy with Max but he promises he can protect her!
Tanya has potentially twigged that Lauren has an alcohol problem (again). Oh and Lauren says she's not going to stop because she likes it.
Kirstie apparently hasn't learned how locks work as Max WALKS IN ON HER IN THE TOILET. Stay classy Max. He also pries the phone from her hand to call the SUPER DEREK CRIME BOSS('s brother) to tell him to stay away and then absconds with his wife's phone despite her protestations.
King Phil deflates as the lack of Lexi gets to him.
Kirstie turns up to get her phone back but Max is not obliging and she only gets it back due to him being distracted.
Cora tells Tanya that Lauren reminds her of her at that age.
Ray has been staying over at the B&B and it seems that Sharon has moved in there too.
Cora gives Lauren a peptalk... she's big on those today!
Jack tries to help Sharon but that's immediately thrown back in his face - no good deed...
Arffffffffffffffuuuur gets roped into cooking due to a family emergency for Ray... because it's totally legal and reasonable to get bar staff in the kitchen.
Max continues to badger The Lips about her evil ex and then he goes to see Jack in the warehouse - which has a couple of people! Jack's expert opinion is that The Lips is all about 'ard men.
Lauren is in the salon and lies to her mother about having friends - no one in Walford has friends! They have A friend (tops).
Ray's family emergency apparently lasted all of five minutes and now Kim is in the mix. Goodness.
Dot has reappeared from nowhere - or whatever creature that has now replaced Dot - someone has been thieving from the local church and inevitably, Dot is
Having done some work at the salon, Tanya hands her alcoholic daughter money and encourages her to have a bottle of wine... GREAT PARENTING!
Ray is under pressure because of his daughter! Isn't she supposed to be staying with her mother? And are the two or three meals the Vic has a week really sufficient to tax a professional Anyway, he wants to spend time with his daughter but a conveniently placed Patrick is there to tell him it'll break Kim's heart... just as well she's stupid enough to forget it after she sees something shiny.
Max is doing his best to be an 'ard man by turning up to get a beating. Seems as if he remembered what happened last time and had his own back-up in the form of Jack... because that's totally going to put off a criminal low life and not encourage retaliation!
Kim takes the news of Ray's departure pretty well.
Tanya asks Sharon what went wrong with King Phil - lies ensue! Then she tries to get back with Phil, he's having none of it!
Lauren is in the allotments when Patrick comes upon her boozing.
Max seems very pleased with himself when he goes to see The Lips but she tells him he's an idiot.
Ray decides to take Kim away with him... which might be a big deal if she didn't live within easy travel distance.
Lauren reveals to Patrick she has no friends and that her life is terrible and he tells her to go home and tell her mother.
The Lips does her passive aggressive best to show she's unhappy with Max but he promises he can protect her!
Tanya has potentially twigged that Lauren has an alcohol problem (again). Oh and Lauren says she's not going to stop because she likes it.
Thursday 23 May 2013
Thursday 23rd May 2013
Lola has started having nightmares about not having Lexi... just the other day she was having a panic attack about having her back. People don't half run hot and cold in Walford!
Lauren was drunk again, sick and everything - which begs the question how is she paying for all this boozing? Her mother is clearly not best pleased with it - although, she'll probably be ignoring it again soon enough - and as Lauren hasn't started her job yet, it seems likely that she's being funded by the bank of mum and dad...
Kirstie still isn't preggers, which causes her to snap at Poxy (who is going on about her attempts to get a bun in the oven).
Lola's big day in court and everyone is giving her the generic pep talk. King Phil then drops the bombshell that Sharon won't be coming... you'd think that would cause Lola to jump for joy but not, she simply gets more agitated but if there's an event that doesn't exacerbate the agitation of people in Eastenders (although, most especially the womenfolk).
Masood is invited around for tea with Carol en familie. Goodness.
The machinations of Moonula come to fruition as Half-Day Alice delivers him his daughter in the park for a secret visit.
Jack (yes, he's still back - sigh) and Tanya decide to have a chat to Lauren. Instead of addressing her alcohol abuse, a couple of sentences from them about being worried about her and all she has to do is assure them she's going to get back to her college work (whatever it might be)... and they're back to not being worried!
At the court, mere moments after King Phil has decreed Sharon won't be coming, everyone's least favourite human comes clippity clop, clippity clop into the court house. Lola's immediate reaction is to look as if a knife wielding maniac covered in blood has just entered the room... which is what a normal person would do if they saw Sharon coming their way, so well done to her for that but Sharon is looking very pleased with herself for some reason.
Max finds Kirstie at home and is surprised she's not at work - funny, shouldn't you be at work too? Then it turns out that someone is getting out of prison and Kirstie is scared!
King Phil exposes Sharon's drug use and showing what a guileless creature she is, Lola admits to knowing of Sharon's problem. Oops. This is obviously a prime time for King Phil to kick off at not just Sharon but Lola AND Billy Idiot too - great timing, just great. Then he storms off.
It turns out Kirstie's ex-Carl (or maybe Karl?) is TEN TIMES WORSE THAN DEREK! And he's going to track her down like a blood hound!
Billy Idiot stands in front of King Phil's car, having stopped being an invertebrate for a brief period of time. He goes on to give the usual heart warming speech about how he loves Lola and how Lexi won't make up for Phil's mistakes but proceedings still get under way without him.
Michael has in fact, taken liberties with Half-Day Alice's generosity.
Phil returns to the court and after a long dramatic pause, says Lola would be a great mother.
Masood has to bail on his date with Misery Guts Carol because Christian and Syed are sick... weren't they off traveling the globe?
Lola is happy to have Lexi back. Aww.
Tanya realises that Lauren was just doodling in her notebook and sighs. What's that supposed to mean?!
King Phil sits alone in his house. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
The episode ends on the shocking cliffhanger of Lola putting Lexi to bed.
Lauren was drunk again, sick and everything - which begs the question how is she paying for all this boozing? Her mother is clearly not best pleased with it - although, she'll probably be ignoring it again soon enough - and as Lauren hasn't started her job yet, it seems likely that she's being funded by the bank of mum and dad...
Kirstie still isn't preggers, which causes her to snap at Poxy (who is going on about her attempts to get a bun in the oven).
Lola's big day in court and everyone is giving her the generic pep talk. King Phil then drops the bombshell that Sharon won't be coming... you'd think that would cause Lola to jump for joy but not, she simply gets more agitated but if there's an event that doesn't exacerbate the agitation of people in Eastenders (although, most especially the womenfolk).
Masood is invited around for tea with Carol en familie. Goodness.
The machinations of Moonula come to fruition as Half-Day Alice delivers him his daughter in the park for a secret visit.
Jack (yes, he's still back - sigh) and Tanya decide to have a chat to Lauren. Instead of addressing her alcohol abuse, a couple of sentences from them about being worried about her and all she has to do is assure them she's going to get back to her college work (whatever it might be)... and they're back to not being worried!
At the court, mere moments after King Phil has decreed Sharon won't be coming, everyone's least favourite human comes clippity clop, clippity clop into the court house. Lola's immediate reaction is to look as if a knife wielding maniac covered in blood has just entered the room... which is what a normal person would do if they saw Sharon coming their way, so well done to her for that but Sharon is looking very pleased with herself for some reason.
Max finds Kirstie at home and is surprised she's not at work - funny, shouldn't you be at work too? Then it turns out that someone is getting out of prison and Kirstie is scared!
King Phil exposes Sharon's drug use and showing what a guileless creature she is, Lola admits to knowing of Sharon's problem. Oops. This is obviously a prime time for King Phil to kick off at not just Sharon but Lola AND Billy Idiot too - great timing, just great. Then he storms off.
It turns out Kirstie's ex-Carl (or maybe Karl?) is TEN TIMES WORSE THAN DEREK! And he's going to track her down like a blood hound!
Billy Idiot stands in front of King Phil's car, having stopped being an invertebrate for a brief period of time. He goes on to give the usual heart warming speech about how he loves Lola and how Lexi won't make up for Phil's mistakes but proceedings still get under way without him.
Michael has in fact, taken liberties with Half-Day Alice's generosity.
Phil returns to the court and after a long dramatic pause, says Lola would be a great mother.
Masood has to bail on his date with Misery Guts Carol because Christian and Syed are sick... weren't they off traveling the globe?
Lola is happy to have Lexi back. Aww.
Tanya realises that Lauren was just doodling in her notebook and sighs. What's that supposed to mean?!
King Phil sits alone in his house. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
The episode ends on the shocking cliffhanger of Lola putting Lexi to bed.
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Tuesday 21st May 2013
While totally expected, it's still very disappointing that Sharon is alive... King Phil demands to know if Lexi took any pills, despite the fact he found her playing with the bottle and the lid was on it... not to mention he asks the passed out Sharon if she took any and she then proceeds to count them... do people USUALLY keep count of how many pills are in a bottle? Needless to say, King Phil is not best pleased and storm out.
Billy Idiot and Ava are finally having their date - yawn. Oh and Ava says she doesn't want interruptions - so we can guess what's going to happen.
Ray and Kim are flirting again. Dull.
Jack disturbs Max and The Lips mid-coitus... in the portacabin. Whatever floats your boat, eh?
King Phil drops Lexi off on Lola... and Lola is suspicious.
Abi is apparently riled by seeing Lauren drunk, so she insists Jay stop work and take her to a film... Why would this regular turn of events get her in a state?
Jack has nothing to stay in Walford for... good. Now just get out.
Lola is so excited about having Lexi back, she calls Billy Idiot. This prompts him to go on about how he missed so much with her growing up - kind of like your actual kids that you never see or talk about. You'd think they'd rank higher than your granddaughter...
King Phil has rumbled Sharon! Unlike detective Tanya who went pretty much swallowed hook, line and sinker a ridiculous series of lies (some of which she knew were untrue) that Sharon concocted, King Phil is a little more discerning... Which is when Sharon turns nasty or maybe that should be nastier because the implication she's anything other than nasty is patently false.
Michael and Jack meet and Michael isn't best pleased at Jack disappearing. Goodness, that might be the closest we've gotten to consequences for someone's immediate and unannounced departure from the Square in a while...
Lola seems anxious about having Lexi and has so invited all her friends around, presumably for her breakdown later.
Sharon having been provided an opportunity to come clean, naturally continues to do the exact opposite. Which doesn't mean
Kim continues to flirt with Ray - sigh.
Joey - in danger of being overshadowed by the curtain he's standing next to - asks a drunk Lauren to accompany him on a walk.
Lola is still angsting about being a mother.
Sharon continues to be in denial but again, King Phil rumbles her transparent lies... ah, this is rather enjoyable... let's hope a public flogging and humiliating detox by being locked in a room is on the cards!
When Joey doesn't want to kiss, Lauren does some shouting! Then she runs off into the arms of uncle Jack. Just leave, Jack - no on wants you.
Billy Idiot apologises for saying he missed time with Lola. A strange step but it seems to imply Ava may not be as over her ex as she used to be.
The mute Amy somehow sees Jack - who should be a total stranger to her - and waves to him.
Are Kim and Ray back together, it seems like it.
Billy Idiot has cottoned on to Ava being fixated on her ex.
Sharon - despite having attended meetings - is unable to admit that she's an addict and after some chitchat, one of the greatest scenes in recent years occur. The horrifying person of Sharon being forcibly ejected from Phil's house by none other than the King himself!
Monday 20 May 2013
Monday 20th May 2013
King Phil laments the imminent emancipation of Lexi to Sharon, who tells him that nothing is going to change before she clippity clops outside in her hoofheels.
Janine is treating Half-Day Alice like a lackey - according to Billy Idiot... who "has to put up with it". Why? Because she's the only person stupid enough to hire you?
Sharon apparently thinks she spied Jack! DUN DUN DUN!
For some reason DA YOUFFFFFF have to push a car in the market, with Twitney looking at leathery as ever.
And ohoh, Jack really was back. Damnit.
Dexter Fletcher spies his Deadbeat Dad in the caffffffffffff... shouting would ensue if not for an extremely rare occurrence, a timely intervention and from Cora of all people!
Alice moans about Michael using her - it's a bit a late for that, dear... being a pawn in his machinations isn't a half-day job either!
Dexter goes to shout at his mother, presumably to give her a chance to shout some more.
Sharon is on THE DRUGS... but then, Joey interrupts!
Ava goes to have a go at Deadbeat Dad.
Janine tries to be nice to Alice by asking her out to lunch.
Turns out Jack just had a leak but then Sharon announces what kind of woman she is by saying she jumped in bed with Phil in the kind of manner that generally leads to a slap in the face but then she's all poe faced as she rushes off.
The King Phil and Jack stare at each other... that was anti-climactic.
Janine has apparently managed to arrange an intimate lunch for two in her own home at the drop of a hat... Complete with waiter... It makes a change from the caffffffffffffff, at least.
King Phil asks why Sharon didn't tell him about Jack being back. No real answer.
Turns out Alice doesn't like the fancy lunch and neither does Janine.
Proving he's unimaginably tolerant of the world's worst human, Jack tells Sharon he just wants what's best for her and doesn't want to hurt her feelings or anything.
Count Moonula is pleased with the progress Alice is making. DUN DUN DUN!
Kim expresses her bafflement to Billy Idiot about Ray and they then agree both agree to find out they stand with their love interests.
King Phil is being all fatherly with Dennis - which is good because Sharon has pretty much forgotten he exists.
Speaking of the world's worst human being, having mixed alcohol and pills (again), she shouts at Joey for having the impudence to ask where the hell she was.
Lauren is drunk again - when did that happen?!
Lots of nothing and then King Phil returns home to find Sharon passed out and Lexi playing with a bottle of pills like a rattle. It's just disappointing she's not dead, AGAIN.
Janine is treating Half-Day Alice like a lackey - according to Billy Idiot... who "has to put up with it". Why? Because she's the only person stupid enough to hire you?
Sharon apparently thinks she spied Jack! DUN DUN DUN!
For some reason DA YOUFFFFFF have to push a car in the market, with Twitney looking at leathery as ever.
And ohoh, Jack really was back. Damnit.
Dexter Fletcher spies his Deadbeat Dad in the caffffffffffff... shouting would ensue if not for an extremely rare occurrence, a timely intervention and from Cora of all people!
Alice moans about Michael using her - it's a bit a late for that, dear... being a pawn in his machinations isn't a half-day job either!
Dexter goes to shout at his mother, presumably to give her a chance to shout some more.
Sharon is on THE DRUGS... but then, Joey interrupts!
Ava goes to have a go at Deadbeat Dad.
Janine tries to be nice to Alice by asking her out to lunch.
Turns out Jack just had a leak but then Sharon announces what kind of woman she is by saying she jumped in bed with Phil in the kind of manner that generally leads to a slap in the face but then she's all poe faced as she rushes off.
The King Phil and Jack stare at each other... that was anti-climactic.
Janine has apparently managed to arrange an intimate lunch for two in her own home at the drop of a hat... Complete with waiter... It makes a change from the caffffffffffffff, at least.
King Phil asks why Sharon didn't tell him about Jack being back. No real answer.
Turns out Alice doesn't like the fancy lunch and neither does Janine.
Proving he's unimaginably tolerant of the world's worst human, Jack tells Sharon he just wants what's best for her and doesn't want to hurt her feelings or anything.
Count Moonula is pleased with the progress Alice is making. DUN DUN DUN!
Kim expresses her bafflement to Billy Idiot about Ray and they then agree both agree to find out they stand with their love interests.
King Phil is being all fatherly with Dennis - which is good because Sharon has pretty much forgotten he exists.
Speaking of the world's worst human being, having mixed alcohol and pills (again), she shouts at Joey for having the impudence to ask where the hell she was.
Lauren is drunk again - when did that happen?!
Lots of nothing and then King Phil returns home to find Sharon passed out and Lexi playing with a bottle of pills like a rattle. It's just disappointing she's not dead, AGAIN.
Friday 17 May 2013
Friday 17th May 2013
Ava doesn't want Deadbeat Dad to be more than a cliffnote.
Lola is prying into the date Billy Idiot was supposed to have with her Ava but instead of just saying she rescheduled, he lies... because that makes sense.
Kim is still allegedly running a B&B but apparently can't even manage to provide breakfast for her guests (oh and Shirley is back there, having emerged from her torpor... although, you'd think she'd be hung over given the state she was in last night and that one vodka can pretty much comatose Lauren but then, she isn't made of old boot leather). In fact, it's worse than that as an ENTIRE LOAF has gone mouldy... the evidence is mounting that Kim suffers from a severely diminished mental capacity - oh and Deadbeat Dad is staying at the B&B.
Ian is being all business but Evil Lauren gets him to cover for the caffffffffff while she goes off to some meeting.
Count Moonula is telling Half-Day Alice that Janine is the perfect killing machine... well, maybe if the only prey that exists is Barry Evans.
DA YOUFF holiday subplot! Yawn. Deadbeat Dad meets Dexter Fletcher in the caffffffff and Jay and Abi tell him to "help" his mother.
Ava is evasive about rescheduling with Billy Idiot, to whit King Phil says she wouldn't touch him with someone else's barge pole... FINALLY, some realism!
Deadbeat Dad pretends to be with Kim and then gets roped into helping Ian with his builders.
Half-Day Alice makes a mess of things at Janine's...
Abi and Dexter Fletcher discuss plans to get Ava and Deadbeat Dad together...
Elsewhere, Deadbeat Dad is apparently going to single handedly come to Ian's rescue as regards his current problems.
Whitney has reappeared (with a truly unnatural skin colour - it looks as if she mistook a tannery for a tanning salon) and has remembered the wedding.
Half-Day Alice is fretting over Janine.
Denise teaches Kim a lesson about her massive negligence as a business owner... How is she still in business again?
Billy Idiot has realised - not for the first time - he's the Square's loser... Is a suicide in the offing? Fingers crossed.
Deadbeat Dad gets talked into drinks at the Vic by Dexter Fletcher. Then he gets Ava to go there - what could possibly go wrong?!
In a turn of events telegraphed a mile away, Deadbeat Dad tells Ian the work cost more and out of cash - Ian resorts to using his daughter's blank cheque from earlier... WHO WRITES A BLANK CHEQUE?!
Lola tries to console Billy Idiot about being a total loser. That's a waste of time.
As all people in Walford are idiots, Ian waits until Lucy is home and has JUST walked out of the room to remove the incriminating cheque stub. Smooth.
In a turn of events that is truly shocking, things don't turn out too well with the surprise date for Ava and Deadbeat Dad, as Dexter Fletcher works out that Deadbeat Dad is actually HIS dad and then he runs off as Ava does more shouting. Sorry, "acting".
Lola is prying into the date Billy Idiot was supposed to have with her Ava but instead of just saying she rescheduled, he lies... because that makes sense.
Kim is still allegedly running a B&B but apparently can't even manage to provide breakfast for her guests (oh and Shirley is back there, having emerged from her torpor... although, you'd think she'd be hung over given the state she was in last night and that one vodka can pretty much comatose Lauren but then, she isn't made of old boot leather). In fact, it's worse than that as an ENTIRE LOAF has gone mouldy... the evidence is mounting that Kim suffers from a severely diminished mental capacity - oh and Deadbeat Dad is staying at the B&B.
Ian is being all business but Evil Lauren gets him to cover for the caffffffffff while she goes off to some meeting.
Count Moonula is telling Half-Day Alice that Janine is the perfect killing machine... well, maybe if the only prey that exists is Barry Evans.
DA YOUFF holiday subplot! Yawn. Deadbeat Dad meets Dexter Fletcher in the caffffffff and Jay and Abi tell him to "help" his mother.
Ava is evasive about rescheduling with Billy Idiot, to whit King Phil says she wouldn't touch him with someone else's barge pole... FINALLY, some realism!
Deadbeat Dad pretends to be with Kim and then gets roped into helping Ian with his builders.
Half-Day Alice makes a mess of things at Janine's...
Abi and Dexter Fletcher discuss plans to get Ava and Deadbeat Dad together...
Elsewhere, Deadbeat Dad is apparently going to single handedly come to Ian's rescue as regards his current problems.
Whitney has reappeared (with a truly unnatural skin colour - it looks as if she mistook a tannery for a tanning salon) and has remembered the wedding.
Half-Day Alice is fretting over Janine.
Denise teaches Kim a lesson about her massive negligence as a business owner... How is she still in business again?
Billy Idiot has realised - not for the first time - he's the Square's loser... Is a suicide in the offing? Fingers crossed.
Deadbeat Dad gets talked into drinks at the Vic by Dexter Fletcher. Then he gets Ava to go there - what could possibly go wrong?!
In a turn of events telegraphed a mile away, Deadbeat Dad tells Ian the work cost more and out of cash - Ian resorts to using his daughter's blank cheque from earlier... WHO WRITES A BLANK CHEQUE?!
Lola tries to console Billy Idiot about being a total loser. That's a waste of time.
As all people in Walford are idiots, Ian waits until Lucy is home and has JUST walked out of the room to remove the incriminating cheque stub. Smooth.
In a turn of events that is truly shocking, things don't turn out too well with the surprise date for Ava and Deadbeat Dad, as Dexter Fletcher works out that Deadbeat Dad is actually HIS dad and then he runs off as Ava does more shouting. Sorry, "acting".
Thursday 16 May 2013
Thursday 16th May 2013
Ava looks at Dexter Fletcher's dad for a bit as he stands on the doorstep and tells him to wait there.
SS Officer Joyless of ZE SOCIAL (who will just stop by your house any old time unannounced, especially outside of office hours - oh, the realism) is just dropping something off... which you'd think she could do in her dozen or so visits a week but no, apparently this had to be done RIGHT NOW. Sharon invites her to stay for dinner... which SS Officer Joyless accepts.
Ava lures Dexter Fletcher away by sending him to the shops and he mistakes her apprehension over his father being outside for concern over the date with Billy Idiot. The deadbeat dad then sees Dexter leaving before Ava beckons him inside.
In another awkward and unnecessary date scenario - Carol and Masood are being awkward! Again. This must be where Tamwar gets it from.
Ian's home version of Masterchef continues... the BBC really are getting desperate, it really has been all downhill since Lloyd Grossman stopped presenting and this is about as low as the format can get - the Square's madwoman trying to make something as Ian harrangs her. How exactly is this a good way to ascertain her suitability for the role of sous chef?
Dexter Fletcher's dad is - as it turns out - a deadbeat, having walked out after uttering the classic line "I'm just going to get some milk." Ava's tirade is interrupted by the doorbell ringing and Billy Idiot at the door and apparently someone has turned the sun off - Walford is too poor for a dimmer switch. Ava gets rid of Billy but has to massage his ego.
If you thought the Mitchell family dinner was unbearable before, now they've added in SS Officer Joyless of ZE SOCIAL to the mix and that makes a pot noodle seem appealing by comparison... but here comes Shirley - as ever, attracted to any Phil related plot - to intrude.
Deadbeat Dad had his OWN father die and now he's here so Dexter gets to know him. Which allows Ava to exposit via DRAMATIC SHOUTING! Emotions can only really be conveyed via shouting.
For reasons unexplained, Phil has let Shirley into his house and then (presumably because she's high) Sharon invites her to stay. Just when you thought this dinner couldn't get anymore unintentionally farcical... they go and up the stakes!
Carol and Masood turn up to the Vic - remember when Masood didn't even like the idea of going in there? The Crayon Crew certainly don't! - and are castigated by Bianca and AJ for ruining their plan.
SS Officer Joyless clearly wants to leave but Sharon is apparently on the Moon and she does everything but hold her down and force food into the poor woman. Shirley then begins to chime in, talking about how Poxy had said the relationship between Sharon and Phil would only last for two months... If that's two months before the police were to find Sharon's dismembered corpse, then that would probably be about right.
Ava decides the reasonable thing to do is not let Dexter decide about seeing his own father and some more DRAMATIC SHOUTING from Ava, Deadbeat Dad is on his way but dohoho, meets Dexter on the way out, leading to a predictable "Who are you?"
Ian's Masterchef continues as Evil Lucy and Bobby New Face appear as taste testers to further fluster Jean.
Carol and Masood... MORE AWKWARD!
Mitchell's dinner - MORE AWKWARD! Wow, this is starting to feel a cringe comedy sans comedy. Shirley goes to town on Sharon and seemingly knows something is amiss because she asks what she's hiding. Then they tell Shirley to leave - funny, that would have been the second best thing there was to do... the first would have been NOT LETTING HER IN.
Deadbeat Dad starts telling Dexter Fletcher some tales from yesteryear, much to Ava's chagrin.
Sharon tries to convince Lola that she isn't on the pills but she remains somewhat unconvinced but they still have a hug.
Jean snaps at Beales and kicks them out of the kitchen.
Phil toasts Sharon's hosting of the dinner. Yawn.
Masood and Carol kiss at the end of the date and it looks like someone is getting lucky.
Dexter Fletcher thinks his mother should hook up with his dad but Ava chases after him and says there won't be a next time!
Jean gets the job - how exciting!
Oh and Sharon is still on the pills... was that supposed to be a surprise? Night following day is more surprising.
SS Officer Joyless of ZE SOCIAL (who will just stop by your house any old time unannounced, especially outside of office hours - oh, the realism) is just dropping something off... which you'd think she could do in her dozen or so visits a week but no, apparently this had to be done RIGHT NOW. Sharon invites her to stay for dinner... which SS Officer Joyless accepts.
Ava lures Dexter Fletcher away by sending him to the shops and he mistakes her apprehension over his father being outside for concern over the date with Billy Idiot. The deadbeat dad then sees Dexter leaving before Ava beckons him inside.
In another awkward and unnecessary date scenario - Carol and Masood are being awkward! Again. This must be where Tamwar gets it from.
Ian's home version of Masterchef continues... the BBC really are getting desperate, it really has been all downhill since Lloyd Grossman stopped presenting and this is about as low as the format can get - the Square's madwoman trying to make something as Ian harrangs her. How exactly is this a good way to ascertain her suitability for the role of sous chef?
Dexter Fletcher's dad is - as it turns out - a deadbeat, having walked out after uttering the classic line "I'm just going to get some milk." Ava's tirade is interrupted by the doorbell ringing and Billy Idiot at the door and apparently someone has turned the sun off - Walford is too poor for a dimmer switch. Ava gets rid of Billy but has to massage his ego.
If you thought the Mitchell family dinner was unbearable before, now they've added in SS Officer Joyless of ZE SOCIAL to the mix and that makes a pot noodle seem appealing by comparison... but here comes Shirley - as ever, attracted to any Phil related plot - to intrude.
Deadbeat Dad had his OWN father die and now he's here so Dexter gets to know him. Which allows Ava to exposit via DRAMATIC SHOUTING! Emotions can only really be conveyed via shouting.
For reasons unexplained, Phil has let Shirley into his house and then (presumably because she's high) Sharon invites her to stay. Just when you thought this dinner couldn't get anymore unintentionally farcical... they go and up the stakes!
Carol and Masood turn up to the Vic - remember when Masood didn't even like the idea of going in there? The Crayon Crew certainly don't! - and are castigated by Bianca and AJ for ruining their plan.
SS Officer Joyless clearly wants to leave but Sharon is apparently on the Moon and she does everything but hold her down and force food into the poor woman. Shirley then begins to chime in, talking about how Poxy had said the relationship between Sharon and Phil would only last for two months... If that's two months before the police were to find Sharon's dismembered corpse, then that would probably be about right.
Ava decides the reasonable thing to do is not let Dexter decide about seeing his own father and some more DRAMATIC SHOUTING from Ava, Deadbeat Dad is on his way but dohoho, meets Dexter on the way out, leading to a predictable "Who are you?"
Ian's Masterchef continues as Evil Lucy and Bobby New Face appear as taste testers to further fluster Jean.
Carol and Masood... MORE AWKWARD!
Mitchell's dinner - MORE AWKWARD! Wow, this is starting to feel a cringe comedy sans comedy. Shirley goes to town on Sharon and seemingly knows something is amiss because she asks what she's hiding. Then they tell Shirley to leave - funny, that would have been the second best thing there was to do... the first would have been NOT LETTING HER IN.
Deadbeat Dad starts telling Dexter Fletcher some tales from yesteryear, much to Ava's chagrin.
Sharon tries to convince Lola that she isn't on the pills but she remains somewhat unconvinced but they still have a hug.
Jean snaps at Beales and kicks them out of the kitchen.
Phil toasts Sharon's hosting of the dinner. Yawn.
Masood and Carol kiss at the end of the date and it looks like someone is getting lucky.
Dexter Fletcher thinks his mother should hook up with his dad but Ava chases after him and says there won't be a next time!
Jean gets the job - how exciting!
Oh and Sharon is still on the pills... was that supposed to be a surprise? Night following day is more surprising.
Tuesday 14 May 2013
Tuesday 14th May 2013
Lola shakes her head as she sees Sharon and King Phil walking across the Square with Lexi and then goes to moan to Billy Idiot, who offers the generic reassurances but as Lola is clearly distressed and Billy Idiot apparently believes her... he's still more worried about his date with Ava. So, she has to brow beat him into it.
Ava is clearly really excited about dating a person even the infamously ugly Mitchell family consider to be a runt... then Tanya decides to help get her "in the mood"... shouldn't she be at work? Shouldn't BOTH of them be at work?
Shirley appears from the black hole she lives in between Phil related stories to seem jealous about Sharon dating Phil and then pretending she isn't.
Ian is bouncing between personas and decides to offer Jean a job at "La Square".
Misery Guts Carol lives up to her name in the caffffffffff while discussing her sex life with Bianca - which AJ overhears, no doubt leading to some painfully unfunny comedy antics later.
Being the successful businesswoman she is, Tanya and Ava are all alone in the silent salon. They've also started drinking before noon.
AJ and Bianca decide to get things going between Massood and Misery Guts.
Lola is about ready to strangle Sharon as soon as she gets to the dinner... if there was more realism in Eastenders this would probably be the reaction of everyone in Walford to Sharon.
Ava continues her attempt to convince Dexter Fletcher than Billy Idiot isn't a feckless waste of space but her son is having none of it...
Lola's crude attempts to unmask Sharon's drug taking aren't going too well as she makes her antipathy toward the Miss Piggy impersonator clear. Then Alfie and Poxy turn up... oh, lawks.
Ava frets about being too old to date and Dexter not liking Billy Idiot but Tanya is on hand with bland reassurance.
Elsewhere, Lola's crude attempts to expose Sharon continue with her rifling through Sharon's purse, only to be discovered by King Phil. She covers by saying it's a period and Phil instantly goes "Oh... I'll call Sharon." Yes, just shout out "LOLA IS HAVING HER PERIOD!" to all and sundry but Sharon frumps in and spoils the plan.
Kirsty's faultless cover story continues to be the exact opposite as she pretends she has had a scan. Yeah, so if you're three months into a pregnancy and pregnancy on average lasts nine months... there's NO way that could possibly show you were lying.
The truly dire dinner continues with forced, unfunny dialogue as Lola sits there with an expression that is clearly meant to express her contempt for Sharon but is more like the kind of reaction a normal person would have to sitting at this dinner and having to suffer this company... Then Billy Idiot manages to get a generous helping of soup on his shirt and goes into the kitchen to see Sharon pouring her wine down the sink. DUN DUN DUN! He then tells Lola this and she pleads for him to stay longer - which really begs the question of why he didn't just rearrange the date... oh, right because that would have been the CLEVER thing to do.
Sharon is apparently as high as a kite as she trips over, blaming it on the booze... when of course, she hasn't been drinking. In case you hadn't worked that out we then have Lola loudly explaining this to Billy Idiot in the corridor... perhaps it would be easier if they had some kind of commentary to switch on if they think so little of the average viewer? Then he gets cajoled into heading off to his date.
Max - ever the romantic and having been told Kirstie had a scan - is going to wow her by taking her private for a scan... what a waste of money.
The forced Masood/Misery Guts date begins!
Ian wasn't being a soft touch! Nope, Jean has to do an audition to get the job! DOHOHOHO!
Lola's plan - not for the first time - is to abscond with Lexi because she thinks Sharon is a car crash... and she isn't wrong there. King Phil sticks his nose in and just before Lola can do the one thing she really knows how to do - lash out - there's a knock at the door and it's SS Officer Joyless because ZE SOCIAL turn up unannounced in the evening as a matter of course!
Ava goes to answer the door but it's not Billy Idiot... IT'S DEXTER FLETCHER'S LONG LOST FATHER! WHAT A TWIST!
Ava is clearly really excited about dating a person even the infamously ugly Mitchell family consider to be a runt... then Tanya decides to help get her "in the mood"... shouldn't she be at work? Shouldn't BOTH of them be at work?
Shirley appears from the black hole she lives in between Phil related stories to seem jealous about Sharon dating Phil and then pretending she isn't.
Ian is bouncing between personas and decides to offer Jean a job at "La Square".
Misery Guts Carol lives up to her name in the caffffffffff while discussing her sex life with Bianca - which AJ overhears, no doubt leading to some painfully unfunny comedy antics later.
Being the successful businesswoman she is, Tanya and Ava are all alone in the silent salon. They've also started drinking before noon.
AJ and Bianca decide to get things going between Massood and Misery Guts.
Lola is about ready to strangle Sharon as soon as she gets to the dinner... if there was more realism in Eastenders this would probably be the reaction of everyone in Walford to Sharon.
Ava continues her attempt to convince Dexter Fletcher than Billy Idiot isn't a feckless waste of space but her son is having none of it...
Lola's crude attempts to unmask Sharon's drug taking aren't going too well as she makes her antipathy toward the Miss Piggy impersonator clear. Then Alfie and Poxy turn up... oh, lawks.
Ava frets about being too old to date and Dexter not liking Billy Idiot but Tanya is on hand with bland reassurance.
Elsewhere, Lola's crude attempts to expose Sharon continue with her rifling through Sharon's purse, only to be discovered by King Phil. She covers by saying it's a period and Phil instantly goes "Oh... I'll call Sharon." Yes, just shout out "LOLA IS HAVING HER PERIOD!" to all and sundry but Sharon frumps in and spoils the plan.
Kirsty's faultless cover story continues to be the exact opposite as she pretends she has had a scan. Yeah, so if you're three months into a pregnancy and pregnancy on average lasts nine months... there's NO way that could possibly show you were lying.
The truly dire dinner continues with forced, unfunny dialogue as Lola sits there with an expression that is clearly meant to express her contempt for Sharon but is more like the kind of reaction a normal person would have to sitting at this dinner and having to suffer this company... Then Billy Idiot manages to get a generous helping of soup on his shirt and goes into the kitchen to see Sharon pouring her wine down the sink. DUN DUN DUN! He then tells Lola this and she pleads for him to stay longer - which really begs the question of why he didn't just rearrange the date... oh, right because that would have been the CLEVER thing to do.
Sharon is apparently as high as a kite as she trips over, blaming it on the booze... when of course, she hasn't been drinking. In case you hadn't worked that out we then have Lola loudly explaining this to Billy Idiot in the corridor... perhaps it would be easier if they had some kind of commentary to switch on if they think so little of the average viewer? Then he gets cajoled into heading off to his date.
Max - ever the romantic and having been told Kirstie had a scan - is going to wow her by taking her private for a scan... what a waste of money.
The forced Masood/Misery Guts date begins!
Ian wasn't being a soft touch! Nope, Jean has to do an audition to get the job! DOHOHOHO!
Lola's plan - not for the first time - is to abscond with Lexi because she thinks Sharon is a car crash... and she isn't wrong there. King Phil sticks his nose in and just before Lola can do the one thing she really knows how to do - lash out - there's a knock at the door and it's SS Officer Joyless because ZE SOCIAL turn up unannounced in the evening as a matter of course!
Ava goes to answer the door but it's not Billy Idiot... IT'S DEXTER FLETCHER'S LONG LOST FATHER! WHAT A TWIST!
Monday 13 May 2013
Monday 13th May 2013
So, Janine has got Scarlet a nanny!
Sharon is trying to win Lola's silence with stuff for Lexi but she Lola is having none of it.
Count Moonula is sulking because of Janine's evil machinations.
Kim has reappeared - sigh and Ray has managed to remember his daughter again! Goodness.
Ian has apparently had another dramatic personality shift and has become a spendthrift having discovered Derek's cash... which apparently isn't counterfeit. This is apparently a big turn on for Denise... shudder.
The Lips pregnancy deception continues.
Lola has words with Sharon about the cot... amusingly Sharon's reaction to this is telling Lola she needs to learn some manners - yes, what a great idea! Antagonise the volatile teenager that knows you're a drug addict! Billy Idiot interrupts and Sharon doesn't seem to take the hint that Lola doesn't want her anywhere near her baby... again, why seek to antagonise her?
Patrick has magically reappeared too and he notes something is going on with the B&B because Kim is sending people to room four! Oh and he's fine now - despite the fact it was established his recovery would be slow. DUN DUN DUN!
Shockingly, Count Moonula apologises to Half-Day Alice and then they have another discussion about the baby and apparently he trusts her NOT to make a mess of it this time.
It seems The Lips plan was so ill conceived she didn't even research the various effects of pregnancy and she's also sufficiently deluded to think that there is still time for her to get pregnant and Max not notice her pregnancy was over eleven months long. People in Walford arepretty very stupid - so it's possibly.
Lola is getting all anxious about the visit from the jack booted officers of ZE SOCIAL.
Alice is trying to play the sympathy card with Janine. Big mistake. The most surprising thing is that Michael is actually surprised at this but it seems he's setting Half-Day up to be a patsy in one of his schemes.
Still as twitchy as a crack addict jonesing for a fix, Lola acts as suspiciously as possible for SS Officer Joyless. Although, Lola's only real distinguishing feature is being incapable of acting rationally... so, basically like all women on Eastenders ever.
Patrick continues to suspect Kim is upto something.
Meanwhile, Alice has decided the best way to win Michael's affections is to steal Scarlet from the nanny. Genius! Then she takes her straight back to Janine and as a result, the nanny gets fired... well, that's achieved precisely nothing.
Denise and Patrick rumble Kim's scheme. Yawn. It turns out that Kim was secretly using room four for massages but she didn't tell anyone because that would have been sensible. Denise is also flustered by accusations that she is tense.
The Scarlet saga continues and due to her clever scheme, Alice is now Scarlet's nanny again - even though two minutes ago, Janine was saying she wasn't going to let anyone near her... She's trying to give King Phil a run for his money in terms of capriciousness.
Denise turns up to the restaurant, wearing a public masturbator trenchcoat and engages in some stomach flirting with Ian.
Sharon being a complete berk decides to show up AGAIN - yes because Lola has been reacting so well to your continued presence, you wouldn't want to try backing off a bit or anything, would you now? Oh and for extra hilarity, she calls LOLA childish... If not for the rather obvious signs of the ravages of age, it's hard to imagine Sharon's emotional maturity being in double digits... and after Sharon leaves, Billy Idiot finds out the reason for Lola's anxiety is that Sharon is an addict and this will (somehow) lead to Lexi going into care FOREVER! Oh, right... because the idea they could just put her back into the custody of the birth mother and thus remove that factor entirely is far too sensible. No, in the Crayon Crew's wacky world of Walford ZE SOCIAL has to the worst possible combination of malicious, incompetent, illogical, unfair and needlessly officious that is possible.
Count Moonula is pleased with Half-Day's efforts and it becomes very obvious - if it wasn't already - that this is all part of his evil scheme to reclaim Scarlet.
Sharon is trying to win Lola's silence with stuff for Lexi but she Lola is having none of it.
Count Moonula is sulking because of Janine's evil machinations.
Kim has reappeared - sigh and Ray has managed to remember his daughter again! Goodness.
Ian has apparently had another dramatic personality shift and has become a spendthrift having discovered Derek's cash... which apparently isn't counterfeit. This is apparently a big turn on for Denise... shudder.
The Lips pregnancy deception continues.
Lola has words with Sharon about the cot... amusingly Sharon's reaction to this is telling Lola she needs to learn some manners - yes, what a great idea! Antagonise the volatile teenager that knows you're a drug addict! Billy Idiot interrupts and Sharon doesn't seem to take the hint that Lola doesn't want her anywhere near her baby... again, why seek to antagonise her?
Patrick has magically reappeared too and he notes something is going on with the B&B because Kim is sending people to room four! Oh and he's fine now - despite the fact it was established his recovery would be slow. DUN DUN DUN!
Shockingly, Count Moonula apologises to Half-Day Alice and then they have another discussion about the baby and apparently he trusts her NOT to make a mess of it this time.
It seems The Lips plan was so ill conceived she didn't even research the various effects of pregnancy and she's also sufficiently deluded to think that there is still time for her to get pregnant and Max not notice her pregnancy was over eleven months long. People in Walford are
Lola is getting all anxious about the visit from the jack booted officers of ZE SOCIAL.
Alice is trying to play the sympathy card with Janine. Big mistake. The most surprising thing is that Michael is actually surprised at this but it seems he's setting Half-Day up to be a patsy in one of his schemes.
Still as twitchy as a crack addict jonesing for a fix, Lola acts as suspiciously as possible for SS Officer Joyless. Although, Lola's only real distinguishing feature is being incapable of acting rationally... so, basically like all women on Eastenders ever.
Patrick continues to suspect Kim is upto something.
Meanwhile, Alice has decided the best way to win Michael's affections is to steal Scarlet from the nanny. Genius! Then she takes her straight back to Janine and as a result, the nanny gets fired... well, that's achieved precisely nothing.
Denise and Patrick rumble Kim's scheme. Yawn. It turns out that Kim was secretly using room four for massages but she didn't tell anyone because that would have been sensible. Denise is also flustered by accusations that she is tense.
The Scarlet saga continues and due to her clever scheme, Alice is now Scarlet's nanny again - even though two minutes ago, Janine was saying she wasn't going to let anyone near her... She's trying to give King Phil a run for his money in terms of capriciousness.
Denise turns up to the restaurant, wearing a public masturbator trenchcoat and engages in some stomach flirting with Ian.
Sharon being a complete berk decides to show up AGAIN - yes because Lola has been reacting so well to your continued presence, you wouldn't want to try backing off a bit or anything, would you now? Oh and for extra hilarity, she calls LOLA childish... If not for the rather obvious signs of the ravages of age, it's hard to imagine Sharon's emotional maturity being in double digits... and after Sharon leaves, Billy Idiot finds out the reason for Lola's anxiety is that Sharon is an addict and this will (somehow) lead to Lexi going into care FOREVER! Oh, right... because the idea they could just put her back into the custody of the birth mother and thus remove that factor entirely is far too sensible. No, in the Crayon Crew's wacky world of Walford ZE SOCIAL has to the worst possible combination of malicious, incompetent, illogical, unfair and needlessly officious that is possible.
Count Moonula is pleased with Half-Day's efforts and it becomes very obvious - if it wasn't already - that this is all part of his evil scheme to reclaim Scarlet.
Friday 10 May 2013
Friday 10th May 2013
Ian is attempting to impress Jean (for some reason) when we find out that there's... A PROBLEM! DUN DUN DUN!
Count Moonula gets a text from Janine as Kat walks in looking like a prostitute and oh dear, there's Mo... Thinking she'd been quietly murdered off-screen was just too much to hope for. She's here for the rent and to mention Fat Elvis and presumably get in enough lines to warrant the actress being kept on... and then Half-Day Alice turns up and she owes rent too and Mo wants the money today because THIS IS THE REAL WORLD... ha, implying financial consequences exist in Eastenders! Comedy.
Pointless Poppy and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuur think they're perfect for one another, which leads to a "hilarious" scene where Pointless Poppy strops off because Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuur left a tin of tuna in the fridge. Oh and Dot thinks that Tamwar and Alice not getting together is all part of god's plan... so much for free will!
The Crayon Crew have done a complete one eighty on Poles. Apparently they're not cheap or efficient and will leave a job at the drop of a hat - as well as being drunkards and thieves... While it's nice to see they aren't going for the stereotype, this is actually a LOT worse... and Ian is left in the lurch with a totally unfinished restaurant and four weeks to opening...
Speaking of stereotypes, Dexter Fletcher is trying to oversell stuff on a car... which Jay prevents him from doing. Which leads to an unfortunately homoerotic exchange between the two where Jay insists he isn't soft. Oh dear.
Janine turns up to accuse Kat of going out with Michael and also further hammer home that she's a bad mother and then just for bonus points, she drops Poxy in it by saying she told her all this and because the most powerful force in Eastenders isn't the strong nuclear force but rather spite, this immediately means Kat is going to go and tell tales to Saint Alfie about POLISH MAN!
Continuing her rampage, Janine stops by to tell Michael he's never seeing his daughter. Again.
Pointless Poppy and her pointless subplot continues. Dull.
Ian attempts to borrow some more money from Janine - that goes as well as you'd expect.
King Phil upsets Jay by telling him he wasn't in on the whole scamming customers thing.
Another case of mobile phone mysteriously not working due to plot contrivance when it turns out Tommy has a rash and Alfie couldn't get through to Kat - what, he didn't just go around the Square looking for her?! - then it turns out that Amy had a nightmare and won't talk about it. She's a mute! She doesn't talk about anything!
Turns out the Arches is going like a fair today. At this rate it might even make enough to cover the rent on the place... oh and Jay messes up trying to dupe someone and goes off in a huff. Again. What a fragile ego he has.
A BREAKTHROUGH! AMY SPEAKS! Oh and Kat lies for Poxy.
Alice doesn't seem to be taking the hint from Michael and finally snaps. At least she has worked out the most Michael feels for her is contempt and that just causes him to have a little smile.
Pointless Poppy apparently suffers from OCD that just hasn't been mentioned or shown until this point and then Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur's woes are ended when Dot suggests whimsically he'll never know Poppy unless he has a Poppy encyclopaedia... And Arfuuuuuuuuuuur does the thing that only happens in TV where he says "YOU'RE A GENIUS!" and then rushes off without explaining anything.
Ian's building woes continue and he really has hit rock bottom as he gets advice from Jean... and so we establish that Ian can't let Lucy OR Janine find out about his abject failure as he goes off grinning like an idiot to start clearing up the mess at the restaurant... because that's clearly more useful than finding an actual builder and oblivious to Janine spying his conversation with Jean.
King Phil massages Jay's wounded ego and apparently this has led to Jay having... A CUNNING PLAN!
Jean goes to the restaurant to find Ian all but curled up in a ball.
Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur and Pointless Poppy have what amounts to the Pointless Poppy trivia quiz... which solves their relationship issue.
Jay's plan is to do up a busted car. Hmm, that seems familiar. Oh, right because they did that with Ben... except that got forgotten just about the second it was mentioned and went precisely NOWHERE and as one of the possible results of this storyline is a week long holiday special... let's just hope it goes nowhere too.
Jean finds a lockbox in the restaurant... and inevitably, Ian opens it and lies to Jean about it's contents... which perplexingly contains a letter to Misery Guts Carol from Doctor Holby but didn't she get that? Perhaps MORE importantly, it's full of money.
Kat and Poxy are apparently BFFs now but more importantly, Amy drew a picture of Kat more orange than a tangerine.
Evil Lucy is being nice to her father for a change and doesn't notice that he's covetously holding a big fat brown envelope and then an awkward conversation ensues between him and Half-Day Alice, where he appears to consider telling her about the money but instead just apologises for snapping at her, before getting the builders to come back on Monday. DUN DUN DUN!
Count Moonula gets a text from Janine as Kat walks in looking like a prostitute and oh dear, there's Mo... Thinking she'd been quietly murdered off-screen was just too much to hope for. She's here for the rent and to mention Fat Elvis and presumably get in enough lines to warrant the actress being kept on... and then Half-Day Alice turns up and she owes rent too and Mo wants the money today because THIS IS THE REAL WORLD... ha, implying financial consequences exist in Eastenders! Comedy.
Pointless Poppy and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuur think they're perfect for one another, which leads to a "hilarious" scene where Pointless Poppy strops off because Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuur left a tin of tuna in the fridge. Oh and Dot thinks that Tamwar and Alice not getting together is all part of god's plan... so much for free will!
The Crayon Crew have done a complete one eighty on Poles. Apparently they're not cheap or efficient and will leave a job at the drop of a hat - as well as being drunkards and thieves... While it's nice to see they aren't going for the stereotype, this is actually a LOT worse... and Ian is left in the lurch with a totally unfinished restaurant and four weeks to opening...
Speaking of stereotypes, Dexter Fletcher is trying to oversell stuff on a car... which Jay prevents him from doing. Which leads to an unfortunately homoerotic exchange between the two where Jay insists he isn't soft. Oh dear.
Janine turns up to accuse Kat of going out with Michael and also further hammer home that she's a bad mother and then just for bonus points, she drops Poxy in it by saying she told her all this and because the most powerful force in Eastenders isn't the strong nuclear force but rather spite, this immediately means Kat is going to go and tell tales to Saint Alfie about POLISH MAN!
Continuing her rampage, Janine stops by to tell Michael he's never seeing his daughter. Again.
Pointless Poppy and her pointless subplot continues. Dull.
Ian attempts to borrow some more money from Janine - that goes as well as you'd expect.
King Phil upsets Jay by telling him he wasn't in on the whole scamming customers thing.
Another case of mobile phone mysteriously not working due to plot contrivance when it turns out Tommy has a rash and Alfie couldn't get through to Kat - what, he didn't just go around the Square looking for her?! - then it turns out that Amy had a nightmare and won't talk about it. She's a mute! She doesn't talk about anything!
Turns out the Arches is going like a fair today. At this rate it might even make enough to cover the rent on the place... oh and Jay messes up trying to dupe someone and goes off in a huff. Again. What a fragile ego he has.
A BREAKTHROUGH! AMY SPEAKS! Oh and Kat lies for Poxy.
Alice doesn't seem to be taking the hint from Michael and finally snaps. At least she has worked out the most Michael feels for her is contempt and that just causes him to have a little smile.
Pointless Poppy apparently suffers from OCD that just hasn't been mentioned or shown until this point and then Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur's woes are ended when Dot suggests whimsically he'll never know Poppy unless he has a Poppy encyclopaedia... And Arfuuuuuuuuuuur does the thing that only happens in TV where he says "YOU'RE A GENIUS!" and then rushes off without explaining anything.
Ian's building woes continue and he really has hit rock bottom as he gets advice from Jean... and so we establish that Ian can't let Lucy OR Janine find out about his abject failure as he goes off grinning like an idiot to start clearing up the mess at the restaurant... because that's clearly more useful than finding an actual builder and oblivious to Janine spying his conversation with Jean.
King Phil massages Jay's wounded ego and apparently this has led to Jay having... A CUNNING PLAN!
Jean goes to the restaurant to find Ian all but curled up in a ball.
Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur and Pointless Poppy have what amounts to the Pointless Poppy trivia quiz... which solves their relationship issue.
Jay's plan is to do up a busted car. Hmm, that seems familiar. Oh, right because they did that with Ben... except that got forgotten just about the second it was mentioned and went precisely NOWHERE and as one of the possible results of this storyline is a week long holiday special... let's just hope it goes nowhere too.
Jean finds a lockbox in the restaurant... and inevitably, Ian opens it and lies to Jean about it's contents... which perplexingly contains a letter to Misery Guts Carol from Doctor Holby but didn't she get that? Perhaps MORE importantly, it's full of money.
Kat and Poxy are apparently BFFs now but more importantly, Amy drew a picture of Kat more orange than a tangerine.
Evil Lucy is being nice to her father for a change and doesn't notice that he's covetously holding a big fat brown envelope and then an awkward conversation ensues between him and Half-Day Alice, where he appears to consider telling her about the money but instead just apologises for snapping at her, before getting the builders to come back on Monday. DUN DUN DUN!
Thursday 9 May 2013
Thursday 9th May 2013
Poxy faces down incredibly stereotypically Polish builder and apparently the one lonely braincell in her empty head finally fires and she closes the safe. POLISH MAN (with the incredible powers of being stereotypically Polish) tells her that wasn't very clever... well, this is Poxy we're talking about - a woman that drove around with thousands of pounds in cash in the boot of her car stuffed into carrier bags because the concept of ATMs and credit cards or debit cards is apparently far beyond her limited ability to comprehend.
JANINE IS A BAD MOTHER! Part thirty one of a bajillionty.
Kat is doing her good deed by checking on Poxy but Poxy is too stupid to use the opportunity to call for help.
Misery Guts Carol has called off her date with Masood - yawn and then Janine turns up, just walking into the flat with her baby and demanding she be looked after because SHE'S A BAD MOTHER. Oh and Bianca lambasts her for just walking in without ringing the bell... perhaps you should try LOCKING THE DOOR THEN!
Polish Man threatens Poxy some more and then Kat walks in and he takes Poxy hostage. Fortunately, Kat is a trained hostage negotiator and when the mute Amy walks in, situation defused.
Janine tries to push Scarlet off on Billy Idiot - there's a true sign of desperation.
Half-Day Alice is going to go on a date with... Let's spin the WHEEL! OF! WALFORD! And it's landed on... the only other single youffffffffffffffff character, the perpetually constipated Tamwar.
Misery Guts Carol is having a crisis of confidence. This is getting more tedious by the minute.
Kat and Poxy bond over post-traumatic stress.
Count Moonula stops by to see the bad mother of the year. Actually, that's unfair - Sharon is probably far worse.
Lauren turns up, all dolled up but Evil Lucy is... well, evil. Which immediately pushes Lauren back to the bottle.
Half-Day Alice and Tamwar have a date which could curdle milk. It gets worse when Masood and Ajay walk in and then Bianca and the long lost Tiffany try to get her back to the house.
Janine is a bad mother etc. etc. Count Moonula exposits on the difficulty of child raising.
Alcoholic Lauren is again plastered after a whopping one drink and bemoans losing the human glass of water Joey to Tyler Moon.
Misery Guts Carol and Masood get together for their date finally.
Arfuuuuuuuuuuur suggests putting Tamwar and Half-Day Alice out of their misery. If only they would. Permanently.
Janine being a terrible person despite Count Moonula being eminently reasonable.
Poxy suspects Kat's good Samaritan act is all part of a coy plan to wheedle her way back into Saint Alfie's affections. Needless to say, Kat is not best pleased at having her help thrown back in her face and strops off but then, she seems to be indicating she has some standing as regarding spousal fidelity. That's a joke!
Lauren desperately tries to attract Joey's attention by kissing Tyler... Joey's reaction is to be a big ol' glass of water.
Count Moonula and Kat cosy up because apparently Kat is very upset at the fact people think she's a slag... she should really have made her peace with that by now! Janine seeing an innocent hug between the two - through a conveniently open curtain - takes this as a sign that Michael doesn't like his baby. DUN DUN DUN! It's not as if she has been antagonist toward him since she returned or anything.
JANINE IS A BAD MOTHER! Part thirty one of a bajillionty.
Kat is doing her good deed by checking on Poxy but Poxy is too stupid to use the opportunity to call for help.
Misery Guts Carol has called off her date with Masood - yawn and then Janine turns up, just walking into the flat with her baby and demanding she be looked after because SHE'S A BAD MOTHER. Oh and Bianca lambasts her for just walking in without ringing the bell... perhaps you should try LOCKING THE DOOR THEN!
Polish Man threatens Poxy some more and then Kat walks in and he takes Poxy hostage. Fortunately, Kat is a trained hostage negotiator and when the mute Amy walks in, situation defused.
Janine tries to push Scarlet off on Billy Idiot - there's a true sign of desperation.
Half-Day Alice is going to go on a date with... Let's spin the WHEEL! OF! WALFORD! And it's landed on... the only other single youffffffffffffffff character, the perpetually constipated Tamwar.
Misery Guts Carol is having a crisis of confidence. This is getting more tedious by the minute.
Kat and Poxy bond over post-traumatic stress.
Count Moonula stops by to see the bad mother of the year. Actually, that's unfair - Sharon is probably far worse.
Lauren turns up, all dolled up but Evil Lucy is... well, evil. Which immediately pushes Lauren back to the bottle.
Half-Day Alice and Tamwar have a date which could curdle milk. It gets worse when Masood and Ajay walk in and then Bianca and the long lost Tiffany try to get her back to the house.
Janine is a bad mother etc. etc. Count Moonula exposits on the difficulty of child raising.
Alcoholic Lauren is again plastered after a whopping one drink and bemoans losing the human glass of water Joey to Tyler Moon.
Misery Guts Carol and Masood get together for their date finally.
Arfuuuuuuuuuuur suggests putting Tamwar and Half-Day Alice out of their misery. If only they would. Permanently.
Janine being a terrible person despite Count Moonula being eminently reasonable.
Poxy suspects Kat's good Samaritan act is all part of a coy plan to wheedle her way back into Saint Alfie's affections. Needless to say, Kat is not best pleased at having her help thrown back in her face and strops off but then, she seems to be indicating she has some standing as regarding spousal fidelity. That's a joke!
Lauren desperately tries to attract Joey's attention by kissing Tyler... Joey's reaction is to be a big ol' glass of water.
Count Moonula and Kat cosy up because apparently Kat is very upset at the fact people think she's a slag... she should really have made her peace with that by now! Janine seeing an innocent hug between the two - through a conveniently open curtain - takes this as a sign that Michael doesn't like his baby. DUN DUN DUN! It's not as if she has been antagonist toward him since she returned or anything.
Tuesday 7 May 2013
Tuesday 7th May 2013
Kat is apparently back at work... good to see bullying is being endorsed by the Crayon Crew, what a wholesome message! Perhaps that's what spurs her on to make spiteful comments to Alfie about trying to get Poxy preggers.
Count Moonula is still in a mood and Pointless Poppy has deduced that Half-Day Alice wubs him.
Twitney has reappeared! To yawns of indifference.
Saint Alfie is clearly unhappy about the whole baby situation, what with Kat knowing... goodness, where could this be going, beyond the Crayon Crew beating us over the heads that the spineless Alfie and the slapper Kat are Walford's answer to Romeo and Juliet except neither one of them has had the good graces to kill themselves.
Dot makes The Lips uncomfortable talking about the imaginary baby.
Lauren has yet to forget she's an alcoholic and is sponging from her father but he thinks he has a baby on the way - jokes on you, Max! This causes Twitney to suggest she go for one of the positions at Ian's new restaurant. While Ian gives his stereotypical Pole a hard time and then fires him...
Abi and Jay are on the rocks! Because he's working... yawn.
Kat comes to passive aggressive at Saint Alfie. She's really going to need to work on her game if she wants to rival the human holocaust that is Sharon.
It seems all of Walford is turning up for the position at Ian's restaurant! All the women at least because clearly it's womens work.
Kat points out - after some interrogation from Dot - that The Lips is being pretty stupid because even if she DOES get pregnant, she won't be thirteen weeks pregnant. You know, something pretty much anyone could have told you.
Ian turns up to be needlessly combative toward Bianca and Misery Guts Carol - no jobs for them!
Max walks in to hear Jay talking about Abi... generic overprotective father dialogue in Max's barely comprehensible dialect commences, churning forth from his cement mixer of a mouth and splattering against the floor like some kind of word porridge.
For reasons unexplained - beyond evil - Evil Lucy is running the job interview. Pointless Poppy wins... a sad indictment of the other candidates... and as Evil Lucy lives up to her name, the needlessly overly complicated interview has apparently warranted the emptying of the cafffffffffffff, now requires actual dinners - in the shape of the gormless Moon brother and the human glass of water, Joey.
Speaking of evil, Janine pops around with Scarlet knowing full well Count Moonula is in a meeting about his VAT returns for the dusty warehouse - purely so she can pretend she was trying to let him see his daughter. A pleasant change from the Janine begging Billy Idiot for help.
In an attempt to undo the terrible stereotyping of the Polish nation, they are now congregating en masse in the Vic to get drunk before noon - showing they're just as work shy and terrible as the regular Walford residents... it's hard to say whether that's more or less offensive. Oh, wait - no it isn't. As always - it's more offensive.
Evil Lucy should really get a moustache to twirl as she watches Lauren squirm.
JANINE IS A BAD MOTHER! PART SEVENTEEN! And get used to 'em because there will be hundreds more.
Misery Guts Carol seems to realise that being mutton, she shouldn't be dressing as lamb. Masood will be so disappointed she doesn't look like an ageing prostitute.
Due to Twitney being nice, Lauren gets the job - riveting!
The Vic is heaving... strange, it's not Monday! Kat keeps on at The Lips about the imaginary baby - apparently it's "getting out of control". Oh and she walks out of her shift to go and rectify the situation.
Abi being uncharacteristically petulant creates a situation where the horrifying prospect of Dexter Fletcher, Lola, Abi and Jay on a camping holiday is raised... oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear.
The Lips tries to tell Max she isn't pregnant but it's one of those generic soap scenarios where the person can't get a word in and doesn't have the sense to shout "I'M NOT PREGNANT!" to stop the needless padding and then there's a call at the door.
The Polish builders are causing trouble and Poxy is living up to the blonde ideal as she rejects Kat's offers of help and just generally does badly - because as well as being part of Walford's Romeo and Juliet, she is also the rightful successor to Peggy as the rightful ruler of the Vic or some other nonsense. Fortunately, Kat is there to save the day but Poxy is suitably ungrateful.
Dot turns up to prattle on meaninglessly - yawn and she remember Jim... who cares? Dull, dull, dull and no doubt we'll see this a dozen more times.
Kat watches stereotypical Polish builder go back into the Vic but doesn't do anything - despite him being disgruntled. This is of course when Poxy shows us the true levels of her stupidity, as she hears someone coming up the stairs and calls out but leaves the safe wide open as she goes to see what's happening... which is when she bumps into disgruntled Polish builder stereotype! Goodness, it's almost as if anyone can wander into the Vic's flat!
Count Moonula is still in a mood and Pointless Poppy has deduced that Half-Day Alice wubs him.
Twitney has reappeared! To yawns of indifference.
Saint Alfie is clearly unhappy about the whole baby situation, what with Kat knowing... goodness, where could this be going, beyond the Crayon Crew beating us over the heads that the spineless Alfie and the slapper Kat are Walford's answer to Romeo and Juliet except neither one of them has had the good graces to kill themselves.
Dot makes The Lips uncomfortable talking about the imaginary baby.
Lauren has yet to forget she's an alcoholic and is sponging from her father but he thinks he has a baby on the way - jokes on you, Max! This causes Twitney to suggest she go for one of the positions at Ian's new restaurant. While Ian gives his stereotypical Pole a hard time and then fires him...
Abi and Jay are on the rocks! Because he's working... yawn.
Kat comes to passive aggressive at Saint Alfie. She's really going to need to work on her game if she wants to rival the human holocaust that is Sharon.
It seems all of Walford is turning up for the position at Ian's restaurant! All the women at least because clearly it's womens work.
Kat points out - after some interrogation from Dot - that The Lips is being pretty stupid because even if she DOES get pregnant, she won't be thirteen weeks pregnant. You know, something pretty much anyone could have told you.
Ian turns up to be needlessly combative toward Bianca and Misery Guts Carol - no jobs for them!
Max walks in to hear Jay talking about Abi... generic overprotective father dialogue in Max's barely comprehensible dialect commences, churning forth from his cement mixer of a mouth and splattering against the floor like some kind of word porridge.
For reasons unexplained - beyond evil - Evil Lucy is running the job interview. Pointless Poppy wins... a sad indictment of the other candidates... and as Evil Lucy lives up to her name, the needlessly overly complicated interview has apparently warranted the emptying of the cafffffffffffff, now requires actual dinners - in the shape of the gormless Moon brother and the human glass of water, Joey.
Speaking of evil, Janine pops around with Scarlet knowing full well Count Moonula is in a meeting about his VAT returns for the dusty warehouse - purely so she can pretend she was trying to let him see his daughter. A pleasant change from the Janine begging Billy Idiot for help.
In an attempt to undo the terrible stereotyping of the Polish nation, they are now congregating en masse in the Vic to get drunk before noon - showing they're just as work shy and terrible as the regular Walford residents... it's hard to say whether that's more or less offensive. Oh, wait - no it isn't. As always - it's more offensive.
Evil Lucy should really get a moustache to twirl as she watches Lauren squirm.
JANINE IS A BAD MOTHER! PART SEVENTEEN! And get used to 'em because there will be hundreds more.
Misery Guts Carol seems to realise that being mutton, she shouldn't be dressing as lamb. Masood will be so disappointed she doesn't look like an ageing prostitute.
Due to Twitney being nice, Lauren gets the job - riveting!
The Vic is heaving... strange, it's not Monday! Kat keeps on at The Lips about the imaginary baby - apparently it's "getting out of control". Oh and she walks out of her shift to go and rectify the situation.
Abi being uncharacteristically petulant creates a situation where the horrifying prospect of Dexter Fletcher, Lola, Abi and Jay on a camping holiday is raised... oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear.
The Lips tries to tell Max she isn't pregnant but it's one of those generic soap scenarios where the person can't get a word in and doesn't have the sense to shout "I'M NOT PREGNANT!" to stop the needless padding and then there's a call at the door.
The Polish builders are causing trouble and Poxy is living up to the blonde ideal as she rejects Kat's offers of help and just generally does badly - because as well as being part of Walford's Romeo and Juliet, she is also the rightful successor to Peggy as the rightful ruler of the Vic or some other nonsense. Fortunately, Kat is there to save the day but Poxy is suitably ungrateful.
Dot turns up to prattle on meaninglessly - yawn and she remember Jim... who cares? Dull, dull, dull and no doubt we'll see this a dozen more times.
Kat watches stereotypical Polish builder go back into the Vic but doesn't do anything - despite him being disgruntled. This is of course when Poxy shows us the true levels of her stupidity, as she hears someone coming up the stairs and calls out but leaves the safe wide open as she goes to see what's happening... which is when she bumps into disgruntled Polish builder stereotype! Goodness, it's almost as if anyone can wander into the Vic's flat!
Monday 6 May 2013
Monday 6th May 2013
Poxy emerges from the presumably abandoned GP office to look at Kat really weirdly. Then Kat has to patronise Count Moonula for putting up baby gate.
Phil hands off Lexi to Sharon.
Ian - having announced his business venture with Janine on Friday is overseeing construction which managed to start on a Monday... No wonder Polish builders are so beloved, clearly they're able to book themselves in for jobs based on Polish prophecy powers. Oh and Lucy is back to being evil and Ian has entirely reverted to his pre-trampoid state because everyone has the memory of an etch-a-sketch.
Count Moonula is moping about Janine not bringing Scarlet round.
Tedious Ava and Cora stuff.
Denise is not impressed with Evil Lucy's (perhaps more aptly dubbed Skeletor given her apparent aversion to food) attitude and a hilarious scene where Lola and Sharon try to make small talk, which has Lola (with hair clearly fashioned to mock Sharon's RIDICULOUS brain controlling hair extensions) making fun of Sharon. Then Billy Idiot bursts in and announces that she'll get Lexi back in two weeks.
Ian gets a grudging apology from Evil Lucy before one of his Polish workers has an accident (and tears his sign). As he has reverted to old Ian, rather than the pleasant pudgy Ian who has been around... he's totally unconcerned and tells the guy he isn't getting paid.
More Moonula moping. Yawn. Then he goes and knocks stuff off the desk in her office which leaves Billy Idiot looking gormless. No change there then... and Sharon is looking like a homeless whore when he comes out. No change there then.
The most stereotypical Polish builder ever is drinking away his problem in the Vic... It feels like a slapstick scene... there's tension from waiting for someone to deliver a punchline that never comes... Perhaps this is what purgatory feels like. Then we have Poxy saying she's apparently ready to get knocked up, GP certified. Saint Alfie is not too enthused. Quelle surprise.
Count Moonula returns to be shouty.
Sharon - still going for hooker chic - tries to get her pills back from Lola... who is having none of it and tells her that she needs to tell King Phil.
Tedious Ava and Cora stuff again - yawn. Apparently Ava has mummy issues now and because Dexter Fletcher kept hassling her she goes to see Cora and that's them friends again.
Janine is being a BAD mother (and evil) again and it's making Count Moonula rather cross.
AWKWARD CORA AND AVA SCENE!
Ian finds his Polish builder and gives him a piece of his mind... and Evil Lucy lambasts him but might be able to help him with waitresses... strange that he needs help given the general length of employment in Walford is measured in hours.
Kat finds Poxy's pregnancy test and is not best pleased.
IRON MAIDEN IN THE VIC! Which is a lot more interesting than the same trite Ava/Cora dialogue. Interrupted by Dexter Fletcher, just before Ava storms off.
Sharon gets back to Phil's just to be told she forgot about her son... not really news.
Kat returns to find the baby gate reduced to kindling and Michael drinking. Kat turns this into a "poor me", as Michael does the only logical thing there is to do in Walford - drown his sorrows.
Phil hands off Lexi to Sharon.
Ian - having announced his business venture with Janine on Friday is overseeing construction which managed to start on a Monday... No wonder Polish builders are so beloved, clearly they're able to book themselves in for jobs based on Polish prophecy powers. Oh and Lucy is back to being evil and Ian has entirely reverted to his pre-trampoid state because everyone has the memory of an etch-a-sketch.
Count Moonula is moping about Janine not bringing Scarlet round.
Tedious Ava and Cora stuff.
Denise is not impressed with Evil Lucy's (perhaps more aptly dubbed Skeletor given her apparent aversion to food) attitude and a hilarious scene where Lola and Sharon try to make small talk, which has Lola (with hair clearly fashioned to mock Sharon's RIDICULOUS brain controlling hair extensions) making fun of Sharon. Then Billy Idiot bursts in and announces that she'll get Lexi back in two weeks.
Ian gets a grudging apology from Evil Lucy before one of his Polish workers has an accident (and tears his sign). As he has reverted to old Ian, rather than the pleasant pudgy Ian who has been around... he's totally unconcerned and tells the guy he isn't getting paid.
More Moonula moping. Yawn. Then he goes and knocks stuff off the desk in her office which leaves Billy Idiot looking gormless. No change there then... and Sharon is looking like a homeless whore when he comes out. No change there then.
The most stereotypical Polish builder ever is drinking away his problem in the Vic... It feels like a slapstick scene... there's tension from waiting for someone to deliver a punchline that never comes... Perhaps this is what purgatory feels like. Then we have Poxy saying she's apparently ready to get knocked up, GP certified. Saint Alfie is not too enthused. Quelle surprise.
Count Moonula returns to be shouty.
Sharon - still going for hooker chic - tries to get her pills back from Lola... who is having none of it and tells her that she needs to tell King Phil.
Tedious Ava and Cora stuff again - yawn. Apparently Ava has mummy issues now and because Dexter Fletcher kept hassling her she goes to see Cora and that's them friends again.
Janine is being a BAD mother (and evil) again and it's making Count Moonula rather cross.
AWKWARD CORA AND AVA SCENE!
Ian finds his Polish builder and gives him a piece of his mind... and Evil Lucy lambasts him but might be able to help him with waitresses... strange that he needs help given the general length of employment in Walford is measured in hours.
Kat finds Poxy's pregnancy test and is not best pleased.
IRON MAIDEN IN THE VIC! Which is a lot more interesting than the same trite Ava/Cora dialogue. Interrupted by Dexter Fletcher, just before Ava storms off.
Sharon gets back to Phil's just to be told she forgot about her son... not really news.
Kat returns to find the baby gate reduced to kindling and Michael drinking. Kat turns this into a "poor me", as Michael does the only logical thing there is to do in Walford - drown his sorrows.
Saturday 4 May 2013
Friday 3rd May 2013
Channelling her inner five year old, Lola encourages Sharon to wake up... as if she'd just fallen asleep or something. Sadly for the entire human race, Sharon comes around and says she just fainted... No need to be suspicious then.
Billy's birthday continues in all its glorious tedium. Janine is flaunting her baby and Ian is ready to ask her for a loan... probably just as well she vented some bile at Michael then. Ava arrives just in time to see Billy Idiot get a mug that says "great grandad" on it.
Proving that death would have been too good for her, Sharon is already snapping at Lexi and bossing her around... perhaps not the best thing to do that mere moments later Lexi finds a bottle of pills but why they're portraying that as suspicious is strange, people have prescriptions all the time.
Count Moonula says to Phil that it's a mistake to retread old ground - in the case of Sharon, that's unequivocally true - but then makes a pass at Poxy... That's out of the blue.
Given how Sharon lied up a storm for the FAR more suspicious activity of stealing painkillers FROM A BIN (after an elaborate and clearly false premise), it seems strange that she freaks out about Lola finding her pills, especially when she gives her more than one out. Then she strong arms Lola into not telling King Phil.
Massood and Misery Guts Carol continue their date OF DESTINY. Truly, love is in the air and people are putting their hands in the air, like they just don't care.
Count Moonula is apparently a little the worse for wear but as if him acting friendly drunk wasn't mortifying enough, we then have to see Billy Idiot try and talk to Ava again... sigh.
Lister is in the Vic and Kat tries to flatter him into giving her the stall back. Lister seems wise to this after a while but then, Kat offers the terrifying prospect of something carnal in nature between the two... to be fair to Lister, she's had worse... so this is actually a thoroughly plausible offer... or at least, it would be if not for the fact he JUST saw through it ten seconds ago.
Sharon says taking pills is how she copes... makes sense. Lots of abuse from Lola though.
Lister being an idiot and also an evil council official we're supposed to despise goes down to the cellar and drops his trousers - because he's just that stupid because the plot requires it! Hence Bianca appearing to snap it... not as if he could have covered his face in the time it took to take the photo!
Ian gets his new lease from Janine. Hoorah?
Sharon tries to... blackmail Lola into not telling Phil about her pill addiction.
Count Moonula is sleeping in the warehouse.
LOTS OF STUFF NO ONE CARES ABOUT!
Masood and Misery Guts snog! Who cares!
Count Moonula get shouty for a while.
And Lola is holding Sharon hostage with blackmail...
Billy's birthday continues in all its glorious tedium. Janine is flaunting her baby and Ian is ready to ask her for a loan... probably just as well she vented some bile at Michael then. Ava arrives just in time to see Billy Idiot get a mug that says "great grandad" on it.
Proving that death would have been too good for her, Sharon is already snapping at Lexi and bossing her around... perhaps not the best thing to do that mere moments later Lexi finds a bottle of pills but why they're portraying that as suspicious is strange, people have prescriptions all the time.
Count Moonula says to Phil that it's a mistake to retread old ground - in the case of Sharon, that's unequivocally true - but then makes a pass at Poxy... That's out of the blue.
Given how Sharon lied up a storm for the FAR more suspicious activity of stealing painkillers FROM A BIN (after an elaborate and clearly false premise), it seems strange that she freaks out about Lola finding her pills, especially when she gives her more than one out. Then she strong arms Lola into not telling King Phil.
Massood and Misery Guts Carol continue their date OF DESTINY. Truly, love is in the air and people are putting their hands in the air, like they just don't care.
Count Moonula is apparently a little the worse for wear but as if him acting friendly drunk wasn't mortifying enough, we then have to see Billy Idiot try and talk to Ava again... sigh.
Lister is in the Vic and Kat tries to flatter him into giving her the stall back. Lister seems wise to this after a while but then, Kat offers the terrifying prospect of something carnal in nature between the two... to be fair to Lister, she's had worse... so this is actually a thoroughly plausible offer... or at least, it would be if not for the fact he JUST saw through it ten seconds ago.
Sharon says taking pills is how she copes... makes sense. Lots of abuse from Lola though.
Lister being an idiot and also an evil council official we're supposed to despise goes down to the cellar and drops his trousers - because he's just that stupid because the plot requires it! Hence Bianca appearing to snap it... not as if he could have covered his face in the time it took to take the photo!
Ian gets his new lease from Janine. Hoorah?
Sharon tries to... blackmail Lola into not telling Phil about her pill addiction.
Count Moonula is sleeping in the warehouse.
LOTS OF STUFF NO ONE CARES ABOUT!
Masood and Misery Guts snog! Who cares!
Count Moonula get shouty for a while.
And Lola is holding Sharon hostage with blackmail...
Thursday 2 May 2013
Thursday 2nd May 2013
If you hadn't gotten the hint yet... JANINE IS A BAD MOTHER!
Apparently Count Moonula didn't leave. That's a shame. No, he's sleeping on a sofa.
It's Billy Idiot's birthday... who cares.
Sharon is back on the pills... really, it would make more sense to Phil go back on the crack given that he's in a relationship with Sharon.
Cora wants to get Dexter Fletcher but Ava isn't too happy. Oh dear.
Kat and Bianca are in the blame allocation stage and having to deal with repercussions - they're now considering some insincere words of apology. Oh and Kat is all sympathetic toward Michael about getting kicked out and losing his child but he's "moving on".
Masood and Carol are going out for a drink - LOVE IS IN THE AIR! Oh and Tamwar is still on his case about this. Arfuuuuuuuuuuur seems to think that this is because he's pining for a Walford hottie. That's a
As it's Billy Idiot's birthday, what better way to illustrate that Janine is a bad mother than having her unload her child on him.
Shirley has re-emerged to tell Sharon that her relationship with Phil is DOOOOOOOOOOMED! It's Walford, that's like saying it's probably going to rain in the next few months. This shocking revelation has Sharon popping more pills...
For someone who has worked on the market for years, Lister seems almost utterly incapable of dealing with people... which seems strange as you'd think interpersonal relationships were pretty much the bread and butter of his job and that even with no innate ability, you'd eventually pick it up from experience but he is part of the EVIL council and so has to be either a mean spirited jobsworth or an emotionless pencil pusher... or just sadistic and mad with power because no official in the entire history of Walford has been anything other than a scumbag, when you get down to it. Surprisingly though, Kat puts the blame firmly on Lister.
Billy Idiot is trying to impress Ava but she's indifferent and then to show that he's the bottom of the heap the barely sentient meatbags Arfuuuuuuur and Tyler make fun of him.
Count Moonula is kicking Ray and his troubled teens out of the gym. The troubled teens we've not seen or heard of for months. Makes it hard to care.
Shirley makes some more fun because of Sharon and Phil - long make it continue - and then Count Moonula joins in! All very amusing.
Jay returns to find that Billy Idiot's plan to win the affections of Ava involves getting Dexter Fletcher onside by giving him work to help him win the bet with Jay (making that subplot even MORE thrilling, if that's possible) but wastes no time telling him the reasons, which upsets him and he tells Billy that his mother is too good for a loser like him... Truer words were ne'er spoken.
After this latest humiliation, Billy goes for a bit of a sulk but Lola is on hand with about three words to totally turn around his attitude. He's going to show this Square he's a man to be reckoned with!
In a plot twist for the ages, there is going to be a surprise party for the birthday boy... how unsurprising.
Oh and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuur and Pointless Poppy have decided that they need to help Tamwar find love. How original! Because only people in relationships can lead fulfilling and meaningful lives!
Billy Idiot walks in, talking about how he's washing his hands of everyone because they forgot his birthday - you're lucky they don't forget your name - JUST as he walks into the Vic, which is full of people ready to wish him well. Janine tries to curry favour with the proles by buying drinks - meanwhile Sharon rushes off, having JUST arrived.
Dexter Fletcher manages to get a concession out of his mother - he'll give Billy Idiot a chance, if she does the same with Cora.
Lola asks if she can go and tuck Lexi in, while we see Sharon rushing home and jonesing for a fix... and then running upstairs.
Ava arrives at the Vic to give Billy Idiot a peck on the cheek. Bleugh.
We end on possibly one of the most heart warming scenes in recent memory though, Lexi discovering the unconscious body (it's simply too much to hope for her to bed dead) of Sharon. Bliss.
Apparently Count Moonula didn't leave. That's a shame. No, he's sleeping on a sofa.
It's Billy Idiot's birthday... who cares.
Sharon is back on the pills... really, it would make more sense to Phil go back on the crack given that he's in a relationship with Sharon.
Cora wants to get Dexter Fletcher but Ava isn't too happy. Oh dear.
Kat and Bianca are in the blame allocation stage and having to deal with repercussions - they're now considering some insincere words of apology. Oh and Kat is all sympathetic toward Michael about getting kicked out and losing his child but he's "moving on".
Masood and Carol are going out for a drink - LOVE IS IN THE AIR! Oh and Tamwar is still on his case about this. Arfuuuuuuuuuuur seems to think that this is because he's pining for a Walford hottie. That's a
As it's Billy Idiot's birthday, what better way to illustrate that Janine is a bad mother than having her unload her child on him.
Shirley has re-emerged to tell Sharon that her relationship with Phil is DOOOOOOOOOOMED! It's Walford, that's like saying it's probably going to rain in the next few months. This shocking revelation has Sharon popping more pills...
For someone who has worked on the market for years, Lister seems almost utterly incapable of dealing with people... which seems strange as you'd think interpersonal relationships were pretty much the bread and butter of his job and that even with no innate ability, you'd eventually pick it up from experience but he is part of the EVIL council and so has to be either a mean spirited jobsworth or an emotionless pencil pusher... or just sadistic and mad with power because no official in the entire history of Walford has been anything other than a scumbag, when you get down to it. Surprisingly though, Kat puts the blame firmly on Lister.
Billy Idiot is trying to impress Ava but she's indifferent and then to show that he's the bottom of the heap the barely sentient meatbags Arfuuuuuuur and Tyler make fun of him.
Count Moonula is kicking Ray and his troubled teens out of the gym. The troubled teens we've not seen or heard of for months. Makes it hard to care.
Shirley makes some more fun because of Sharon and Phil - long make it continue - and then Count Moonula joins in! All very amusing.
Jay returns to find that Billy Idiot's plan to win the affections of Ava involves getting Dexter Fletcher onside by giving him work to help him win the bet with Jay (making that subplot even MORE thrilling, if that's possible) but wastes no time telling him the reasons, which upsets him and he tells Billy that his mother is too good for a loser like him... Truer words were ne'er spoken.
After this latest humiliation, Billy goes for a bit of a sulk but Lola is on hand with about three words to totally turn around his attitude. He's going to show this Square he's a man to be reckoned with!
In a plot twist for the ages, there is going to be a surprise party for the birthday boy... how unsurprising.
Oh and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuur and Pointless Poppy have decided that they need to help Tamwar find love. How original! Because only people in relationships can lead fulfilling and meaningful lives!
Billy Idiot walks in, talking about how he's washing his hands of everyone because they forgot his birthday - you're lucky they don't forget your name - JUST as he walks into the Vic, which is full of people ready to wish him well. Janine tries to curry favour with the proles by buying drinks - meanwhile Sharon rushes off, having JUST arrived.
Dexter Fletcher manages to get a concession out of his mother - he'll give Billy Idiot a chance, if she does the same with Cora.
Lola asks if she can go and tuck Lexi in, while we see Sharon rushing home and jonesing for a fix... and then running upstairs.
Ava arrives at the Vic to give Billy Idiot a peck on the cheek. Bleugh.
We end on possibly one of the most heart warming scenes in recent memory though, Lexi discovering the unconscious body (it's simply too much to hope for her to bed dead) of Sharon. Bliss.
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