Friday 8th March 2013

Dot is pondering her letter from the council but just puts it back in the drawer it was in.

The slack jawed gawkers of Walford seem amazed that the shop is closed, unaware that within are trapped Ian and Denise - love's young dream... OK, middle aged desperation and fear of dying alone.

Phil is all smiles and sunshine - which prompts Count Monula to taunt Jack by saying "it must be  a bird". Jacknocchio goes to give Sharon's hair the third degree which is something she could certainly do with getting more - pointing out that he's left looking after the son she seemed to be having separation anxiety about only a month or two ago. Although, it seems strange he'd go on about ignoring kids given the number he has and barely remembers, let alone tends to.

Billy Idiot shouts at Lola and rightly points out King Phil is a capricious man and there's a good chance that he'll turn around and do the exact opposite of what he said last night - which is to say, grass her up to the police for becoming Ronnie #2.

Liam has reappeared - remember how he had a storyline about being a teenage tearaway? No? WHAT GREAT PACING! Anyway, Bianca is fussing over him and reminding us that in the eyes of the Crayon Crew - poor people are stupid. Also, parole officers can meet you in the caffffffff and flirt with your mother. This is starting to feel like a rinse and repeat of Carol's fling with a police officer and it hasn't even started. Yawn.

Pointless Poppy is eating humble pie for having gentlemen callers. This causes Dot to start quoting the Bible - never a good sign. Then PP makes the mistake of mentioning ZE COUNCIL! Ruhroh, that'll make Dot have one of her nervous turns.

Denise is the only person with keys to the shop - causing PP to assume she has been murdered. Kim being even more stupid than PP thinks this is true and tries to break in. This tomfoolery interrupts the musings of Ian and Denise on their night together - which is that they kind of like one another - because it sets off the alarm.

Dot takes to talking to Liam about school and gives him some money and tells him to stop truanting. Liam looks as if he might be thieving but instead returns the money to Dot's purse. Presumably he's dealing "the drugs" to make money, so he doesn't need help from Dot... oh and Dot talks about tackling problems before they get out of control. Dohoho!

Parole officer perv goes ahead  and asks Carol out on a date... no, there's no conflict of interest in dating the mother of one of your charges. That's the kind of thing they're not bothered about - obviously. Then Count Moonula tells her that Half-Day Alice has got her father's ashes down the back of the sofa in a carrier bag.

Ian and Denise are still trapped, as Denise doesn't want to be gossiped about but then the fuzz arrive and thankfully the alarm is turned off. They go into the store room to find only Ian but of course, Denise is hiding and Ian helps her to escape to safety.

King Phil turns up to demand Lola and Billy Idiot seek an audience with him in the afternoon. Then shouts at Sharon - your Ozzie Osborne impression needs work, Phil.

Kim is still agitating about Denise's "disappearance" but her sister appears and after a moment of confusion, it seems that Kim is stupid enough to think that Denise somehow locked up the shop without noticing Ian was trapped in the storeroom. Wait a second... the front door was locked, the alarm was on... did Denise do that BEFORE she got trapped in the storeroom. That makes no sense or did someone come in AFTER her to lock-up and if that's the case, why didn't Ian and Denise hear them? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE!

Half-Day Alice suddenly remembers that she actually only knew her father for eight months... funny how she seems to have forgotten about her mother who she has known her entire life! Time for them to scatter Derek's ashes though.

The united street gangs of Benetton - comprised of every colour of the rainbow - appear... and as they're DA YOUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF they are up to no good and who should help them escape from the British Transport Police other than Liam? DUN DUN DUN!

Dot checks the letter from ZE COUNCIL from the expression on her face - not good news.

Liam goes to meet DA YOUFF outside absolutely-not-KFC but Shirley sees him with them and apparently, gangs of YOUFF make loadsa money... so Liam considers packing it in at the dangerously-close-to-copyright-infringement franchise and turning to the dark side... meaning, he wants to join DA YOUFF GANG!

Long boring scene with Half-Day Alice scattering her father's ashes with Kat and Carol. NEXT!

Ah, King Phil's diabolical plan comes to fruition. He pretends that he has been too lax with Lola and then plays off to SS Officer Joyless the fact his brief ripped into Lola as just him showing off...  Uh, no. That's something a brief would need to be specifically instructed to do. Anyway, Billy Idiot and Lola seem to be surprised that they've been shafted again and SS Officer Joyless doesn't really have any follow up questions to the obvious lie she has just been told. Then King Phil takes Billy Idiot off on a clandestine mission.

And Dot's house is getting repossessed!