Thursday 21st March 2013

Sharon stops by to interrogate Tanya about the date with King Phil.

Liam is still struggling with the balsa wood door of his room. He hasn't tried his window and didn't just rush Bianca yesterday... clearly he takes after his father in the brains department. Oh and Twitney has reappeared and doesn't know what is going on.

It's a day of random reappearances and Shirley has reappeared - to remind us that 'Ev got murdered. What better way to set this scene up than having comic relief character AJ and his hijinks!

Speaking of murder, King Phil wants Lexi to go to prison and meet Gok Ben... that baby has a tough enough time of it as it is without finding out about his father. Neither Billy Idiot or Lola are keen on this idea but King Phil points out that they've both been on the receiving end of child thieving, so they should put that in their pipes and smoke it.

Twitney points out that as she has remembered about her brief flirtation with gangs and also being a sex worker - it would perhaps be a good idea for her to talk to Liam (presumably before she forgets it all again). Bianca grudgingly accepts this but immediately flies into a rage when she sees his new trainers and phone... and finally concedes she might need help... But as is all too common in Walford Jacknocchio has temporarily disappeared from the prime material plane to be sequestered into some pocket dimension... probably. Oh and Bianca tells Twitney she is selfish for not wanting to be Liam's warden.

Masood and AJ decide to get Tamwar into a karate class because we need more wacky hijinks as they try and impress the attractive female instructor. Hilarity fails to ensue.

Gok Ben refuses to see Phil for about the bajilliontyith time - only seeing Lola and Lexi, where he tells her that Phil is poison. As Shriley's raison d'etre is purely to harangue Phil, she appears to stick the knife in but Phil doesn't seem too bothered. Oh and apparently Gok Ben made her choose between him and his father... mentally unstable murderer versus manipulative crime boss who has vowed to make sure you never get your child back... talk about a rock and a hard place.

Kirstie gives Billy Idiot some dating advice because the Crayon Crew are so bereft of ideas they're just throwing romances at the wall in the vague hope some of them won't be as ridiculously stupid as Sharon and Jacknocchio... mission easily possibly. Oh and it's Bianca he has suddenly fallen for... Ava who is discussing Bianca's familial woes (over a drink, naturally). Weren't you supposed to be working on the stall, Bianca?

Shirley is hanging around like a bad smell, it seems... sounding rather like a broken record, going on and on about 'Ev... that'll be the best friend you pretty much only really appreciated after she was murdered, eh? What better way to remember the death of your favourite servant/friend than to confront Tanya about the fact her daughter is dating someone who was present at the murder, eh? Patrick is on hand to offer some surprisingly sensible advice - that only one person killed 'Ev and he's in jail, so maybe stop being such a colossal bitch to everyone that comes within gurning distance.

Bianca admits to Ava (now with Dexter Fletcher in tow) that she has locked Liam up. Apparently though, external help isn't needed - and quite why she thinks the inarticulate Jacknocchio who is barely more cogent than his grunting brother would be able to get through to him is a mystery - all he needs is his mother's love!

Meanwhile, it looks as if Twitney is about to earn her name as Liam tries to manipulate her into opening the door. It would be genuinely surprising if she didn't let him escape at this point. No such surprise is forthcoming though as mere moments later, Bianca starts screeching at him as he leaves the house and he does what any sane person would do when hearing that high pitched shriek and starts running.

Max finds out about Phil dating his wife and being a man well known for self-constraint, runs round to open his mouth and allow the slurry of his incomprehensible words spread like verbal effluent through the room. King Phil turns up though and Max is quickly on his way!

Remember how there was the implication that Patrick was going to require a lengthy recovery? Yeah, forget that - he's out and about again with not a care in the world. Sadly, he makes the mistake of talking to Shirley and she's still trying to wring the last drops of emotion out of the whole 'Ev murder storyline. Jeez, give it up! You're the only person who even REMEMBERS her any more! You can't just have everyone forget about a character, then have another character whose own time on the show in the past eight months is more easily measured in seconds than minutes and expect anyone to care.

Oh, the comedy hijinks with karate class culminate in Tamwar being emo as Masood and AJ make comedy noises due to the strains they got from not warming up.

The date between Phil and Tanya continues, they even ponder aloud as to why it has taken them seven years to talk... no real answer is given, beyond of course the fact everyone in Walford tends to live in total isolation. Also, Tanya gets drunk and Phil rejects her advances - for about five seconds because Tanya wants to prove that she's as big a slag as any woman in Walford!