Monday 25th March 2013

Liam is still on the horrifying slum estate but concern about his welfare seems pretty low. Or at least, that's how you have to take it when Bianca actively argues against getting the police involved... she also has a fear of... ZE SOCIAL! You'd think his continued truancy would be more of an issue in that regard, wouldn't you? Apparently not... oh and Bianca is going to sort it.

Square mad woman Jean has ordered forty bags of flour... is flour very expensive? Also, flour lasts quite a while but apparently this is the non-Phil related storyline that Shirley has been waiting for... If you think about it, it's pretty obvious why she and Phil had a relationship... both of them are creatures of whimsy, predictably changing their mind more often than most people blink.

Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur and Pointless Poppy are looking for a place to live but apparently times are tough - which means when Saint Alfie of Walford appears, Pointless Poppy asks for a raise (on Arfuuuuuur's behalf - rather to his chagrin). Turns out the Vic is strapped for cash too and somehow this is a reason for Alfie to go... to Yorkshire?

Bianca resorts to her default crisis resolution mode - SHOUTING because shouting equals drama! Also acting. Also, it's suddenly remembered again Misery Guts Carol has a reason to be miserable - her son died... but Bianca stops just short of throwing that in her face... eh, looks as if she has probation officer perv out of it, not all bad.

Meanwhile Liam's gang greets the morning with alcohol... Because they're DA YOUFFFFFF.

Lost property is auctioned off, apparently for mere pennies... sight unseen. Yup, they auction off unclaimed luggage without opening it.

Bianca returns to THE WASTELAND and remarks that trying to find Liam would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack... Funny you should mention that, given that last time you went looking for Liam YOU FOUND HIM IMMEDIATELY. At least they went during the day.

Abi is worried about Jay which manifests itself by him trying to start an engine in the garage repeatedly... One car requires three people to work on it... and what is the point of King Phil being there if he has three employees?

A moral quandary is created when Arfuuuuuuuuuuur discovers a watch of considerable value but then Pointless Poppy discovers an address. Oh, goodness. It's almost as if they should open the luggage up to try and ascertain who owns it before selling it to any Tom, Dick or Harry!

On the slum estate from hell, Bianca is handing out flyers for her son and then it turns out Ava lives there! OK. She was working in a very well heeled primary school in the leafy suburbs and they made it clear that it was quite a ways away from Walford... oh, right - logic. Let's just leave that out of this.

The binge drinking continues with Liam and chums but is promptly interrupted by someone Bianca handed a flyer to mere moments ago - what are the chances, eh? Oh and that chap is the gang leader's father and in something that will surely shock everyone - he's an abusive father, thus explaining the behaviour of his son in one unspeakably trite and lazy cliché that will abrogate any further need for nuance or characterisation.

Jean's excessive flour purchase has turned into AFTERNOON TEA... even Saint Alfie can't really say anything positive about that.

King Phil gives Jay the day off - what a big softie he is.

Ava gives Bianca a heart-to-heart about her son's run in with gang violence. Yawn.

More moral quandries for Arfuuuuuuuuuuur as Pointless Poppy is quite insistent upon returning the suitcase to the rightful owner, having established that the reason it wasn't collected is that he was hospitalised for a month but he seems less than certain.

Turns out Jean's cupcakes are improbably successful. So successful that they allow Phil and Shirley to be within shouting distance and NOT have Shirley start a tirade. Those must be quite some cupcakes.

It turns out DA YOUFFFFFFFF all slum it in a single flat, for which they have to pay the bully boy stereotypical drunken dad rent... and as bully boy dad has shown the gang leader the poster, Liam needs to "take care of" his whinging mother. DUN DUN DUN!