Thursday 7th March 2013

Cora is here to save the day! Indeed, she has arrived to clear her name by catching a thief and she's not taking no for an answer!

Billy Idiot arrives at the Arches and concludes that with the fifty or sixty pounds Lola has taken - she could be ANYWHERE. Yes. It's not as if she left with a baby and absolutely no supplies.

Denise and Ian hijinks continue in a manner that was tired back in the eighties.

Dot and Cora continue to watch for the ham thief... it's like watching paint dry.

King Phil is driving around London in his Chelsea tractor... because the first place Lola would go would be some random street out in the surburbs. He's about to forcibly eject Billy Idiot from the car but Sharon's hair notices that Lola made another call. It took them THIS long to check who she called?

Ian shows Denise his tattoo, which apparently is some kind of shocking revelation and means he's a totally different person.

Back to watching paint dry where Cora and Dot debate the existence of ghosts and the soul.

King Phil finds that despite having  pressed criminal charges against her - and thus being responsible for her current predicament - Lola went to the leader of the Chav Troop for help and has gone to Tottenham, despite the assurance that she isn't there (after having taken King Phil's money), they have to check the house full of youffffffffff.

Ian and Denise are now onto impressions, which Denise takes as a good opportunity to make light of Ian's trampoid meltdown. Realising this, she apologises. That makes it all better then. This is actually the first time Ian has talked about his trampoid experience... an odd juncture for this. Oh and Ian apparently identified as Jesus during his trampoid stage.

Lola WAS staying with the Chav Troop - what a surprise. They're all smiles and sunshine now... and this is where Lola will hide out.

Arffffuuuuuuur and Pointless Poppy return home to find Cora and Dot fast asleep on the sofa. So they put a blanket over them. Awww...

Billy Idiot and Dexter Fletcher are doing the "have you seen this girl" routine, in apparently random places...  that's unlikely to be fruitful. If only they knew Lola was sobbing her eyes out as a party is keeping her awake,  Lexi appears to be having a ball though. Oh no, the fuzz! CHEESE IT!

The thief has been uncovered! It was sleepwalking Arfffffffuuurr! Naked sleep walking Arfffffffffffffuuuuurrrr.

Ian and Denise talk about what romantic failures they are before having a kiss. Yikes.

Dot is upset about Pointless Poppy having gentlemen callers and lying about it but this is clearly projection about her own financial problems. No! Dot, don't think about them! If you forget about them, they'll disappear.

Sharon's hair has a go at King Phil and tells him that he's a monster. Lexi is just a replacement for Gok Ben - tell us something we don't know!

Cora has clocked that something is off with Dot and after proving she had given her key back, swaggers off  and Dot is in a state because of it. Perhaps she shouldn't leave that letter somewhere easily accessible.

Denise wants to hook up with Ian because people can ONLY be happy if they're in a relationship. Especially if they're women.

King Phil and Sharon go to a playground where Lola went as a child... given the size of London, it's remarkable that the Chav Troop's house was within walking distance of it... because of COURSE Lola is here as she mentioned it once to Sharon but she manages to hide. Which gives Sharon and Phil a chance to kiss - as if you didn't hate Sharon enough, eh?

Lexi gives herself away, presumably because she's as sick of this storyline as everyone else and King Phil gives Lola and Lexi and hug and thankfully, it's all over.