Tanya explains to Abi she's going to take Lauren off into residential care that very night, without discussing it with Max or indeed Lauren.
Caveman Max has worked out that Kirstie isn't pregnant but instead of asking why she didn't see a doctor, just assumes she lost it... just as well his knowledge of human reproduction is on a par with his ability to speak cogent English but Kirstie has had enough of this elaborate deceit and comes clean. Guess what happens? SHOUTING! After the get over the first bout of shouting - Kirstie begs Max not to leave but he manhandles her and leaves.
Abi puts her foot down, saying that she isn't leaving just for the sake of her sister but then Max comes a knockin'. Abi is quite insistent that her mother tell Max about this but Tanya seems less than keen... for some reason Max is super keen to tell his ex that Kirstie isn't preggers because he's just gagging to get back with her. "Oh, she isn't pregnant - let's get back together!" the funny thing is that Max seems surprised she reacts adversely to this presumptuous proposition. Before she can rush him out the door though, Abi appears to make sure her father knows about Tanya's plan to leave under cover of night.
Tanya and Max, round two... so... this is basically a repeat of the Abi/Tanya discussion at the start but with more SHOUTING because shouting is ACTING! Also, since when did rehab require an entire family to relocate? Tanya hilariously accuses Max of culpability for Bradley's death - which is accurate to a degree and then we recount how awful the Branning family are... Max's repeated infidelity, the Christmas video nasty, the secret cancer flu... how about BURYING your husband alive? Anyway, if you've seen any of the innumerable tearful shouty scenes between Tanya and Max, you've seen this one... it's hard to care about the yo-yo love life of Max and Tanya... On and on it goes, when anyone will care - nobody knows.
Finally, mercifully the scene ends when a drunken Kirstie appears to beg Max to take her back again... being drunk REALLY helped your chances... after a little shouting, that's all done.
Lauren comes downstairs to ask why everyone has to shout - because shouting shows how DRAMATIC things are and how people are ACTING, of course! - which seems a stupid question in Walford... and the best way to get Lauren into rehab, a pack of lies! She doesn't seem to think there's anything strange about her family all standing around tearful for a trip off into the country at the drop of a hat?
Oh, wait - it seems even alcohol hasn't addled Lauren's mind that much. She's worked it out and she and the Caveman try for an emotional father/daughter scene... WITHOUT SHOUTING?!
All the inconsequential tearful farewells take place as the tedious episode and painful storyline draws mercifully for an end... of course, it has to be dragged out a little more by Max and Tanya saying they're the one true love, blah, blah, blah. The end. Thank goodness, this episode was so tedious it should come with a health warning... it's heart stopping - due to how boring it is.
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