Friday 21st June 2013

Lauren tells her mother that Peter has asked her out, at which point Joey walks in.

Looks like Carl has washed up at the B&B.

Ian makes some very suspicious inquiries about Carl to Bianca but naturally, doesn't tell her anything.

Kat tells Michael she's not best pleased at him playing father after two years and she's going to tell Alfie!

Just as well Michael distracted Kat because Alfie and Poxy are getting down to baby making.

CAVEMAN MAX NO LIKE BEALE BOY! Jeez, give it a rest Max.

Carl comes back to talk to Bianca, who plays twenty questions but he obviously decides he'll get his story straight and they'll talk over coffee.

The sloping brow of caveman Max darkens the shop, where he happens to run into Peter and immediately tells her not to give Lauren a drink or... HE'LL COME AFTER 'IM!

Lauren - still looking like a member of the living dead - is ready for her date. What could go wrong?!

Peter asks Evil Lucy why she didn't mention Lauren's crippling alcoholism and Evil Lucy seems worryingly interested in this date happening - also while

Carl's web of lies begins to be spun, prompting her to spill the story of Ian's rags to riches... which seems to appeal to Carl.

Ian - being an invertebrate - tries to avoid Carl by getting Jean to handle the restaurant (apparently the kitchen AND front of house... why would he need to do that?) He doesn't think that the guy will be able to track him down?

Michael tells Alfie that he told Tommy about his true parentage... Alfie takes it pretty poorly, given that Tommy probably won't remember any of it.

The idiotic Kim tries to put the moves on Sam, oblivious to his indifference as he and Ava flirt by text.

Another sign of the apocalypse - Poxy talking sense, when she points out that Tommy was going to have to find out that Alfie wasn't his biological father at SOME point.

Lauren is getting a little antsy about her date but a quick team chat from her mother and then new head Peter is there. He seems blown away, despite her being so pale.

Turns out that Kirstie knows Carl! DUN DUN DUN!

Joey and Evil Lucy decide on a date because if an alcoholic like Lauren can go on a date, then so can they... and then two people walk into the chippy as Evil Lucy leaves it unattended... They'll be waiting a while.

Ian peers out from the kitchen and as soon as he opens the door, there's Carl... apparently carrying on the charade that Derek is coming to dinner with him. One has to wonder why Ian said he didn't know Derek... although, in fairness - he was clearly just making things up as he went along, so it's not a big deal.

The Alfie and Michael confrontation is hilarious. Michael seems to positively reveling in the villainous role.

Lauren and Peter do some flirting but guess who walks in? EVIL LUCY! Which immediately prompts Lauren to order some drinks... and Peter doesn't have a cross word to say.

The polite menacing of Carl continues as Ian does his best bad lying face. He wants Ian's blood!

Lauren the consummate alcoholic - is apparently drunk after one vodka lemonade. She immediately concludes that Peter knows about her drinking because of Lucy and then threatens to leave if he doesn't tell her... and then finds out that this whole thing happened at the behest of her parents to distract her from alcohol.

Alfie tells his babbling toddler (or should that be Michael's?) that Michael is his real father... Alfie seems more upset than Tommy. Quelle surprise.

Carl's polite menacing concludes when Ian admits to taking the money and Carl says that he'll be paying him five hundred pounds for the foreseeable future... Should have poisoned his food when you had the chance!

Lauren strops off from her date with Peter... oh, what a surprise!

Kat establishes from Kirstie that Carl is bad news... for some reason  Bianca feels the need to question Kirstie's judgement but that's silenced when she confesses to being engaged to him.

Alfie is still moping about telling Tommy.

Lauren turns up to the club drunk... with people she doesn't know...  who cares.

Sam and Ava sneak into the club but almost get caught by Kim... fortunately, they don't call her Dim Kim for nothing and Sam outwits her.

Carl sees Kirstie and Max and tells them he's "settling in". DUN DUN DUN!

And the cliffhanger is Lauren MAYBE getting into a taxi and dropping her bag. GRIPPING!