Monday 17th June 2013

Max remains apparently unconcerned with his daughter's alcoholism... can he really have forgotten again already?

Abi fell asleep revising for exams... because that's apparently become her only distinguishing feature of late. Revising.

Bianca - being a cash strapped single mother living below the poverty line - is looking to get that notoriously cheap thing, a private detective to track down dear old dad... but Carol is being a bit of a misery guts about it.

Alice is suspicious of why Joey is being nice to her and then it comes out that Joey "had words", his fists must be syllables then. Alice is not best pleased.

Tanya goes to see Lauren at her new digs - seems as if she's taking another day off work to... watch Abi revise, maybe? Anyway, Kirstie doesn't let her in and just as well because Lauren isn't overly keen on talking to her mother... who can blame her? To say Tanya is running hot and cold would be like saying Sharon is a terrible person - a massive understatement.

Brace yourself for a shock... COMMON SENSE! Kirstie suggests calling a doctor - that's bonkers! At least Lauren thinks so.

Generic exchange between Ava and Sam - well, OK. Not generic, they use their inside voices.

Bianca goes to confront Ian about the letter and he stumbles through a bad lie before she threatens to tell her mum! No, seriously.

Joey decides that having been an idiot and BEING an idiot, the best thing is to go and get Pointless Poppy to sort out Alice... what does it say about you when you think of the empty headed Poppy as your

Max continues to appear utterly indifferent and/or oblivious to Lauren's alcoholism despite having discovered it for the third time (at least) less than a week ago. Or perhaps he just has a lot on his mind because he's somehow able to make the front door of his house sound like a car door! Then Kirstie says he needs to see Lauren - ah, well - we should remember that in lieu of a doctor Max is your next best bet. Able to cure his brother's paralysis and able to diagnose Phil's ailments after falling down into the inspection pit at a glance!

Ian confronts Lucy, thinking she gave Bianca the letter - which Lucy denies and then points out that they'll probably be wondering what else was in the box... It's almost as if he should have disposed of all that incriminating evidence. Although, why they would suspect there was money in it isn't something Lucy ventures to explain.

Lauren is clearly going into alcohol withdrawal but even though Kirstie against insists on calling a doctor, Max (self-proclaimed father of the decade mere minutes ago) is more concerned about Kirstie picking out nursery things than his clearly poorly alcoholic daughter.

Alice goes to see Pointless Poppy and within the blink of an eye, she has rumbled that Joey is responsible  for this state of affairs. Which prompts her to run off, do some thieving, get confronted by Bianca about it before running off when Joey appears.

As Joey has the brains and personality of a glass of water, he pursues Alice to try and use his lack of charm and personality to fix the problem. Which works about as well as using petrol to put out a fire... to prove this, Alice shows him the three or four pounds worth of tat she has stolen. Cue tearful confession to Joey, complete with running mascara. Joey - perhaps living up to his counterpart in Friends - reacts by mentally trying to calculate the square root of five thousand, three hundred and ninety one.

Ian - in the most suspicious manner possible - hands over Derek's stash, not even really offering a plausible explanation as to why he took so long to do so and then Bianca finds a phone number! DUN DUN DUN!

After Max and Tanya wish Abi well in her exams but Max has to break the news that Lauren doesn't want to come back...

Kirstie suggests a doctor for the third time and then implores Lauren to seek help, citing her own personal  experience and Max's extreme idiocy as a reason to try and sort herself out now.

Another scene between Sam and Dexter... yawn.

Count Moonula rises from the crypt but seems to have catatonic.

Joey tries his very best to have a personality but he fails.

Max the idiot despite having hit the trifecta on discovering his own daughter's alcoholism is apparently back to a river in Egypt and let's not forget, this is the incoherent caveman whose first reaction to Lauren potentially having a drinking problem (well, the first time they discovered it) was to march her down to the GP and demand they scare Lauren straight.