Thursday 13th June 2013

Tanya starts the day doing what she should have done before - checking for Lauren's hidden booze.

Half-Day Alicce is like a puppy after having had sex with Michael, who looks utterly indifferent.

Dexter and his dad bump into one another - nothing new.

Lauren moans about her imprisonment - it doesn't occur to her that she's being held against her will?

Turns out Dexter's dad is working just across from Dexter!

Misery Guts Carol gets advice on the menopause from Dot, who then talks to King Phil about the charity fundraiser - he is suitably nonplussed as he didn't give his blessing.

Alice has to tell Pointless Poppy about having sex with Michael - PP doesn't seem particularly supportive. Shockingly, she actually points out Michael might have been using her but there are none so blind as those who will not see.

Phil goes to express his displeasure to Sharon and she's as snippy as you'd expect someone to be with their boss.

Evil Lucy is clearly setting her sights on Ian as she experiences some cash flow problems of her own due to Ian's thieving... no word on how he's going to manage to cover his outgoings while the restaurant takes off but presumably ignoring it will sort it out.

Tanya decides to not let Max help... also, it appears where Lauren lives is not down to her but rather her parents... old enough to buy alcohol but apparently the property of her parents, eh?

Alice clearly thinks - despite all signs to the contrary - her and Michael are a thing and asks Kat to make herself scarce and dohohoh, she makes a joke about Michael walking in on her!

It seems it's Evil Lucy's turn to go through the long lost lockbox looking over the letter from Doctor Holby and also more pointless sniping amongst the Beale family.

Dot and the vicar up the pressure on Sharon for their young Christian bash

Hey, remember when Ava had a job? No, no one does - especially Ava who is swanning around having a shouting match with Dexter.

Lauren begs for booze from Twitney from her window... if she was going to go into withdrawal - surely it would have started by now? Although, that would explain her appearance.

Meanwhile, Cora knocks back booze at the bar and bemoans the evils of booze. If only the Crayon Crew understood irony.

It would appear that Lauren going into withdrawal has imbued her with telekinesis as she stands next to the table WITHOUT EVEN TOUCHING IT she somehow propels the tea her mother has just put down out of the mug and onto Abi's arm... spooky but then superpowers do tend to manifest themselves under stress.

Ava and Sam to-and-fro again.

Tanya and Abi lament Lauren's withdrawal - if only they could have done this is some kind of controlled manner, possibly with a medical profession to help ease the symptoms, ONE OF WHICH IS POTENTIALLY DEATH but yes, clearly that's just crazy talk... after all, it's the Walford way - with such poster boys as Nick Cotton and Phil Mitchell.

Evil Lucy laments her father lauding her brother and also brings up the topic of Bianca's father aka Doctor Holby. FORESHADOWING!

Misery Guts Carol finally tells Masood she's going through the menopause and... he's totally fine with it.

Lauren tries a jailbreak but as her mother is all of five paces away it doesn't work.

Dexter gets logick'd when he says Lola doesn't know his father and then both she and Jay point out that neither does he.

Sharon seems to have forgotten that she's employed by Phil - share owner or not - because she says he can't tell her what to do... He can. He's your boss.

Masood and Carol talk about being old - wow, people over forty having relationships! DOHOHOH!

Michael tells Alice what everyone knew except her - he was just having sex with her and love had nothing to do with it.

A heart stopping finale as Lauren risks the two or three metre fall from a first floor window, risking injuries as serious as maybe a sprained ankle or nasty bit of bruising. Naturally everyone acts as if she's about to fall off the top of Big Ben but fortunately, Max is on hand to help Lauren down to end her thirty second long ordeal at three thousand millimetres!

To cap it all off, Lauren screams and runs off while everyone looks a little baffled.