Having dealt with the very serious issue of alcohol dependence over the last few weeks, it should come as a surprise to no one that with the departure (and imminent forgetting) of Lauren... that Michael is making sure to hydrate himself with plenty of neat whiskey.
Billy Idiot is on the phone to Janine and tells a whopper! He says he knows what reticent means... Anyway, porkies aside Janine is instructing him to make it appear as if she's back to mess with Michael... and she is orchestrating this from a room with "windows" that have images of the houses of parliament... so she's clearly no in London and just feeling a little homesick... for the most stereotypically touristy view of the city.
Jean continues her descent into village mad woman - not helped by Ian who is back to the old penny pinching miser, quick to bully those he can but then back to understanding Ian fast enough to give you whiplash... if Ian is supposed to have picked up bipolar disorder or some such because of his trampoid breakdown, it's worth pointing out that bipolar disorder. DOESN'T. WORK. THAT. WAY.
Michael menaces Billy Idiot, who eventually divulges Janine's location. Apparently this is just part of her diabolical plan... which Michael seems to realise and then he gets to thinking about this being a trap... but Alice is there to tell him that Janine probably still loves him and if he loves Scarlet, he should go anyway. Oh and Billy Idiot is described as "a weapons grade moron". Priceless.
Jean is moaning to Shirley and has decided that Ian is now pursuing her romantically. Which she knows because of her horoscope. Knowing that Jean suffers a long history of being the village mad woman, instead of trying to be constructive... Shirley's advice is to "slap him down".
It turns out the whole Square is now awash with gossip about Kirstie and Dot comes to tell her, it's OK...
Cora and Ava are doing the bonding thing again, where Cora makes some none too subtle insinuations about her current dalliance with Sam.
Ian is making some statements to Jean that could be read as flirtatious.
Billy Idiot is explaining how much of an idiot to Janine as she laments the fact her elaborate plan to lure Michael to the hotel has failed but thanks to dramatic timing, in comes Michael! Oh and Billy gets fired for about the hundredth time.
Cora presents Ava an ultimatum! Tell Dexter about her and Sam or end it!
The travails of Pointless Poppy being the salon manager! Her and Half-Day Alice having a conversation about this... isn't nature supposed to abhor a vacuum?
Carl reminds us that he's still there by putting the moves on Kirstie.
Time for some Michael and Janine to play some games.
Carl comes to menace Ian politely again, just before he and Denise have dinner... prompting Jean to make some unfounded comments about Denise based on her current flight of fancy.
Half-Day Alice's stealing is back! Sort of. She picks up some hundreds and thousands, then puts them back... while Shirley has her face on till.
Janine finally asks a valid question - what POSSIBLE reason could she have for going back to Square? Michael's answer? Him!
Jean is going mad about her souffle but after some more asinine behaviour from Ian and commentary from Pointless Poppy, it's fine... the reaction this prompts is Walford's equivalent to putting a man on the moon. OK, it takes a little practice to get a souffle to rise but for a professional chef it shouldn't be seen as an achievement. This prompts Ian to snap back to being nice and he grabs hold of Jean and says to her TWICE that he could kiss her, prompting a slap. Strangely enough, neither Twitney nor Pointless Poppy laugh at this.
Michael's plan is to threaten divorce, tell Janine to stay away from the Square and then abscond. This prompts Janine to say "We're leaving"... why is she getting the nanny to move the suitcases? Surely that's something you could get a hotel porter to do? But now the question is - is Janine going to the Caribbean or back to Walford?!
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