Monday 29th July 2013

Twitney has been "fine all weekend" despite finding out the man who molested her just died... she doesn't look fine and that's not just a reference to her David Dickinson complexion but it's all smiles and sunshine when she walks into the kitchen.

Kat berates Count Moonula for not worrying about Alice and engaging in his evil schemes against Janine. He counters by saying that talking about Half-Day Alice is merely her distracting herself from Alfie's wedding.

Masood is back from his jaunt to Pakistan but Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur can stay oh and the pathetic Tamwar plot du jour ensures... even the saintly Arfuuuuuuuuuuur can't help but be sarcastic about the chances of Tamwar succeeding.

Masood pops around to see Carol and we get another look indicating Twitney is not alright.

It seems Peter is back on a mission to help restore the Beale family as he's put in charge of the chippy and lures his sister there under false pretences.

Count Moonula continues his battle of wits with Janine by... taking his daughter to lunch.

Tamwar's attempt to warn people goes as well as expected and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur commiserates before arranging some alone time with Pointless Poppy.

Twitney tries to deal with a child feeling jealous about the imminent birth of a brother or sister, prompting Twitney to have the revelation that you need to "make the best of it". My, my - what a banal sentiment!

Kat goes round to the Vic for some forced dialogue to prove she's

Evil Lucy is guilted into helping her brother and all  it takes is for him to wear a silly hair net.

Twitney's advice has gone awry as the child she advised tries to run off to apologise - fortunately super Joey is there to save the day!

Michael and Janine's boring battle of wits continues!

Kat and Bianca are snapping at one another, so Bianca doesn't listen to Twitney's problem du jour.

Ian returns to see the Beale twins marvelling at their success and that sours Evil Lucy's mood, Peter then tells his father if he's not careful he'll lose her FOREVER... Deja vu...

Kat is dealing with her problems by boozing. Ah, alcohol - now there is a temporary solution. She invites Count Moounula to join her and he sits down to make a strange face.

Twitney is making spag bol for dinner and is crying but pretends it's just the onions, she goes on to posit telling the other kids about Tony's death but Bianca seems adamant that they don't and then the oblivious Tyler takes an emotionally distraught Twitney out at Bianca's behest, with a smile on his face. That boy is dumber than a sack of hammers.

Kat starts going on about Poxy, which prompts Michael to ask why she's getting wound up about it now.

Twitney and Tyler are in the fine dining restraunt... that really doesn't seem like their scene. Then she goes ahead and brings up Tony... and if Tyler wanted to back away anymore, he'd be out the room, off the planet and outside the visible universe. Tyler then goes on to tell Twitney she's too messed up to work with kids, smooth. Oh and then they run out without paying the bill.

If you hadn't worked it out - Tamwar flat out says that he's a joke. Poor, useless Tamwar. It's a shame he's not academically gifted or moderately talented at comedy... oh, right - he probably just forgot those aspects of his personality.

Moonula is off for the next move in his game - Kat snipes at him, only to be rebuffed with a remark about how unbecoming her self-pity is.

Masood tuts at Tamwar about not observing Ramadan (while pretending not to)... wow, it's almost as if the Masoods are practicing Muslims or something! That just seems so unlikely though.

Oh no, has Moonula misjudged, he's late to the community centre and Janine did just fine!

Twitney is in the club and getting hit on by Joey. They might sleep together. After an argument by Tyler. They're probably going to sleep together. He lends a sympathetic ear. They're almost certainly going to sleep together. After Twitney throws herself at Joey and declares that she and Tyler are over, he tells her to reconsider... no force in the UNIVERSE can stop them sleeping together!