Monday 22nd April 2013

Being a multi-millionaire who has alienated everyone in Walford and has no reason to go to that third world slum, no one should be surprised that Janine is still hanging around.

Kirstie is being coy about the announcement of her pregnancy - what with not being pregnant.

Liam is going back to school but has had a text from his father. DUN DUN DUN!

Count Moonula seems to be in denial about Janine's return... meanwhile Billy Idiot is hiding from her.

Joey's exciting London marathon storyline comes to a climactic conclusion! Lauren forgot he was doing it! Who can blame her, it got a whopping one mention before this.

The painful "Shirley working in the shop" storyline grinds on, like a glacier over a mountain... For some reason, having worked in what is arguably a far more dehumanising job at we-promise-this-isn't-KFC - she seems very recalcitrant for a job that was given to her on sufferance but then she has to suffer the indignity of Billy Idiot making fun of her as he tries to impress Ava. He makes the strange observation that she isn't at school - people not being at their work is pretty much the status quo! Apparently she still has lots of marking to do... yes, primary schools are well known for the vast quantities of marking.

Janine tracks down Billy Idiot who - despite no visible means of support - turns down her job.

Kirstie's infallible plan is... wait for it... TO GET PREGNANT! And then Kat plays a little pass the parcel

Liam seems to be having a bit of anxiety - probably due to getting stabbed with a jam sandwich but fortunately Ray is on hand to reassure him.

Clearly a glutton for punishment, Janine goes to try and make amends with Lola... clearly she stopped by Walford General for a personality transplant on the way back. Oh and she feels terrible about Lexi being taken away from Lola.

Abi finds out about the fake pregnancy! She is not best played.

For some reason we're subject to a random interlude of Saint Alfie entertaining Tommy and Amy, which is positively eerie as Tommy laughs loudly while Amy sits there utterly mute.

Being someone perpetually impoverished, Billy Idiot lives up to his namesake and throws Janine's money back in her face. Smooth move!

Abi has a go at her mother. She is quite unhappy about this whole baby thing... given that her parents have been estranged NUMEROUS times, to the point of BOTH marrying other people - this seems like a truly bizarre reaction to have.

Liam is punching a punching bag very hard! DUN DUN DUN!

Janine does a "poor me" and for reasons she doesn't explain, she needs Billy Idiot to get her baby back.

Things between Lauren and Joey are still on the rocks because she missed him at the marathon and there relationship seemed so involved beforehand!

A peptalk from Jay and Abi is OK with Kirstie being preggers and then she announces to the whole Vic that she's in the family way. Oh and this totally smooths everything over between Joey and Lauren - thank goodness! Poxy is inspired to get preggers too. That's just what the Square needs - more kids.

Oh and we get ANOTHER threat from Janine about getting her baby back to Michael... which would be slightly more dramatic if not for the fact she already made that exact same threat on Friday. Also, why does Michael seem to think she can't do anything? There's a huge institutional bias against fathers taking custody and it's a sad fact that the legal system disportionately favours the wealthy and Michael hasn't two pennies to rub together. So, really... there's a lot Janine can do.

It also appears that DA GANG are very thoughtful as they waited for Liam to get out of hospital before they started sending him death threats. Again, a fantastic example of poor pacing. How many weeks ago was the gang storyline? And this is the first hint of it since then. All credit to the Crayon Crew though, they really have nailed a way of removing any drama or suspense from storylines.