Friday 19th April 2013

Janine remembers that she owns the house! Also, that she had a baby but uhoh - THERE'S KAT!

Tanya is "havering" a go at Max, whose response is about as comprehensible as the gruntings of a pig. Or was that his brother. Oh and Kirstie is packing her bags. About time.

Janine sounds as if - despite being a moneybags - hasn't got her laryngitis dealt with. It seems worse... actually, she seems to be doing a bit of an impersonation of Sharon. Not a good move. Oh and they're waffling about their unhappy family status. Hard to care.

Goodness, Tanya and Max (how does Manya sound?) bring up the prospect of getting back together. WHO CARES?! It's dull, dull, dull. We've had this happen a thousand times before and that's rounding down!

Kat rumbles The Lips plan to leave because she's an idiot and bought one of those suitcases that just randomly opens at inopportune moments.

Oh dear, it's one of these episodes. There isn't going to be a lot to say. Max got Kirstie to get an abortion because - wait for it - HE STILL LOVES TANYA. In other news, water is still wet.

Janine was suffering from prenatal depression. Oh, not just her being a colossal bitch then. Boooooooring.

Oh, The Lips was lying about being preggers the whole time. Who cares?

Which makes Tanya berating Max about forcing The Lips to get an abortion almost comical... except they bring up the whole thing where Bradley (strong armed by Max) convinced Stacy to get an abortion. That had a happy ending though... oh, wait. It ended in Bradley's death. Even referencing that makes it REALLY hard to give a damn but then, this entire show struggles to evoke any kind of care for the characters because they're all such flimsy cut-outs.

The Lips lied about being preggers because she magically knew that Max and Tanya are the relationship equivalent of Sisyphus in Hades. Then Max wanders over and says THEY NEED TO TALK.

Another long and interminable talk between Janine and Count Moonula. Yawn.

Max apologises for forcing The Lips to get an abortion. She could at least apologise for stealing a child's hula hoop and wearing it! Instead she just says she's happy.

Oh and Janine has come to steal her baby back from Count Moonula. Try and get excited about that... actually, don't. It's impossible because it's so dull. Like this entire episode.