Jacknocchio has done the sensible thing and said he doesn't want to marry Sharon. So, she drags him to the office to give him a pep talk. Apparently he was the driving force behind the relationship... uhuh. Anyway, lots of begging and pleading and telling him it's just nerves before Jack finally admits he saw Ronnie and full to bursting with hypocrisy, Sharon turns nasty about him keeping secrets but apparently he doesn't love her like he loved Ronnie... finally, some realism!
Max and Tanya stand outside the door navel gazing and Lauren seems to have remembered she has an alcohol problem... these things are well known for just coming and going. Like Sharon's substance abuse or Phil's crack habit.
The rest of the guests discuss the upset, complete with Kalfie playing pass the parcel with their son.
Jack is about to go and tell the registrar it's over but Sharon points out even if they're not true love, they should just settle. Then goes on to tell a pack of lies about how they get on, look after each other and all the other thing she hasn't even come CLOSE to doing.
Phil is nursing a glass of orange juice in the Vic while Shirley taunts him with wedding music...
Then Sharon has a strop because Jack is still calling it off, going so far as to insist he can't take his daughter home because he isn't leaving until she says he can... marry her? It's a miracle he didn't dissect her!
Count Moonula lets slip of Ronnie's imminent release to Saint Alfie... ruhroh!
The fashion nightmare that is Sharon addresses everyone and tells them the wedding is off, which confuses her freakish Kinderegg son. Mad Jean bursts in with platters of food and before Jacknocchio can dismiss her, Sharon insists that they're going to have a party! In the kind of way that suggests sharp objects should be locked up.
Ian and Denise romance. It seems as if everyone on the Square is disgusted by this tryst.
Tanya takes some time out from just standing around to express one word of concern for her part-time alcoholic of a daughter. Wouldn't it be better to say that to your daughter than your ex-husband?
It turns out Alfie went to give Kat an earful about not telling him about Ronnie... And he's putting an end to their game of pass the parcel! Then to show what kind of woman she is, Kat tries to put all the blame on Poxy. You're a real class act.
The increasingly terrifying looking Sharon is acting even crazier than a professional Miss Piggy impersonator should... oh and Denise catches the bouquet.
King Phil finally finds out about the wedding going horribly wrong!
For some reason, Lauren is being sick out in the alley... which prompts The Lips to demand that Max reveal her pregnancy, Max naturally delays but she threatens to go in and tell Tanya herself... but Max can't do that as Sharon's crazy begins warranting a K and with that, Jack decides to scarper - which causes little Kinderegg boy to get all upset. Everyone else looks on at the car crash.
King Phil doesn't seem to take any solace in seeing Jack leaving the wedding unmarried - as it was Jack that called it off.
Saint Alfie has a bit of a cry about Tommy's abduction. Seriously, the baby swap debacle was awful. The less said about that disaster the better. Let's hope we won't have to have it haunt us any longer.
Max and Tanya seem pretty unconcerned about their daughter's rampant alcoholism.
Sharon hits rock bottom when Jean, channelling her village idiot persona, attempts to console her. That's the kind of low you don't bounce back from. She then stands in the club and switches all the lights off. DUN DUN DUN!
Max hasn't told Tanya that The Lips is preggers. DUN DUN DUN! Then he says it's not the right time! DUN DUN DUN! Finally he tells her it's time to get an abortion. Oh, well... that's an anti-climax.
And just in case you didn't realise Sharon was a shallow, hypocritical whore... she ends up going to see Phil for the DOOF DOOF.
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