Thursday 30th May 2013

Lauren is the butt of Tanya and Abi's joke as they tease her for laundering, then she heads out and Cora accuses her of thieving her money. Cora tries to play coy.

Sensing a Phil plot imminent, Shirley lurks near the gardens as Deni plays within, shouting to Phil.

Pointless Poppy and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur are still intent on supporting Dot's attempt to become church warden. The heart pounding action doesn't let up!

Shirley gives Phil a hard time about Deni and tells him he needs to put Sharon straight... why? He made it pretty clear, several times.

Tanya doesn't believe that Lauren could steal from Cora! She really is slow.

Max has bought something for the nursery - for the non-existent baby. Awkward!

King Phil turns up to the Arches in a bad mood and takes it out on the feckless cretins that work there... well, they had the audacity to lie to him. Three jobs in a morning? The Arches is lucky to get that a MONTH. Hell, a YEAR. That would be like Max swaggering into the Vic telling everyone he'd sold five cars.

More pointless Dot drama!

King Phil is being stroppy with Janine at the club - funny, it seemed like they'd both forgotten it existed - before Sharon turns up. Phil asks after Dennis and plays nice... one of his characteristic changes of heart, eh?

Lauren has apparently thrown up on her clothes and not noticed! Anyway, she confides in Abi she thieved from Cora to buy booze.

Turns out Lola isn't sleeping because she's trying to raise Lexi herself.

Even more pointless Dot drama!

Sharon seems to think King Phil is the best thing since sliced bread when it comes to raising kids - presumably due to him still being in mother goose mode. Then she tries to put the moves on him. Then has the audacity to say that she was just there for her son before stropping off. Sure you were, you lying whore.

Abi apparently thinks that being in a romantic relationship means that you can demand money from your partner... Classy. Oh and then from Dexter Fletcher. Stay classy.

For reasons beyond the ken of mortal man, Phil is considering calling Sharon but then Lexi to the rescue as Lola drops her off.

Tanya confronts Lauren about her thieving but as she's an idiot, makes a right hash of things and she strops off just as Max comes in and the worst thing she could possibly do is tell Lauren's father about this problem. GENIUS! Then she goes off for a drink but isn't served at the Vic and gets herself in a tizz. Fortunately a big glass of water is on hand to comfort her.

Oh, wait - it's Joey. Evil Lucy - somehow KNOWING this is happening despite being inside the caff, comes out and tells Joey to help her with the bins, which he does... and this results in Lauren giving evil Lucy one of those indecisive slap/punches that women seem to do in Walford, which knocks her to the ground... and then she starts wielding a sugar shaker as if it's a grenade and whoops, it went through the cafffffffffffffffffff's window AND SHE HASN'T EVEN HAD A DRINK!