Thursday 16th May 2013

Ava looks at Dexter Fletcher's dad for a bit as he stands on the doorstep and tells him to wait there.

SS Officer Joyless of ZE SOCIAL (who will just stop by your house any old time unannounced, especially outside of office hours - oh, the realism) is just dropping something off... which you'd think she could do in her dozen or so visits a week but no, apparently this had to be done RIGHT NOW. Sharon invites her to stay for dinner... which SS Officer Joyless accepts.

Ava lures Dexter Fletcher away by sending him to the shops and he mistakes her apprehension over his father being outside for concern over the date with Billy Idiot. The deadbeat dad then sees Dexter leaving before Ava beckons him inside.

In another awkward and unnecessary date scenario - Carol and Masood are being awkward! Again. This must be where Tamwar gets it from.

Ian's home version of Masterchef continues... the BBC really are getting desperate, it really has been all downhill since Lloyd Grossman stopped presenting and this is about as low as the format can get - the Square's madwoman trying to make something as Ian harrangs her. How exactly is this a good way to ascertain her suitability for the role of sous chef?

Dexter Fletcher's dad is - as it turns out - a deadbeat, having walked out after uttering the classic line "I'm just going to get some milk." Ava's tirade is interrupted by the doorbell ringing and Billy Idiot at the door and apparently someone has turned the sun off - Walford is too poor for a dimmer switch. Ava gets rid of Billy but has to massage his ego.

If you thought the Mitchell family dinner was unbearable before, now they've added in SS Officer Joyless of ZE SOCIAL to the mix and that makes a pot noodle seem appealing by comparison... but here comes Shirley - as ever, attracted to any Phil related plot - to intrude.

Deadbeat Dad had his OWN father die and now he's here so Dexter gets to know him. Which allows Ava to exposit via DRAMATIC SHOUTING! Emotions can only really be conveyed via shouting.

For reasons unexplained, Phil has let Shirley into his house and then (presumably because she's high) Sharon invites her to stay. Just when you thought this dinner couldn't get anymore unintentionally farcical... they go and up the stakes!

Carol and Masood turn up to the Vic - remember when Masood didn't even like the idea of going in there? The Crayon Crew certainly don't! - and are castigated by Bianca and AJ for ruining their plan.

SS Officer Joyless clearly wants to leave but Sharon is apparently on the Moon and she does everything but hold her down and force food into the poor woman. Shirley then begins to chime in, talking about how Poxy had said the relationship between Sharon and Phil would only last for two months... If that's two months before the police were to find Sharon's dismembered corpse, then that would probably be about right.

Ava decides the reasonable thing to do is not let Dexter decide about seeing his own father and some more DRAMATIC SHOUTING from Ava, Deadbeat Dad is on his way but dohoho, meets Dexter on the way out, leading to a predictable "Who are you?"

Ian's Masterchef continues as Evil Lucy and Bobby New Face appear as taste testers to further fluster Jean.

Carol and Masood... MORE AWKWARD!

Mitchell's dinner - MORE AWKWARD! Wow, this is starting to feel a cringe comedy sans comedy. Shirley goes to town on Sharon and seemingly knows something is amiss because she asks what she's hiding. Then they tell Shirley to leave - funny, that would have been the second best thing there was to do... the first would have been NOT LETTING HER IN.

Deadbeat Dad starts telling Dexter Fletcher some tales from yesteryear, much to Ava's chagrin.

Sharon tries to convince Lola that she isn't on the pills but she remains somewhat unconvinced but they still have a hug.

Jean snaps at Beales and kicks them out of the kitchen.

Phil toasts Sharon's hosting of the dinner. Yawn.

Masood and Carol kiss at the end of the date and it looks like someone is getting lucky.

Dexter Fletcher thinks his mother should hook up with his dad but Ava chases after him and says there won't be a next time!

Jean gets the job - how exciting!

Oh and Sharon is still on the pills... was that supposed to be a surprise? Night following day is more surprising.