Thursday 2nd May 2013

If you hadn't gotten the hint yet... JANINE IS A BAD MOTHER!

Apparently Count Moonula didn't leave. That's a shame. No, he's sleeping on a sofa.

It's Billy Idiot's birthday... who cares.

Sharon is back on the pills... really, it would make more sense to Phil go back on the crack given that he's in a relationship with Sharon.

Cora wants to get Dexter Fletcher but Ava isn't too happy. Oh dear.

Kat and Bianca are in the blame allocation stage and having to deal with repercussions - they're now considering some insincere words of apology. Oh and Kat is all sympathetic toward Michael about getting kicked out and losing his child but he's "moving on".

Masood and Carol are going out for a drink - LOVE IS IN THE AIR! Oh and Tamwar is still on his case about this. Arfuuuuuuuuuuur seems to think that this is because he's pining for a Walford hottie. That's a

As it's Billy Idiot's birthday, what better way to illustrate that Janine is a bad mother than having her unload her child on him.

Shirley has re-emerged to tell Sharon that her relationship with Phil is DOOOOOOOOOOMED! It's Walford, that's like saying it's probably going to rain in the next few months. This shocking revelation has Sharon popping more pills...

For someone who has worked on the market for years, Lister seems almost utterly incapable of dealing with people... which seems strange as you'd think interpersonal relationships were pretty much the bread and butter of his job and that even with no innate ability, you'd eventually pick it up from experience but he is part of the EVIL council and so has to be either a mean spirited jobsworth or an emotionless pencil pusher... or just sadistic and mad with power because no official in the entire history of Walford has been anything other than a scumbag, when you get down to it. Surprisingly though, Kat puts the blame firmly on Lister.

Billy Idiot is trying to impress Ava but she's indifferent and then to show that he's the bottom of the heap the barely sentient meatbags Arfuuuuuuur and Tyler make fun of him.

Count Moonula is kicking Ray and his troubled teens out of the gym. The troubled teens we've not seen or heard of for months. Makes it hard to care.

Shirley makes some more fun because of Sharon and Phil - long make it continue - and then Count Moonula joins in! All very amusing.

Jay returns to find that Billy Idiot's plan to win the affections of Ava involves getting Dexter Fletcher onside by giving him work to help him win the bet with Jay (making that subplot even MORE thrilling, if that's possible) but wastes no time telling him the reasons, which upsets him and he tells Billy that his mother is too good for a loser like him... Truer words were ne'er spoken.

After this latest humiliation, Billy goes for a bit of a sulk but Lola is on hand with about three words to totally turn around his attitude. He's going to show this Square he's a man to be reckoned with!

In a plot twist for the ages, there is going to be a surprise party for the birthday boy... how unsurprising.

Oh and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuur and Pointless Poppy have decided that they need to help Tamwar find love. How original! Because only people in relationships can lead fulfilling and meaningful lives!

Billy Idiot walks in, talking about how he's washing his hands of everyone because they forgot his birthday - you're lucky they don't forget your name - JUST as he walks into the Vic, which is full of people ready to wish him well. Janine tries to curry favour with the proles by buying drinks - meanwhile Sharon rushes off, having JUST arrived.

Dexter Fletcher manages to get a concession out of his mother - he'll give Billy Idiot a chance, if she does the same with Cora.

Lola asks if she can go and tuck Lexi in, while we see Sharon rushing home and jonesing for a fix... and then running upstairs.

Ava arrives at the Vic to give Billy Idiot a peck on the cheek. Bleugh.

We end on possibly one of the most heart warming scenes in recent memory though, Lexi discovering the unconscious body (it's simply too much to hope for her to bed dead) of Sharon. Bliss.