Thursday 9th May 2013

Poxy faces down incredibly stereotypically Polish builder and apparently the one lonely braincell in her empty head finally fires and she closes the safe. POLISH MAN (with the incredible powers of being stereotypically Polish) tells her that wasn't very clever... well, this is Poxy we're talking about - a woman that drove around with thousands of pounds in cash in the boot of her car stuffed into carrier bags because the concept of ATMs and credit cards or debit cards is apparently far beyond her limited ability to comprehend.

JANINE IS A BAD MOTHER! Part thirty one of a bajillionty.

Kat is doing her good deed by checking on Poxy but Poxy is too stupid to use the opportunity to call for help.

Misery Guts Carol has called off her date with Masood - yawn and then Janine turns up, just walking into the flat with her baby and demanding she be looked after because SHE'S A BAD MOTHER. Oh and Bianca lambasts her for just walking in without ringing the bell... perhaps you should try LOCKING THE DOOR THEN!

Polish Man threatens Poxy some more and then Kat walks in and he takes Poxy hostage. Fortunately, Kat is a trained hostage negotiator and when the mute Amy walks in, situation defused.

Janine tries to push Scarlet off on Billy Idiot - there's a true sign of desperation.

Half-Day Alice is going to go on a date with... Let's spin the WHEEL! OF! WALFORD! And it's landed on... the only other single youffffffffffffffff character, the perpetually constipated Tamwar.

Misery Guts Carol is having a crisis of confidence. This is getting more tedious by the minute.

Kat and Poxy bond over post-traumatic stress.

Count Moonula stops by to see the bad mother of the year. Actually, that's unfair - Sharon is probably far worse.

Lauren turns up, all dolled up but Evil Lucy is... well, evil. Which immediately pushes Lauren back to the bottle.

Half-Day Alice and Tamwar have a date which could curdle milk. It gets worse when Masood and Ajay walk in and then Bianca and the long lost Tiffany try to get her back to the house.

Janine is a bad mother etc. etc. Count Moonula exposits on the difficulty of child raising.

Alcoholic Lauren is again plastered after a whopping one drink and bemoans losing the human glass of water Joey to Tyler Moon.

Misery Guts Carol and Masood get together for their date finally.

Arfuuuuuuuuuuur suggests putting Tamwar and Half-Day Alice out of their misery. If only they would. Permanently.

Janine being a terrible person despite Count Moonula being eminently reasonable.

Poxy suspects Kat's good Samaritan act is all part of a coy plan to wheedle her way back into Saint Alfie's affections. Needless to say, Kat is not best pleased at having her help thrown back in her face and strops off but then, she seems to be indicating she has some standing as regarding spousal fidelity. That's a joke!

Lauren desperately tries to attract Joey's attention by kissing Tyler... Joey's reaction is to be a big ol' glass of water.

Count Moonula and Kat cosy up because apparently Kat is very upset at the fact people think she's a slag... she should really have made her peace with that by now! Janine seeing an innocent hug between the two - through a conveniently open curtain - takes this as a sign that Michael doesn't like his baby. DUN DUN DUN! It's not as if she has been antagonist toward him since she returned or anything.