Carol is reacting surprisingly blasé to Liam having his collar felt... Bianca is still fuming but doesn't bother telling him that continuing his truanting will send her back to jail. Ray - having remembered Morgan is his son and that he moved to Walford exclusively for the purposes of actually SEEING him - is on hand to give Liam a talking to. Man-to-man! One "you're not my father" later and they're done.
Kat remarks in response to Liam acting up that with all the stuff Tommi has been through, he'll probably be a nightmare... if Kat is saying that, one can only imagine they'll have to nuke Walford from orbit... although, that's probably a desirable course of action right now anyway.
Somehow Bianca secures better stock but these good fortunes are predictably ruined when she receives a phonecall about Liam truanting. This prompts Shirley to describe her attempts to find her son and address this issue as something that would put her in the running for mother of the year... Without a hint of irony. OK, Shirley prefaced this by saying she wasn't the best mother in the world but seriously?
Anyway, Bianca has to explain she could lose the kids and go back to prison if this tomfoolery continues. Cue tearful breakdown... but quite why having your children in care (shh, is that the jack boots of ZE SOCIAL?!) is the only reason you can be angry that they're truanting is beyond comprehension... Do the Crayon Crew really have such a dim view of the working classes? What a silly question - OF COURSE THEY DO! The patronising middle class contempt oozes forth in every poorly formed sentence and chicken nugget.
Bianca is apparently suffering PTSD from her time in jail. Anything that would make you long to be back in Walford must be a cruel and unusual punishment... Liam reappears and does a very teenage "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!" moan to Shirley, who tells him to go home and be nice to his mother.
Carol tells Bianca that running a business takes a lot of time... this is only just NOW coming up? Wow. Apparently she made Liam some lasagne - with baked beans in it... and that's a reason for them to have a heart-to-heart and reconcile... for all of five seconds before Liam suddenly turns spiteful, saying he earns more than Bianca (he probably does) and generally being defiant. So he walks off and Bianca looks about ready to pummel him when Carol walks in.
Tamwar is practising for an interview to become a market inspector. Exciting.
Tamwar then goes on to tell Twitney that this makes it feel as if his life is over before it has even begun... so, not the fact your infeasibly attractive wife left you and the odds of you getting another willing female of a similar age and comparable looks are about the same as being given a winning lottery ticket by Elvis, in a flying double decker bus flown by Lord Lucan then? That seems slightly worse than sweeping the streets, really... and what happened to the stall on the market?
And he got the job... he's about as excited as someone that has been diagnosed with rickets.
Kim's curtains are drooping... but for no adequately explained reason, Joey comes in and is bribed into fixing them but he's called away by work of all things... Who knew barmen were on call? During this, Jay and the ever grizzled Shirley are making humourous asides at Kim's expense... yes, antagonise someone who is putting you up for free - that'll work out REAAAL well for you.
Abi is stressing because her entire family is a car crash, fortunately Jay is on hand to offer reassurance. It's a tender and sweet moment that really feels out of place in the perpetually nightmarish, poorly written miasma of misanthropy. Fortunately, to snap us back to what passes for reality in Walford, Abi returns to find Lauren drunkenly dancing around in her jammies.
Lauren... in a moment of drunken clarity remarks that they've got things pretty good compared to some of her (unseen and unmentioned) friends who can't even remember the names of their biological parents and that Tanya will return... presumably when Max, Kirstie et al are playing happy families and she can walk in and look shocked.
For some reason Arfuuuuuuuuuur has been getting worried about Patrick lifting boxes of crisps and chairs... yes, he's getting on a bit but he's not exactly at Death's door yet. He's not even at the gate to the pathway to Death's door... probably just walking onto the street Death's house is on.
Upon returning to the B&B, Kim apologies for being a cow and gives him some rum... and so, despite having practically dragged him back in the house to fix it that morning, now Kim tells him to just leave it. Which immediately means that Patrick has to prove that he's not passed it yet and predictably leads to him having a bit of a tumble.
Joey flirts with some new lady and then goes to talk to Sharon... and she's about as agreeable as a box full of angry wasps... Jack really is a lucky man! In fact, Sharon is being such an insufferable bitch that she threatens Joey with the fire despite it being abundantly clear that he's trying to tell her something. This something turns out to be that the new lady is a wedding planner - apparently R&R is the perfect venue... that the wedding planner wants ON VALENTINE'S DAY... with a whole two days notice. Sharon even point out there isn't enough time to plan (since when has that ever mattered? Theme night are traditionally thought up in the late afternoon of the same day they occur) but apparently all they need to do is keep the drink flowing... This cheers Dragron up no end.
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