Tamwar is but one of many idiots and so Bianca moving her stall 13cm will validate Western liberal democracy... It's nice to see the Crayon Crew taking time out of their busy schedule of subtle and nuanced vitriolic hatred of just about everyone and everything to do with the working class and the government to take a slightly more light hearted approach... and then it's Masood and Carol's budding romance. Bianca seems amazed at the prospect of her joyless mother being capable of feeling any kind of emotion outside of misery... she's not the only one.
Saint Alfie is worrying about Kat, what better way to express concern than to play pass the parcel with your son? Oh, right - he isn't actually your son! While it would be asinine to suggest that one needs to be a biological parent to qualify for the moniker of father, in the eyes of the law these things are rather less nuanced... will the Crayon Crew be able to realise that? It seems unlikely.
Meanwhile, Kat is awoken by Count Moonula staring at her... not how most people would like to wake up. If your dinner doesn't try and leap from your stomach onto the floor at the sight of Kat covered only by a duvet - you'll only be able to claim a cast iron constituency if it remains contained after the details of Kat faking (or not) are covered... If you failed, reconciliatory drink and if you succeeded celebratory drink... a drink is necessary after that.
Count Moonula goes on to explain how Kat is a drama queen and that if one is as stupid and brain dead as walking lobotomy advert Kim, she'd be happier... What he's trying to achieve here... who knows but he walks off when his long forgotten baby starts to cry.
Romance being the theme of the evening - far more so than a week ago when it was Valentine's Day - we then get to see the glass of water disguised as a human known only as Joey. Who threatens to pull Lauren out of bed, so she can get to work on an essay. Joey asks if he can help but it's about feminism and Joey is but a glass of water.
Saint Alfie is still brooding, brooding away as Jean tells him that she's taking Tommy to feed the ducks and this is when Poxy overhears him apologising for last night because as we know, while Joey may be a glass of water, Saint Alfie is an invertebrate.
Cora reappears from whatever pocket dimension she has disappeared to and has found... A BILL! At this point, Cora points out that it's Max's house... and also, there are bills to pay. Why exactly wouldn't Max just move in with Kirstie and tell the others if they don't like it, they can get out? It would be worth noting that as Tanya and he weren't married, she'd have no claim to the house... unless we're going to be faced with another risible squatting storyline. Anyway, those bills need paid!
Fortuitously, Abi runs into Kirstie on her way to post a letter at the B&B... she doesn't want to talk to her father though - so he scuttles off to the car lot. When Kirstie aka The Lips returns, "hilariously" her skirt is tucked into her pants... and Abi can barely wait to get out of there but then, it's not really obvious why Kirstie couldn't have told Abi that she wanted to come and have a chat later as it took her longer to change than it did to say that. Idiocy seems like a good guess.
Count Moonula points out to Kat that she and Alfie have a mutually detrimental co-dependent relationship and that their current situation is such that they could use it to get over this destructive addiction they have to one another. This just leaves Kat looking baffled though.
Elsewhere, Saint Alfie has to go and see Kat despite the fact Poxy is clearly upset about this AND the fact that Alfie KEEPS doing this to her, despite the fact it clearly feeds her paranoia and insecurity... because he can only truly be Saint Alfie when he's in love with Kat. So, Alfie goes looking for Kat but she's not at Derek's house... Joey suggests that she could be at a friends house... she has no friends, Alfie says casually. As one would.
Count Moonula spies the roving Alfie in the Square, able to immediately discern that he has gone looking for Kat. Which prompts his third pep talk of the episode, which Kat even says is pointless but then King Phil summons Count Moonula to the cafffffffff. Which is where Alfie goes, only to be accosted by King Phil, bemoaning all the forms he has to fill out for adoption... so much for the light hearted approach to vitriolic hatred! After all, it's not as if we'd want to be rigorous in who we let vulnerable children live with, is it?
The Count appears, apologising for his tardiness. He wants to go ahead with operation dodgy money but Phil has had one of his characteristic changes of heart... don't worry, Count Moonula - he'll change his mind again, just you wait! Enraged at being asked for a favour, King Phil storms off... hopefully he'll be careful, lest he destroy the door on the way out.
Kat returns home to collapse in front of Lauren and then decides to unload on her about her imminent divorce, which leads to Lauren rather awkardly going "That's terrible but I've got an easy to write... ON FEMINISM!", to whit the barely basted barmaid bellows "WOTS DAT DEN?!" and then plucky young Lauren explains all the boons that feminism has had for Kat... although amusingly, few of them seem to have benefited her to any discernible degree and it's easier to see Kat prospering in some eighteenth century whore house where her inability to have meaningful relationships would be advantageous. Kat rounds this navel gazing off by effectively saying, she has no responsibilities for her own actions.
Inexplicably, Lauren doesn't slap her and tell her that those are the words of a liar and a coward but tells her she has to "fight" and apparently this vague and nebulous advice, coupled with some Saint Alfie trash talk has told Kat what she needs to do... at which point three skin headed neo-feminists burst through the windows with flamethrowers and burn the two to death. Or not. Sadly not.
Lauren doesn't hang around as she has to go and have a chit-chat with her father, The Lips and Abi... Cora doesn't want to hang around though and after a little verbal riposte scarpers... let's hope she disappears for another few weeks.
Walford's favourite slapper, now imbued with knowledge of feminism that could be written on the back of a postage stamp goes to the Vic to continue playing pass the parcel with Tommy and there's predictable frission between her and Poxy... but then, everything in this show is predictable so what else is new? Saint Alfie is very jovial about the whole thing, even when Kat admits to sleeping with Count Moonula.
Back at the Brannings, it turns out that the funniest thing in the whole world that can bring a whole family together is the story of The Lip's skirt getting caught in her knickers and her not noticing while Abi did! And unified in a singular moment of communal joy and togetherness, who should walk in unannounced but Tanya! It might have been more surprising if they all laughed and then stopped and nothing had happened and they all started to freak out.
Oh and the "blossoming" romance between Masood and Carol continues but it's so tedious it's not worth mentioning except for the revelation that GEORDIE RACER HAS RETURNED!
No comments:
Post a Comment