Saint Alfie is pining for Kat, which is why Poxy walks in to talk about their pending divorce. Which Jean has now found out about. Jean breaks down crying as Alfie explains. It seems as if Kat and Alfie are playing pass the parcel with their child, he changes hands between the two of them on seemingly an hourly basis.
Poxy goes off to sulk on the swings and gets advice from Count Moonula... and spills about the divorce. Which means he goes to act strangely around Kat but as Bianca says sagaciously, "He is weird."
Alfie drags his heels some more on the divorce and really, it's not that surprising that but his recalcitrance is mistaken for amorous intent by the cackling duo of Bianca and Kat... so then we have Kat getting dolled up while Saint Alfie runs through his Wallace & Gromit impression.
The meeting of the "minds" occurs and Saint Alfie blubs his way through the divorce talk. Yawn. Alfie's talk is so long and meandering that Kat clocks what he's talking about. Kat does her brave face but then goes from acceptance to pleading for a second chance. If you could smell the desperation coming off her at this point, you'd be cutting your nose off for practical reasons and not spite.
To make matters worse, she realises that Jean, Poxy and Count Moonula all knew about this - which prompts a mini-shouty scene... Alfie takes her to one side and gives a genuinely laugh worthy line when he says (straight faced) "I thought we could do this with some dignity." Oh, Alfie - you are quite the card.
Phil returns to the Arches to start twirling his moustache. First (and most remarkably) going to the Arches and noticing the dearth of workers... it's not as if one MOT a decade needs THREE people full time! Lola appears and discovers that Phil was back on Friday! Phil pantos it up some more by forcing Lola to wait until the afternoon to see her own daughter.
ZE SOCIAL has returned and shockingly has something nice to say about Lola... that's certainly different. Ah, bad news for Don Mitchelloni as despite the whole spurious reason for the jackbooted thugs of the SS to pull a baby from her mother's arms having been the lack of someone to look after Lexi, the nebulous and never fully explained reasons for her being in care and now in her (alleged) grandfather's custody are apparently close to being resolved by her working at the saloon and "being positive"... The stupidity of the Crayon Crew truly is bottomless.
Phil rushes to the Vic - as he KNEW Sharon would be there - and talks to her about this new development, making it painfully obvious that he forgot his top hat and cape... What makes the scene unintentionally hilarious is the fact that Sharon seems surprised that master manipulator Phil is displeased at this turn of events, when he was willing to LIE AND COMMIT FRAUD to get this baby into his custody... Not only that but his ulterior motives have been PAINFULLY obvious at every step of the way.
Patrick is still being stubborn and has said he's going to stay with his son... for some reason Denise seems shocked... Patrick hasn't seen his son in YEARS and apparently hasn't met his daughter-in-law OR their grandchildren! Surely the opportunity to spend time with grandchildren is one of the things most people cherish about getting old?
Denise goes home to moan about this monumental injustice and Dot is apparently aware that going all the way to Scotland is like travelling to the far side of the universe. Quite why a real person would have such problems with someone going to see their son is beyond comprehension though. Or perhaps Dot just has a jaundiced view given her own progeny's proclivity for deception and trying to kill her?
Dot finally just tells everyone and all is right with the world... not going to see your son and grandkids then. Yay?
Twitney is working with the long lost Ava... wait, if she's supposed to be at Walford primary, why is she doing a playgroup at the community centre? BAD WRITING! Twitney has to deal with some PROBLEM YOUFFFFF, fortunately Ava is on hand to save the day.
Hilarity then (doesn't) ensue as Dexter hears Twitney talk about his mother in less than enamoured tones and some further signs that the Crayon Crew have at least some notion of how laughable their writing is (but not in a good way) with references to Tyler spending most of his time in the Vic, rather than on the stall and Phil being an "evil boss".
Twitney returns to the bar, sees Ava... then turns her back on her and mentions how she got her name wrong - only to THEN realise that Ava is right behind her. Twitney is a name well earned. Then they find out Dexter Fletcher is long lost Ava's son and Ava says Twitney did a good job. Just so long as it's over.
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