Having returned to find Lauren and Joey in a tryst, Dot is cleaning obsessively. She's a little shocked to meet Pointless Poppy - who is now living in her house - and also to see Arfuuuuuuuuuuur come visiting Pointless Poppy! She's not best pleased, apparently because Pointless Poppy has Arfuuuuuuuuuuur promise that he'll teach her how to placate her.
Dot has also decided she is now going to help the entire family and what better way to achieve that than ANOTHER gathering of the extended Branning clan, in the Vic no less... Oh and she isn't aware that Joey is Lauren's cousin... Ruhroh! For some reason, this leads to Lauren being forced to enrol in college.
Apparently even Max is irritated by the massive extent of the Branning clan and inexplicably Tanya is very insistent that he pay for everyone's drinks... there's absolutely NO explanation as to why. Hasn't he been complaining about being hard up for cash for months? Or now that he's not handing money to the Hogfather, is he a moneybags all of a sudden?
After the shocking revelation that Cora has taken her job at the laundrette the dinner (and yes, apparently the Vic does dinners for the five thousand now - which is odd as Ray was just mincing around outside instead of going crazy in the kitchen) gets under way with Jacknocchio saying welcome back to Dot.
With a little oh-so predictable tension betwixt Tanya (who decided to have the dinner in the Vic) and Kirstie - Dot actually straight out asks Max if he's having another affair... oh, she's got your number Scotch Egg. Then Kirstie drops the bombshell that Max IS having an affair but it's with Tanya! DOHOHOHO! What a nice introduction to your daughter-in-law!
In fact, this dinner scene with Dot feels a lot like when ol' Misery Guts Carol rolled back onto the Square and had a gigantic amount of exposition heaped atop her... The worst thing is, this is a soap opera... most people watching it KNOW ALL THIS STUFF. The fact we get Tiff summing up the entire thing in five seconds just about sums up the level of writing the show has though.
Icing on the cake - Joey walking in and Dot spilling the beans about him and Lauren. Then she walks off. Speaking of cakes, Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuur and Pointless Poppy tried (unsuccessfully, of course - and seriously this is one gigantic mutant failure cake) to make a Battenberg. Enough to move Dot to tears and ensure Poppy is staying here and then spin around and tell Cora to gerrrr outra her 'ouse! Easy, Dot! You'll give yourself emotional whiplash if you're not careful.
Geordie Racer and Masood are trying for the gold medal in awkward. Then there's a thrilling discussion of love between Denise and Zainab for Geordie Racer's benefit... yawn. Needless to say, Denise having married an abusive drunk (who tried to kill her) and a superhuman serial killer (who kidnapped her and was PROBABLY going to kill her) - she's a little cynical about love.
Still trying for that gold medal, Geordie Racer asks about pursuing the arranged marriage with Rasheed but the only thing she has taken away from the earlier discussion with Denise and Zainab was to look for hidden meanings and Masood said "do what makes you happy". Oh dear, oh dear.
Ray continues his flirting with Kirstie when Kim comes around but he's not interested in being "friends"... but then, it's pretty obvious that Kim is just desperate. Ray is so upset he talks to Denise... yes, she's sure to be sympathetic to your plight! Ray apparently likes Kirstie enough to ask Max's permission to pursue her and Denise tries to tell her brain dead sister that Ray isn't interested. Even she is able to put two and two together when she walks into the Vic and sees Kirstie and Ray making googly eyes at one another.
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