Abi is stressing about her exams... why? It's not as if we've seen her go to school in the past five years... perhaps she's been teaching herself... But it seems to be Eastenders tradition to make sure that GCSEs are portrayed as super special mega important life ending exams if you don't get a bajillionty A*s... when really the only thing they're good for is showing you've sufficient aptitude to do the A-level in the subject.
Tanya shoos Abi off to work and Lauren is clearly feeling inadequate... but that should hardly be surprising given that she's a drunken ne'er do well whose greatest achievement to date is sleeping with her cousin, so what better way to build self-confidence than working at the salon! Where she demonstrates palpable joy at being able to book people in for appointments - sufficient that she barely notices Joey... although, it's surprising more people don't have that (lack) of reaction to him.
Later, when Lauren is inexplicably left alone in the salon, she finds a letter from the hospital. DUN DUN DUN! Obviously, being aware that it's a huge breach of confidence to look at someone else's letter - she of course thinks better of it and puts it back where she found it. NO! Of course not. Which means she is sitting in wait for her mother when she returns.
Tanya assures her that it was just a chat with her old nurse - nurses are well known for organising these informal chats via post using official NHS stationary but Lauren's incredible new appointment booking skills have allowed her to deduce that she was giving Poxy a pedicure when she should have been at the hospital! When her mother refuses to be drawn, Lauren strops off.
Kat is looking rougher than ever as she peers at her name above the door of the Vic. Poxy is spying on her from the window and Bianca (because Kat and Bianca apparently decided to become Walford's newest cleaning company last week) says she's ready to assault their employer if she says anything... exactly the right attitude for a mother just out of jail.
In a scene that will be of no significance later, Kat removes her rings while cleaning and places them down on a counter in the kitchen before Saint Alfie enters. They have some jovial banter before Poxy comes in to lightly spray bile on her. Which she repeats later on for good measure! Kat's not the kind of slapper to take that laying down (DOHOHOHO!) and she quits/is fired...
Bianca turns up at Kat's current domicile, not at all fussed by being fired and it being entirely down to Kat. In fact, she's quite happy apparently. Sufficiently happy that she thieved a bottle of wine... but that's OK because "finders keepers"... It's surprising Bianca didn't go for the bar exam with that kind of finely honed legal mind.
Awkwardness continues in the Masood house as Zainab mistakenly thinks AJ is after Geordie Racer, while Masood hasn't a clue what to do around her. He gently tries to suggest to Zainab that Geordie Racer might not be her crush but she won't take a telling. Until he later suggests that trying to keep them apart would make them like Romeo & Juliet, which somehow works... maybe Zainab has a weakness for The Bard?
Which gives Masood the opportunity to have an even more awkward conversation with Geordie Racer about her game of footsie. Apparently he was actually under the misapprehension she was infatuated with AJ... oh. Masood spends a long time telling Geordie Racer her it's just a crush and it's all because her dad died. That's not patronising.
So, Masood can't bring himself to tell Zainab that Geordie Racer fancies him and instead blurts out it's Ray (because he just walked in the shop when he was trying to tell her)... Will comedy ensue? Don't hold your breath because here comes Ray, returning expired milk and oh, looks like Masood has been rumbled! Everyone except Masood is still baffled by what happened but Zainab gets Geordie Racer alone to impart some word of wisdom - don't leave letters around the place because people will read them.
Masood following soap logic 101, decides the best place to have a discussion about Geordie Racer's inappropriate feelings toward him is right by the paper thin door of the dining room... perhaps he's aware that people's hearing in soaps is extremely variable and really just a function of the plot?
Dexter and Ava are on the Square again... because Dexter's car has chosen to break down there and Ava has a job interview to get to... This leads to Dexter and Jay fixing the car together. Phil walks in and is... well, Phil but Ava to the rescue... except this conversation somehow inexplicably leads to Phil offering Dexter a job.
Lauren and Joey are either incapable of listening to Pointless Poppy babble on or possibly Kat walking in on them earlier just means they're suffering from some sexual frustration... it must be pretty extreme as they're apparently willing to fornicate in the toilets of the Vic but PP interrupts. This apparently gives Lauren the bright idea to thieve her keys so she and Joey can use her flat for sex.
AND THEN DOROTHY WALKS IN!
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