Cora threatens Max - what a charmer - before he walks off into the night and apparently the middle of the night is a good time to check the post as Tanya finds some of his letters and throws them out... despite that being a crime.
Later Max tries to win Tanya over by threatening to shout through the letterbox a lot. With the usual incomprehensible grunts, he's able to win Tanya around sufficiently for dinner. Which even the short sighted and selfish Cora (more like Bora!) nay says but Max pulls out all the stops - even making sure he buys the wine from the Vic so he can have a brief chat with Jacknocchio... but Jacknocchio jinxes it by saying he'll be getting the flat back!
So, the Scotch Egg gets all dressed up... sadly it turns out Tanya has decided to fix her vast quantities of idiocy by fleeing Walford... yeah, that makes lots of sense! Oh and Bora looks extremely pleased with herself at this revelation - is she possessed or something?
Zainab is apparently find out who got the regional managers job today... seriously?! Decided over a weekend, eh? GRITTY REALISM! Obviously, Denise ALSO thinks she's a shoe in for the job and she and Ian have to act like awkward teens in love... the irony of which is highlighted by Kim making jokes about Denise being past it.
Apparently Zainab gets the job - despite her short term memory loss and having been an employee for all of five minutes. Often times in the real world, better suited people will lose out on these positions PURELY because someone has been working longer than they... anyway, this is apparently a reason for Masood and comedy sidekick AJ to try and fix the gate.
Which give him time to cover for Geordie Racer, who couldn't bear to properly call it off with her arranged marriage boyfriend... jeez. Hadn't she decided she was going to tell him it was over? Oh, they actually deal with that after the awkward lying on the phone scene as seen in approximately ever unfunny sitcom ever made in human history. Only to find out Zainab has gone crazy (as she apparently got the new job?) and decided to spend a grand on a water feature - which is because the Masood dreams have failed.
Oh but guess what? Zainab didn't get the job - it's almost as if there was the possibility that the job could be offered to MORE than just the two people available for the position. Oh, the hilarity.
Ian smiles sickeningly at Denise... it's amazing that the expression doesn't rip his face in half. He goes on to invite her around for dinner... can't mates just be mates? Sorry, not with the Crayon Crew in charge - you're probably thinking of a show that has actual characters, Ian... your personality is in another castle.
Sharon - looking more like she's wearing a wig than usual - is torn between her son and Phil! Or more accurately, Lexi. Apparently Lexi is her responsibility. Even Jacknocchio realises this is idiotic. Which is saying something. Oh and she has a go at Jack later... didn't she move out of his house because she got in a tizz with him trying to stop her mollycoddled freak of a son being... less of that? If the Crayon Crew don't care, why the hell should we?
Oh and it would seem that Bianca has noticed Sharon is wearing a wig as she tells her to keep her hair on... and other similarly inadvisable phrases for someone living beneath the poverty line. How does it go? Oh, it would appear that Bianca got fired! Just as well that's not a serious or stressful event in Walford.
She doesn't seem to realise that you can simultaneously protect your child too much AND not pay them enough attention. After all, if you lock your kid up in a room until they're thirty - you're keeping them safe but you probably aren't paying them a great deal of attention... you may also be taking a page out of the Eastenders/Grimm Fairytales handbook of child raising.
Lola blubbers as the ever maternal Phil gets ready to leave on his holiday. Apparently Lexi is teething though and Billy Idiot is gleeful that Phil deigns to give him his own great granddaughter for an hour. In Walford, truly idiocy is bliss... and then Lola gets emotional because she doesn't want to say goodbye. While it's understandable that a young mother would suffer separation anxiety a couple of weeks isn't long and it's not as if anyone ever grows up saying "Remember that time when I was less than a year old..."
And then off swans Phil in his Chelsea tractor.
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