Zainab finds a letter from Geordie Racer - which is rather raunchy but it doesn't mention who she likes... Firstly, why is she writing a letter. Secondly, who is she writing to? Thirdly, why doesn't she mention who it is she likes? Anyway, Zainab assumes it's Arfuuuuuuuuuur or Tamwar for some reason and gets Masood to try and find out who she likes! What if it's him?!
Apparently Masood is working flexi-time for his job as a postman. He just starts whenever and goes at his own pace - something many will likely think is rather close to the truth. Anyway, with Zainab off on her way, the wacky hijinks can ensue! First it's Tamwar and he acts about as naturally as if Geordie Racer is a three headed monkey.
She then says that Arfuuuuuur is an idiot... she is certainly one of the more intelligent additions to the Square in recent years! Masood has been wowing her with his knowledge of the Royal Mail... amusingly this is probably some of the best writing Eastenders has had in recent memory - no joke, it's amazing what copying and pasting from Wikipedia can do for the quality of this show! Oh and Masood seems to deduce that his comedy brother AJ is Geordie Racer's crush. Zainab is not best pleased.
At dinner, having apparently managed to get Zainab unspeakably aroused by telling her in no uncertain terms that he's going to sort thing out with Geordie Racer's crush on AJ - he reacts to some footsy as if it was oral sex but when Zainab leaves the table and the footsy continues... IT WAS GEORDIE RACER ALL ALONG! Yeah, who saw that coming?
Ian tells Denise she's always welcome but she has to sort this out once and for all with Kim - who is kicking Shirley out of the B&B for not paying... what a shockingly sensible move. Denise's sisterly love knows no bounds as she's apparently able to say it was all her fault and apologise unreservedly.
To show that all is not well between Ray and Kim though, he is making a sandwich for Kirstie! She is certainly a model of female empowerment, isn't she? Just another character from the Crayon Crew that feels designed to set women's rights back by a decade or two... No change there then.
When Ray rolls around to the B&B, he ends it quickly and then tells Kim it's over. Kim acts as if this is the end of the world and might as well wrap herself around Ray's leg as he sprints out the front door... Ray even tells her to try and keep it classy and walk away - you should know she hasn't a shred of class in her body, Ray!
Denise tries to console her sister but as Kim as dumber than a sack of hammers (and despite the fact Ray said it was nothing to do with Denise etc.) she rounds on her sister and wants her out of her life and out of her house... even though we established JUST the other day that it's NOT HER HOUSE. Then she goes back to the B&B to blub.
Recrimination at the Branning household over the disastrous dinner party rumble on. Cora decides it's time to snap at Abi - who reacts like a puppy that just got the rolled up newspaper. So it's no surprise that when she opens the door, it's Dexter. Who she isn't too fond of because she got the newspaper.
Just as he's about to leave, Cora catches up with him but apparently his mother possess the same mutant ability as Nightcrawler and she teleports in to have a go at him. Cora says he was just saying sorry, prompting Ava to look not very pleased but Cora looks quite happy as the two leave.
In a classic example of what psychologists would refer to as transference but is more likely just lazy writing, Abi comes up to Jay who is on his community service and has a go at him about his behaviour last night. In stark contrast to just about every single other time when this happens, when people fall silent and become like statues - this is apparently a source of great amusement to everyone and she gets a round of applause from the onlookers when she's done... the gist of what she's saying is that she's sick of getting the rolled up newspaper just because she's within arm's reach.
Everyone reacts surprised when she goes home and shouts the odds at her parents, pointing out that Max is subhuman scum who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as her mother and then she declares she's as mad as hell and she's not going to take this any more. She's grumping in her room and Oscar brings her a broach that makes her cry.
Jay apologise to Abi via flowers and everyone seems to be going out of their way to be nice to her... clearly a little assertiveness goes a long way but no doubt, come Monday this will all be forgotten and Abi shall have returned to being the timorous wee creature that we all remember.
Shirley is suffering the indignity of being trained by Liam at please-don't-sue-us-this-isn't-KFC-we-promise, when Phil swans in... clearly with a hankering for some trademarked not-KFC chicken. He asks her what she's doing there and she replies "Earning a living." Most people would probably have to do that rather more immediately.
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