In time honoured tradition, Tanya checks her husband's phone - being a serial philanderer, Max doesn't even bother to lock his phone. Despite giving Max an opportunity to come clean, he continues the lie... just as well when he's backed into a corner Max doesn't speak so much as he grunts.
Tanya is trying to make it up with Lauren - being an awful mother that is... and realises that perhaps giving her occasionally alcoholic teenage daughter a credit card was a bad idea and actually tries to bribe her... but she's just digging into Max's deception. Why is she bothering? She should know by now that if Max told her the sky was green she'd believe him after a few emphatic guttural slurs.
BFFs Sharon and Tanya decide to go all Scooby Doo on this mystery but shockingly Sharon tells Tanya to stop being such an angsty teenager and try something radical. Something drastic. Something CRAZY! Yes, she tells Tanya to talk to Max. Even more shockingly, Tanya actually seems to go along with it! Oh, wait - no she doesn't. She plays the most painfully obvious game of twenty questions at an impromptu lunch but when that's interrupted all she can do is scuttle off to moan to Sharon about her plan has failed and she would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!
But later he goes out - in the middle of January without much more than a light sweater on! Which provides a convenient excuse for Tanya to pick up his coat and find the keys to the B&B... still no word on why exactly Kirstie would have two sets of keys for her room but that doesn't matter, Tanya has now decided that snooping isn't enough - so she goes to the B&B! Predictably, Kirstie walks in on her and asks her what is she doing... a very good question!
Alfie accidentally calls for Kat... OOPS! Poxy is not best pleased and seems to be compensating by using Kat's make-up trowel and Kirstie is apparently everyone's favourite person to confide in now... Despite barely knowing her. Kirstie advises her to make Alfie forget about Kat... which Poxy takes to mean THEME NIGHTS! BY THE DOZEN! So, there's that to look forward to... in the same way one looks forward to passing a kidney stone.
As Kirstie is apparently the new Square agony aunt though, she talks to Alfie about his earlier slip and hopefully we've averted theme-nightgeddon... Alfie tells Poxy what makes them special is they don't have problems... Yes, if you ignore the fact you're still in love with AND still married to your wife and are only having a relationship with Poxy... actually, why ARE you having a relationship with her?
But he's in love with an idiot - Poxy couldn't be happier at this revelation... at least she has come to terms with her intellectual deficiency. That's generally for the best. It seems incredibly foolish for Alfie to be saying that he loves her at this point though and for someone who has just come out of a long term relationship in just about the hardest way possible, this just seems stupid and someone of Alfie's age should realise that. Hell, Poxy is an idiot and she thought this was a bad idea and what happened to Jean and the loathsome Mo talking sense about this idiocy? All forgotten, apparently.
Despite Kim's monstrous incompetence, being shut down by health inspectors due to rat infestation, a sluggish economy and it being January apparently the B&B is fully booked... it certainly does a good job of seeming empty though because Kirstie and Cora are the only guest there having breakfast.
And for reasons that are sufficiently lame that even the Crayon Crew had to have Ava explain them, she's back on the Square. What better time for Cora to ask for a place to stay with her long lost daughter, eh? Oh and guess what?! You'll never guess! Ava got a new job in Walford... goodness. Eventually, she badgers Tanya into letting her stay.
Geordie Racer's date went well! So well they're meeting again tonight! Let's hope that's not a calculated move to divert suspicion... and Masood is apparently one of those postmen that starts delivering mail around mid-afternoon. In fairness, it can sometimes seem like that!
Not being a native of Walford, Raysheed is not a complete idiot and is able to discern that Geordie Racer isn't interested in him. Which leads to Masood gently trying to dissuade her from lusting after him again and that maybe now is a bad time for her to be pursuing dreams.
It seems that Dexter and Lola have a budding romance and it's about as exciting as watching paint dry. Oh and apparently Phil doesn't approve of this... for some reason. Probably to set Lola and Dexter up as a modern inter-racial Romeo & Juliet or some such nonsense.
Oh and you remember the pathological hatred of the Crayon Crew for pretty much anyone involved in local government? It strikes again as an unsympathetic council worker comes a knocking and it turns out that Dot owes over a thousand pounds in rent arrears! Ah but there were other people living there while she was away, Dot explains! Oops, that was the wrong answer, Dot! THE EVIL COUNCIL WORKER MUST NOW DESTROY YOU!
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