Tuesday 13th August 2013

Oh, lawdy - please don't let Lauren's run (with soundtrack) become a regular feature and there she goes chasing after Joey.

Bianca is skeptical about online dating - you already had a serious relationship with a sex offender. Oh and they take the opportunity to make Tamwar more of a joke... as if that was possible but Half-Day Alice is there to give him some consolation.

Joey seems to be pretty keen on Lauren again... that seems a bit unlikely but he's still apparently worried she'll fall apart but Lauren is of a mind that the family that sleeps together, STAYS together. Dohohoho.

The salon - according to Sam - needs rewiring, a likely story but Joey is on hand to use his business brain (HAHAHAHA!) to help out because being a bartender means you're allowed to let out the club to anyone at the drop of a hat.

Count Moonula makes the bold (meaning incredibly laughable) statement that he is a man of means because he owns a business to try and... something Hollyoaks. You're co-owner of an empty warehouse, not Bill Gates.

For once, Sharon has a valid point when she castigates Joey for his rash decision but then immediately folds.

Lauren wants to hang out with Lucy (because they're BFFs again) but she's going to the club. DUN DUN DUN! But Lauren will go there anyway, great idea.

Ian walks into the Vic to see the footballer's wife wannabe talking about needing a caterer and he volunteers his services and gets pressed into a ridiculous time line to demonstrate his culinary expertise.

Lauren tells her papa about going to the club and he doesn't take much winning over because he's an idiot.

Oh dear, Ian is being demanding of Denise and unappreciative again...

Apparently, Joey was able to transform the club into a salon in mere moment. That's realistic! Then the salon owner doesn't pay Ian. Dohohoho.

Tamwar being a joke continues as he gets trapped in the portaloo by Winston of all people... Even Kat and Bianca don't seem  that amused at this point - it's just getting kind of sad.

Lauren is sitting at home. WHAT COULD HAPPEN?!

Half-Day Alice attempts to rescue Tamwar from the portaloo... how hard is that?

So, in case you hadn't worked out that the salon owner is another person who should have been drowned  at birth to save the world from the stain of suffering they would darken it with... she has a conversation in front of Denise to her caterer. Denise gives her a piece of her mind and then storms off.

Lauren is looking like a prostitute and Kirstie tells her she looks great... oh dear.

Tamwar is finally freed!

Oh dear, Lauren looks like a clown - amazingly Twitney isn't looking orange.

Denise tells Ian about his rejection by Sadie...

Everyone is being teatotal around Lauren... that's not awkward at all!

Joey finds something (possibly drugs?) at the club, just as the girls are headed there.

Ohoh, Hollyoaks is planning revenge against Moonula with Janine!

The girls are at the club but Joey is already concerned about Lauren - who is pretty much forcing drinks down her friends' throats.

Sadie apologises to Ian... who is trying to cover for her for some reason? Denise then scowls at Ian?

Lauren goes off to call her father, at which point Joey talks to Twitney and Lucy - because they then have to talk about Twitney and Joey sleeping together and sit around really awkwardly and make it obvious something is up and yes, shockingly Lauren finds out that Twitney and Joey had the sex and does the "it's OK" thing, which means it's anything but and steals a drink on the way out for good measure... and then Joey gets stopped before he can go after her (because he actually has to DO this job!)

Which is tracking down DA DRUGS! And who should be behind DA DRUGS but the mild mannered Carl? Who would have guessed? Carl is decidely less soft spoken when Joey confronts him and the usual threats are exchanged.

And... Lauren has a drink... but then spits it out... Wow, that was what? Less than a week? At least they're not drawing out her relapse... and as that means the storyline will be over sooner, that's good!