Lauren is out for a run when she sees people drinking out on the street... since when were people allowed to drink outside the Vic? And what time is it?
Max says he's looking after Lauren and is no longer interested in Kirstie - so we know that he's going to stop caring about her and is pining for Kirstie.
Lauren confides in Pointless Poppy... because they're BFFs. Yawn.
Ian tries to bribe his daughter but she sees through this immediately, so Ian resorts to grovelling... Oh and she managed to uncover Ian's account fiddling AND do an extensive report on the R&R in an afternoon? Or is it a day? It's impossible to say and clearly irrelevant. Oh and Janine promotes Lucy and is still not fond of Hollyoaks.
Kirstie tells Carl to stop stalking her. Good advice.
Sam is flirted with by the new salon owner.
Janine breaks up a picnic between her daughter and Michael... clearly she's intent on making her a neurotic shut in.
Ian heads into the kitchen, to find Jean paying no attention to her cooking and apparently oblivious to the very quiet fire alarm... Again, if fire alarms in kitchens went off when there was smoke - they'd go off constantly... and why isn't this setting off the biblical flood sprinkler system? Anyway, Ian to the rescue - except he can't turn the gas of or lift a pan (wearing gloves) without burning himself like a mong.
Even Michael picks up on the fact his every scene with Janine is groundhog day.
Ian castigates Jean but for once, she seems fairly blasé to the whole thing... and then Ian listens to her assessing his inability to keep a consistent personality and begs her not to quit (after she quit).
Cue a groundhog day scene with Michael and Janine! Yawn.
Kirstie and Lauren heart-to-heart - yawn. Wait, Max comes in to save people? When?
With an alcoholic daughter, Max decides to pour himself a drink... and it's another time for people to pretend they're on the phone! Where people pause for a second at most for questions that would take several times that long...
Janine and Michael are now on the road to recovery thanks to their daughter having a bit of a tumble.
Oh, Ian - that is NOT a flattering look for a man of your ever increasing girth... It seems Ian has told Jean all his problems and is actually hiding from Carl in the kitchen.
Lauren tells Kirstie that she owes their family, on account of destroying their family... seriously, that happens at least two or three times a year.
Ava is jealous of people flirting with Sam.
More Michael and Janine getting along - WE GET IT. The horse. Stop flogging the horse. It's dead.
Oh, Jean is talking in bad French for no good reason... and despite ruining hundreds of pounds worth of pots gets paid, all because she told Carl to leave.
Michael and Janine flog the dead horse more.
Max takes the responsible step of hiding a bottle of Scotch in the bread bin as Lauren walks in. Lauren tells Max to stop being so needy... and quite frankly, it is insufferable and a little creepy. Then Kirstie comes in with hula hoop earrings to try and reconcile and Lauren is A-OK... eh, alcoholism is something you can pretty much forget about, right? Oh, wait... no. No it isn't.
Janine wants to be a stay at home mum! And the game playing continues.
Ian's restaurant has suffered possibly the most abrupt fall off in business seen in history... he's gone from fully booked breakfast, lunch and dinner every day of the week to having to close early on a Friday night in what... two months? That is impressive. Lucy then stops by to tell him she's his boss and that not grassing him up to Janine is "kindness"... perhaps proving the descriptor "evil" is an apt one for this spiteful Satanic skeleton.
Janine asks Hollyoaks around... yawn.
Max and Kirstie have gotten back together... it's just so hard to give a damn.
Lauren is having a cry - most people would if they were getting advice from Pointless Poppy.
Hollyoaks turns up at Janine's doorstep and goodness, what a surprise - COUNT MOONULA SEES! Wow. Never seen that happen before.
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