Lola turns up to Phil's flat - where he promptly commands her to iron a shirt for their upcoming meeting... wow, that was quick. Didn't a substantial part of your application JUST radically change and yet they've not sent you back to square one? Lola begins naysaying but Phil reassures her "you've got me". The chav princess is suitably shocked and appalled at this.
She also seems to have suddenly become rather more antagonistic toward Phil. First complaining that he didn't show her the care plan and then demanding that Billy Idiot (or "pops" as she insists on calling him - seriously Lola, stop trying to make "pops" happen!) return from Blackpool or whatever wretched corner of the blasted wastes beyond the M25 he has gone to but he's "on a job".
Shirley sees Lola but apparently now her "this is all for Phil" angle is gaining more traction but that's really not plausible - oh, that's right the whole situation with Lola having her child pried from her arms by the SS officers of ZE SOCIAL is about as realistic as hot water falling up - given that Lola is the mother and hasn't really done anything bad.
Phil has set his mind to redecorating his house for some reason and for some reason Sharon is there... shouldn't she be in the club?! It's Monday night, the biggest night of the week! She clearly doesn't care though because she's off to scour the Square for Lola as the visit with SS officers of ZE SOCIAL is imminent. They really need to come up with a reason for everyone constantly having their phone off.
Oh, wait - she actually has one, she just isn't answering. That's an odd injection of realism! Anyway, she's staring wistfully at the tacky reindeer with the broken nose when Shirley finds her again... Given the time of year, who would want to loiter outside in the cold? Lola tells Shirley that while she doesn't like Phil's plan - it's the only one she has!
Don Mitchelloni is telling ZE SOCIAL a pack of lies as he waits for Lola to return while she and Shirley (having achieved a hat trick of unplanned conversations in the Square) sit on the swings, where she tells Lola what a horrible mother she was and how she wishes she could change that and that all she needs is the fighting spirit - the eye of the tiger, if you will!
Sharon has appeared at Phil's house (again) because despite the faux wedding being off, she's apparently still going to be a part of Lexi's care plan... somehow. Phil goes on to mention how he's loved parenting - what with his son he was estranged from for half his childhood, who went on to seriously beat someone with a wrench, planned an elaborate campaign of revenge against him (culminating in an attempt to get him convicted of murder) and of course, his murder and subsequent cover-up of 'Ev... oh and the daughter he has totally forgotten.
Before these thing can be mentioned, Lola rolls in. With the profound sentiment that she wants to be the best mother she can be! Deep. Apparently the Crayon Crew think that the length and breadth of questions asked by ZE SOCIAL is whether you think you'll be a good parent.
With ZE SOCIAL gone, Lola lays down some ground rules... Lexi is her daughter, apparently!
Alfie has clearly spent much of the weekend letting his hamster nearly kill itself from exhaustion as he's STILL staring at the torn off piece of the pawnbroker's slip as Jean comes up and starts nattering incessantly at him but he's so deep in thought he doesn't even notice. Roused from his pontifications, he asks Jean if she has lent Kat any money... which is ridiculous, why would she borrow money behind Alfie's back? And didn't she pawn the ring because the Vic was in financial difficulty (again) or did they just ignore that long enough for it to go away?
He appears to be in something of a state until Jean suggests Charlie lent Kat the money and suddenly, Alfie's obnoxious cheeky chappiness is returned to full strength. He and Arfuuuuuuuuuuur are working on the stall and if it wasn't for this weak storyline and the even worse Denise/Ian one, it feels as if Walford's market would have been almost completely forgotten.
Mo - showing too much skin (which is any) for her age AND the time of year - comes to do a small part to diminish hope in the world by reminding us that she's still in this wretched programme and you can hear the clunk of a plot point hitting the ground when she mentions Charlie is broke, followed by the sound of Alfie's brain starting to warm up for some heavy calculations.
He bumps into the Ginger Whinger in the caffffffff who takes the oppurtunity to moan about her inability to buy a tree or presents before sagaciously noting Alfie is uncharacteristically dour in expression. Even Skeletor makes comment on it.
The desperate Alfie goes to the pawnshop - which is conveniently just closing for a moment so the conversation doesn't require an additional set - and talks to the owner on the street, apparently unaware that pawnbrokers aren't ones to give out information on their purchases or sales to just anyone. Alfie tries to bribe the guy but feels it necessary to shout at three particularly loud children who are carolling unattended. Three kids, none of whom can be much older than ten without parental supervision? That's just totally destroyed any suspension of disbelief!
Shouting at children - and getting no answers about the ring - Alfie decides to buy something for Bianca that he describes as "as good as money". That seems random... but he's back to the Vic quick enough, making sure to hide the ring back where he found it. Kat then returns and despite propositioning Alfie, he declines. He then brings up - ever so casually - the subject of the pawn ticket... if only you'd thought to do that to begin with, eh?
Kat - being an idiot - lies and says she binned it. Alie - being an idiot- doesn't challenge her. They deserve one another.
The life sapping battle between Ian - very jocular despite his complete nervous breakdown and regression to catatonic trampoid only a few short months ago - and Denise continues. In a storyline that can only be described as dangerously boring - if your will to live is low, this may well just finish you off but if you must know, Ian is concerned Denise's bananas are too big - possibly an allusion to the very long trade dispute between the EU and WTO!
Or perhaps - given the smirk on Ian's face as they exchange banter - this is opening up the prospect of an Ian/Denise relationship? Oh dear. Banter that runs the length of the episode. Oh dear, oh dear.
Abi reacts to finding the smashed nose of the tacky reindeer as if she'd just seen someone drown a sack of kittens and asks "WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?!" Pretty much anyone on the Square, is the answer to that question. Your own mother callously manipulated a man into burying your father alive and your boyfriend was an accomplice to murder! You'd think she'd have some perspective... Oh an Tanya assures her that her scan results will be fine BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS! She might as well have paint a bullseye on her forehead.
Twitney talks to Lauren about Tyler - as she has remembered they're going out - gushing about what a wonderful boyfriend he is, before Lauren posits (incorrectly) that Joey and Skeletor are back together. Lauren then seems somewhat pleased at Tyler having to break off is plans with Twitney and then contents herself with giving death stares to Skeletor for several hours.
Resulting in Lauren telling her that Joey isn't right for her - at which point it seems common sense might prevail! Oh, right - this is Eastenders. So it doesn't. Lucy doesn't tell Lauren that she didn't sleep with Joey, despite the fact she's obviously aggrieved at this development. Gosh.
Time passes and Lucy confesses that she didn't do anything with Joey because he is in love with someone!
Cora apparently got the job at the laundrette! Perhaps politicians think that Eastenders is reality TV and that jobs can be obtained within under a day? She manages to get Jean to help her with the laundry because she seems to have thought the job involved sitting in the office... and then when Jean says she has to leave, locks her in and exploits a person with mental illness for her own gain. Such a sympathetic character!
Abi walks in on her, looking as if she about to have a heart attack. For some reason, Abi thinks that her grandmother working in the laundrette requires her and her mother to talk... although, this is apparently about Tanya's cancer flu - so, why can't it wait until the end of the work day? Wow... we ACTUALLY saw people working today. Freaky!
Oh and if you're wondering what Alfie got Bianca - you need help. Just kidding, he got them caroling outfits.
No comments:
Post a Comment