So, the tedium of Tuesday starts where the misery of Monday left off - with Tanya hell bent on seeing her long lost sister. Just to pad out the episode, there has to be an easily resolved scene between the two, where inevitably Patrick agrees to go along... because, he has to.
They go into the school and Tanya stands up, only for someone to bump into someone and naturally, that makes her a bit cross but guess what? Go on! You'll never guess. Oh, you guessed that it was Tanya's sister? Oh... that's spoilt the surprise a bit. Anyway, yes after that side splitting piece of comedy we're treated to the look on Tanya's face when she realises that her sister is black. A look most people would reserve for being told they're going to require major surgery.
Tanya having booked this meeting is either too stupid to have planned for it or too shocked... Much like her conversation with her mother about her long lost sister, this shows she thought about something but didn't really know where she was going to go with it. Yes, some people are more inclined to roll with the punches than plan things out ahead of time but Tanya seems to have done neither of those. She gets into a situation of her own volition and then just seems utterly flummoxed.
Why not try something radical like saying "I'm your long lost sister?" Oh, right - that would make sense and we can't have that. So, they go on a tour of the school and they see Ava (a deputy head at a primary school) acts all maternal, prompting Tanya to run off to have a bit of a cry. Patrick explains to Tanya - because apparently someone in their 40s would be utterly ignorant about racism back in the day - that things weren't great for black people in the day, which is apparently shocking to her.
Revelations about the world being a less tolerant place in the past aside, Tanya takes Patrick's advice to leave the past in the past (for no discernible reason)... BUT! DUN DUN DUN! Tanya left her purse behind! Leading to Ava running out the school as the car drives off. Could this mean Ava will not remain long lost?!
Elsewhere, the Hogson and Lauren are being very awkward about their incestuous kiss. So, he runs off to mope at Half-Day Alice in the caffffffff and then Lauren turns up and makes some snide remarks, leading Half-Day Alice to comment that Joey is fammmmmmleeeeee!
Twitney realises that something is wrong - possibly because Lauren is staring off into the middle distance forlornly - and having been groomed by a paedophilic step-father, kidnapped by a pimp and forced into prostitution, she says she won't judge but naturally, knowing that fancying her cousin is probably going to lead to judgement, Lauren runs off home and almost immediately runs out again.
For no particularly well articulated reason beyond Joey's phone being off, Lauren has got herself in a tizz and as soon as she finds him she might as well break down crying and confess her undying love for him... while he looks as blank and expressionless as always - it's a shame the Twilight films are finished because this guy would have been PERFECT for them!
So intense is the passion betwixt the two, that they have to go down the alley. Yes, the alley that people only ever go down to kiss secretly... and where they are always spied by someone. Which is why it will doubtless shock you deeply to discover that Derek catches the two - although he only sees Joey. DUN DUN DUN!
After that, Lauren has her doubts - again... and given how the Crayon Crew are these days, we can expect to see nearly identical scenes over and over and over again... Something that makes the inevitable certainty of death just that much more bearable. Oh and Joey - still showing all the emotion of a rock, declares his love for Lauren. Sorry. That's really unfair. A rock would be far more emotive.
Derek the Hogfather has a hilarious line, insinuating that the French know nothing about food! DOHOHO! He's also very concerned about Half-Day Alice learning self-defence because it's "unlady like" - a point so ridiculous that even Jacknocchio notices it's absurd. When Half-Day Alice learns of this, it's almost enough that she actually looks like she might act... don't worry though, she doesn't.
Having had Jacknocchio ignore his objection, Derek goes to talk to Max and asks him to "pull rank" with Max... Who knew the Branning clan had such a codified hierarchy?! Somehow, Max telling him that he just has to stop being such an eejit helps Derek reach some kind of conclusion about how to act. This seems to involve buying flowers and doing the dishes.
Half-Day Alice is having none of it when she returns but Derek is able to fool her - despite the fact he has pretty much JUST admitted to lying to her - by lying to her... because Half-Day Alice's brain was having a half-day! So, a very short lived falling out but inevitably the lies about Ray will lead to ANOTHER falling out... because if there is one thing we've not had enough of from the Hogfather it's him having fights and reconciliations with his children!
Pointless Poppy and Arfuuuuuuuuuur get together in the caffffffff, where apparently the random girl he approached like a muppet in the Vic is now a potential love interest! DUN DUN DUN! Later, he goes round to Pointless Poppy's house just in time to get a textual rejection from her. This leads to her intimating he should wait for someone "special"... then her sister calls and SHE'S COMING TO VISIT! Perhaps this could foreshadow... A LOVE TRIANGLE! What about Arfuuuuuuuuuur and Denise, you cry? "What about them?", the Crayon Crew replies!
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