Monday 12th November 2012

As if Monday's weren't wretched enough already - here's another Eastenders shaped slice of misery!

The mummified (yet somehow animated) remains of Tanya's mother (Cora Branning) is having a bad day... Which naturally gets worse when Pointless Poppy appears... Cora naturally responds by leaving the house and going to Tanya's, who can blame her. This is all just to build up to Cora admitting that she didn't meet Rainie. She also makes an angry/drunken birthday cake for her SECRET DAUGHTER, which is why she was acting "out of character"... except being high strung and short tempered is pretty much exactly how she always is, so why did anyone think something was wrong? Oh and the secret daughter is alive - something telegraphed months ago, yawn. The expression on Patrick's face is priceless though.

Syed finds out that the distant outpost of humanity where his daughter is being taken is... AN HOUR AND A QUARTER AWAY BY TRAIN! It's surprising there wasn't a sudden swelling of emotional music for this unspeakable human tragedy. Christian is supposedly a mess because of the whole situation but looks as if he had a chance to get his hair done over the weekend. Everyone acts if Yasmin is being taken to the furthest reaches of space and... uh, generally speaking Syed as a father has rights to visitation... but this is the hellish perversion of our world known as Walford, so they might as well be on the dark side of the Moon. Naturally, Yasmin being his daughter - Syed seems about as upset as if he's dropped an ice cream on the ground, whereas "uncle" Christian is a basket case.

Alice has taken the WHOLE day off work to go and train with Ray... How will they cope without her?! Apparently she was able to learn stage-fight jitsu and emasculates Joey (the Hogson) by catching his very slow punch and not really throwing him to the ground.

The three headed beast of the Branning brothers appear together. Again. In the Vic. Again but THIS TIME! We've got Kat looking at them as if she's feeling sick! AGAIN! DING, DING, DING! Of course, naturally it being a Monday night - they're in the Vic from lunch time onward "working" hard, drunkenly squabbling for what seems like most of the day and well into the night.

To show us that even in Walford there is gender equality - Tanya, Kat and Sharon are all in R&R drinking too... because Monday is a big club night in Albert Square and having spent maybe... two or three seconds in or near a place of business, they need to blow off some steam!