Shirley is stalking Phil, presumably because she found out he was paying her rent.
Cyndi 2 is back to Devon before the end of the episode. Hahaha. Sure.
Shirley confronts Kim and finds out Denise knew too...
Cyndi 2 isn't wanted by Peter or Lucy but she knows about Peter's TERRRRIBLE SECRET!
Pointless Poppy catches Arfuuuuuuuuuuurrrr in a lie. DUN DUN DUN!
Shirley feels out King Phil about her rent but then after he denies it all, she just says she knows... King Phil doesn't want to discuss it in public though.
Jean is concerned about the continued carrot theft.
Abi continues to act all weird and nervous around her sister.
Cyndi 2 and Denise have a conversation, despite the fact they don't know one another. At all. Which is why Cyndi 2 tries to guilt her into talking to Ian and it seems to work.
Phil admits he might still have feelings for Shirley, that's a shock.
Lauren arranges an impromptu party for Abi.
Goodness, Shirley and Phil's problems are down to 'Ev's murder. This entire could have been cut and pasted from whenever Shirley found out.
Pointless Poppy looks set to leave Walford but is intercepted by Tamwar and Alice (who might just be on a half-day).
The tedious allotment storyline grinds on.
Poppy tells Alice about how she lost her job and how Arfuuuuuuuuuur is cheating on him. Cue Arfuuuuuuuuur walking in with a woman and Poppy storms off before Arfuuuuuur can explain that she's just a work colleague and that he's actually been secretly working back at a definitely not dangerously close to copyright infringing fast food restaurant. Who could have seen that shocking twist coming?
Lauren tells Peter he should forgive his sister and then comments how he's always been the golden boy who does no wrong. FORESHADOWING!
Cyndi 2 tries again to stay but Ian has had a long chat with her grandmother!
Pointless Poppy throws herself on Lola's mercy and then gushes to Sadie to try and get her job back and that works like a treat.
To make the allotment plot worse, it turns out the thief is Mo.
It turns out Cyndi 2 was running away because she didn't want to move house and Ian seems to be taken by this predictable yarn of flattery and faaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmleeeee.
Mo reminds us of what a loathsome character she is and how her absence from the screen enriches the programme, blackmailing Jean into get DCI The Bill not press charges.
Shirley and Sharon shout at one another until Denise comes in.
The surprise party is sprung on Abi who continues to act all tense.
Denise talks some sense to Shirley about Phil and she seems to have a complete turn around on her former Phil hating ways.
Abi admits she was lying about her exam results and the puts the blame squarely on Lauren... ah, sisterly love.
Shirley walks into Phil's house (no need to lock doors in crime free Walford). She then tells Phil to think of what she's worth and then treble it. You won't get far on less than a tenner, Shirl.
Oh and despite everyone having spent the entire episode she'd be gone before the credits, guess who's staying "a few more days". Yes, it's Cyndi 2!
Thursday, 22 August 2013
Tuesday, 20 August 2013
Tuesday 20th August 2013
Denise didn't sleep well because of her break up with Ian. Kim is on hand with supportive comments! What a great sister. Oh and then Ian calls.
Peter tells Ian not to be an idiot - sadly advice that is necessary on a daily basis in Walford. Oh and Ian seems to think proposing marriage is the answer.
The car lot has suffered some tyre slashing, just as Carl waltzes by. Max and Jack growl at him.
Shirley has some lines... that are irrelevant, as Ian comes in to try and win Denise over. Denise is glad he's shooed off by Kim but Patrick tells her she needs to deal with Ian sooner or later. Oh and Phil covering Shirley's rent is brought up but why would anyone tell Kim about that?
Pointless Poppy has not been forgiven by Lola!
Kat and Bianca are still going on about singles night. Good grief.
Lauren isn't very good at her job but fortunately she's off to her alcohol counselling but not before a package arrives! It's booze for Lauren - which Max concludes is from Carl. DUN DUN DUN!
Ian comes begging to Denise, she isn't too impressed
The fact everyone in Walford lives isolated, lonely, miserable and has hardly any social contact with people outside their immediate family or someone they despise is manifest by Bianca's inability to find someone to accompany her to singles night take two... doubly so by the fact that she and Kat are competing to find someone to go with them.
Shirley continues to wind up Shirley... but Patrick is on hand to defuse the situation. Where could this be going?
There's a shocker, the guy from last time is still loitering outside the counselling room when Lauren is there.
Tamwar and Alice are going on a date! Which is awkward!
Ian's genius plan is to get Denise back is to get his son to talk to her and shut down his business to demonstrate his desperation.
Sadie is treating Lola badly!
Denise is barraged by first Alfie and then Peter trying to fix the relationship between her and Ian. Peter bounds after her out of the Vic... this is tremendously desperate... what kind of man sends his son to sort this out?
Patrick is trying to patch things up between Shirley and Kim with ALCOHOL!
Peter has A DAAAAAAAAAARK SECRET as someone keeps calling him. Oh and Ian totally over reacts to Denise not saying no. Quelle surprise.
Sadie picks up on Lola having a bee in her bonnet and asks Pointless Poppy about it, who confesses her deception and runs out crying.
The Kat and Bianca single night take two... Feel your will to live ebb.
Denise walks into the empty restaurant and Ian's toe curling apology begins. It's awful.
Carl shows that getting a rise out of Max is easier than getting wet in the ocean as but a single taunt in the Vic has Max ready to commit assault. Fortunately, Jack is there to stop him and Lauren walks in to ponder Max's predicament.
Wow! Ian seems to realise he suffers from a split personality but it's obviously all empty words from him.
Kat and Bianca realise Walford men are awful... yeah but you should see the women! Just use a mirror.
What a surprise - Kim spills the beans about Phil paying Shirley's rent.
Pointless Poppy sees Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur with another woman. Who cares?
And Ian et al return to find the house has been broken into and the estranged Cyndi is there.
Peter tells Ian not to be an idiot - sadly advice that is necessary on a daily basis in Walford. Oh and Ian seems to think proposing marriage is the answer.
The car lot has suffered some tyre slashing, just as Carl waltzes by. Max and Jack growl at him.
Shirley has some lines... that are irrelevant, as Ian comes in to try and win Denise over. Denise is glad he's shooed off by Kim but Patrick tells her she needs to deal with Ian sooner or later. Oh and Phil covering Shirley's rent is brought up but why would anyone tell Kim about that?
Pointless Poppy has not been forgiven by Lola!
Kat and Bianca are still going on about singles night. Good grief.
Lauren isn't very good at her job but fortunately she's off to her alcohol counselling but not before a package arrives! It's booze for Lauren - which Max concludes is from Carl. DUN DUN DUN!
Ian comes begging to Denise, she isn't too impressed
The fact everyone in Walford lives isolated, lonely, miserable and has hardly any social contact with people outside their immediate family or someone they despise is manifest by Bianca's inability to find someone to accompany her to singles night take two... doubly so by the fact that she and Kat are competing to find someone to go with them.
Shirley continues to wind up Shirley... but Patrick is on hand to defuse the situation. Where could this be going?
There's a shocker, the guy from last time is still loitering outside the counselling room when Lauren is there.
Tamwar and Alice are going on a date! Which is awkward!
Ian's genius plan is to get Denise back is to get his son to talk to her and shut down his business to demonstrate his desperation.
Sadie is treating Lola badly!
Denise is barraged by first Alfie and then Peter trying to fix the relationship between her and Ian. Peter bounds after her out of the Vic... this is tremendously desperate... what kind of man sends his son to sort this out?
Patrick is trying to patch things up between Shirley and Kim with ALCOHOL!
Peter has A DAAAAAAAAAARK SECRET as someone keeps calling him. Oh and Ian totally over reacts to Denise not saying no. Quelle surprise.
Sadie picks up on Lola having a bee in her bonnet and asks Pointless Poppy about it, who confesses her deception and runs out crying.
The Kat and Bianca single night take two... Feel your will to live ebb.
Denise walks into the empty restaurant and Ian's toe curling apology begins. It's awful.
Carl shows that getting a rise out of Max is easier than getting wet in the ocean as but a single taunt in the Vic has Max ready to commit assault. Fortunately, Jack is there to stop him and Lauren walks in to ponder Max's predicament.
Wow! Ian seems to realise he suffers from a split personality but it's obviously all empty words from him.
Kat and Bianca realise Walford men are awful... yeah but you should see the women! Just use a mirror.
What a surprise - Kim spills the beans about Phil paying Shirley's rent.
Pointless Poppy sees Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur with another woman. Who cares?
And Ian et al return to find the house has been broken into and the estranged Cyndi is there.
Monday, 19 August 2013
Monday 19th August 2013
Sadie has opened her revamped salon, just as Count Moonula walks by talking about buying a gym. Improbably, Sadie addresses him (seemingly without irony) as handsome. Oh and Hollyoaks is in his office because Janine is his new business partner. DUN DUN DUN!
Denise is working for Ian now!
Moonula confronts Jack and he apparently did this to spend more time
Kat and Bianca on a double date... isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?
Pointless Poppy is now suspicious that Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrr is cheating on her, unfortunately no one cares.
Moonula expresses his displeasure to Janine... the game continues!
The opening of the salon continues and the standard is set suitably low by presence of Kim... and it seems Ian is taking Denise for granted. Again.
Moonula's next move is telling Dot that the drafty warehouse is getting an overhaul to remove her husband's likeness and name from it... she doesn't take this too well.
Carl comes to not so politely menace Ian for his money and isn't taking no for an answer... and of course, Peter doesn't work out that he's still getting paid protection money despite the fact his father doesn't answer his question about what Carl was doing in the cafffffffffffffffffff.
Dot has a pop at Jack but he seems to have an answer for everything, she isn't best pleased.
Oh, lawks - the double date... Make it stop!
Denise is getting run off her feet at the salon as Pointless Poppy tells porkies to win a bonus and continues to be suspicious about Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur.
Carl's master plan seems to have been set in motion... yawn! Just what the show needed, at least three weeks of another Branning centred plot.
Jack tells Michael he's not impressed by his attempts at manipulation. Yawn.
Denise continues to be run ragged as Ian desperately tries to find someone else to serve canapes... there are about five people in the salon in a space smaller than most people's bathroom - HOW IS THIS DIFFICULT FOR HER?!
Kat and Bianca bicker about which man they're going to get because Kat has the attractive physiotherapist and Bianca has the rather more plain consultant who is baffling her with science talk... but the physiotherapist overhears them and does what someone should have done a long time ago and informs them they're terrible people.
A low ebb for Denise when Kim has to point out Ian is taking her for granted.
Dot gives Michael a peptalk - she tells him life isn't a game! Oh and she throws in a "think of the children!"
Pointless Poppy's diabolical plan comes to fruition as Sadie overhears Lola giving someone a 35% discount. No bonus for her!
Ian turns up after everyone has gone to give Denise another "I've made a huge mistake" face when he leaves, a day late and a dollar short.
Pointless Poppy's paranoia persists!
Having listened to Dot's advise, Michael decides to rise about Janine's ability to buy a business over the weekend... it seems strange both that the business could take place at the weekend (as that's when Jack decided, apparently) and that Hollyoaks looking at the books occurred AFTER the purchase... do the Crayon Crew not know what due diligence is? Oh and wasn't Hollyoaks expertise in property? Why would he and Michael need to learn to work together?
Walford's most improbable couple are now through... it took Denise a LONG time to come to her senses.
Denise is working for Ian now!
Moonula confronts Jack and he apparently did this to spend more time
Kat and Bianca on a double date... isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?
Pointless Poppy is now suspicious that Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrr is cheating on her, unfortunately no one cares.
Moonula expresses his displeasure to Janine... the game continues!
The opening of the salon continues and the standard is set suitably low by presence of Kim... and it seems Ian is taking Denise for granted. Again.
Moonula's next move is telling Dot that the drafty warehouse is getting an overhaul to remove her husband's likeness and name from it... she doesn't take this too well.
Carl comes to not so politely menace Ian for his money and isn't taking no for an answer... and of course, Peter doesn't work out that he's still getting paid protection money despite the fact his father doesn't answer his question about what Carl was doing in the cafffffffffffffffffff.
Dot has a pop at Jack but he seems to have an answer for everything, she isn't best pleased.
Oh, lawks - the double date... Make it stop!
Denise is getting run off her feet at the salon as Pointless Poppy tells porkies to win a bonus and continues to be suspicious about Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur.
Carl's master plan seems to have been set in motion... yawn! Just what the show needed, at least three weeks of another Branning centred plot.
Jack tells Michael he's not impressed by his attempts at manipulation. Yawn.
Denise continues to be run ragged as Ian desperately tries to find someone else to serve canapes... there are about five people in the salon in a space smaller than most people's bathroom - HOW IS THIS DIFFICULT FOR HER?!
Kat and Bianca bicker about which man they're going to get because Kat has the attractive physiotherapist and Bianca has the rather more plain consultant who is baffling her with science talk... but the physiotherapist overhears them and does what someone should have done a long time ago and informs them they're terrible people.
A low ebb for Denise when Kim has to point out Ian is taking her for granted.
Dot gives Michael a peptalk - she tells him life isn't a game! Oh and she throws in a "think of the children!"
Pointless Poppy's diabolical plan comes to fruition as Sadie overhears Lola giving someone a 35% discount. No bonus for her!
Ian turns up after everyone has gone to give Denise another "I've made a huge mistake" face when he leaves, a day late and a dollar short.
Pointless Poppy's paranoia persists!
Having listened to Dot's advise, Michael decides to rise about Janine's ability to buy a business over the weekend... it seems strange both that the business could take place at the weekend (as that's when Jack decided, apparently) and that Hollyoaks looking at the books occurred AFTER the purchase... do the Crayon Crew not know what due diligence is? Oh and wasn't Hollyoaks expertise in property? Why would he and Michael need to learn to work together?
Walford's most improbable couple are now through... it took Denise a LONG time to come to her senses.
Friday, 16 August 2013
Friday 16th August 2013
Carl is still getting a pat down and have they found something in his pocket?
Tanya has invited her mother to rehab... a cause for celebration, says Max.
Predictably, Carl doesn't have any drugs on him but he seems a mite stressed.
Tamwar is in love with Alice! Yawn.
Joey is concerned that Carl will blame him and Max for the shake down but Lauren is
Carl would rather be dead than back inside... and gasp, could Kirstie still have feelings for him?
Pointless Poppy is doing her best to come across as retarded but Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuur manages to interrupt for operation get Tamwar a relationship.
Carl mopes about prison and Max telling tales, which seems to place some doubt in Kirstie's mind... and then Max - the man you can tell is lying by virtue of his mouth being open - comes in and is unable to respond.
Some awkwardness when Twitney turns up to the club where Lauren and Joey are.
Pointless Poppy is trying REALLY hard to seem as if she is mentally subnormal tonight as planning for operation get Tamwar a relationship continues.
Lauren confesses to taking a sip of vodka, at which point Joey and Twitney look at her as if she said she put a baby in blender and doesn't even try to complete the anecdote... because she omits the spitting the vodka out... What an idiot.
Max is still unable to simply deny he called the police and then there's the predictable goading... and then Patrick wades in to tell Carl he's not welcome there. Since when could he make that kind of decision. Then Max leaves his coat behind and Carl purloins his phone.
Lauren comes back as if she JUST remembered she spat the vodka out to be all loud and shouty. Ah, lectures in morality from a recovering alcoholic. Good grief, this isn't Eastenders anymore - it's Lauren and the Brannings. Anyway, Lauren doesn't want Joey for what... the hundredth time?
IT'S THE SINGLES NIGHT! Bianca and AJ have some pointless deal to see if they can find a suitable partner for one another.
Oh and Tamwar and Half-Day Alice start on their blind date. Boring.
Kat speaks some words of wisdom "Fix me something to take away the pain." Wise words.
Carl is noting down all the numbers from Max's phone... there's probably an app for that... Patrick comes along and does a weak "sling yooooooooor 'ook" and predictably relents when Carl gives him puppy dog eyes.
The blind date continues - who cares?
Singles night continues - who cares? If you like unfunny, telegraphed jokes - you just might!
Arfuuuuuuuuur, Poppy and Dot wonder about the date but it seems today is the day for leaving phones behind and Poppy sees a call from a lady! DUN DUN DUN!
Tamwar and Alice kiss!
Lauren returns to the Branning house because if there is one thing we've not got enough of - it's Brannings and she says she wants five minutes without drama... I think you'd have to be looking for a rather more permanent solution to achieve that. She gives Max back his phone, which Carl had handed to her and what a shock, he heads across the Square to see Carl who is standing around outside and offers a very well spoken and polite threat about how he's going to end his relationship with Kirstie in three weeks.
Tanya has invited her mother to rehab... a cause for celebration, says Max.
Predictably, Carl doesn't have any drugs on him but he seems a mite stressed.
Tamwar is in love with Alice! Yawn.
Joey is concerned that Carl will blame him and Max for the shake down but Lauren is
Carl would rather be dead than back inside... and gasp, could Kirstie still have feelings for him?
Pointless Poppy is doing her best to come across as retarded but Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuur manages to interrupt for operation get Tamwar a relationship.
Carl mopes about prison and Max telling tales, which seems to place some doubt in Kirstie's mind... and then Max - the man you can tell is lying by virtue of his mouth being open - comes in and is unable to respond.
Some awkwardness when Twitney turns up to the club where Lauren and Joey are.
Pointless Poppy is trying REALLY hard to seem as if she is mentally subnormal tonight as planning for operation get Tamwar a relationship continues.
Lauren confesses to taking a sip of vodka, at which point Joey and Twitney look at her as if she said she put a baby in blender and doesn't even try to complete the anecdote... because she omits the spitting the vodka out... What an idiot.
Max is still unable to simply deny he called the police and then there's the predictable goading... and then Patrick wades in to tell Carl he's not welcome there. Since when could he make that kind of decision. Then Max leaves his coat behind and Carl purloins his phone.
Lauren comes back as if she JUST remembered she spat the vodka out to be all loud and shouty. Ah, lectures in morality from a recovering alcoholic. Good grief, this isn't Eastenders anymore - it's Lauren and the Brannings. Anyway, Lauren doesn't want Joey for what... the hundredth time?
IT'S THE SINGLES NIGHT! Bianca and AJ have some pointless deal to see if they can find a suitable partner for one another.
Oh and Tamwar and Half-Day Alice start on their blind date. Boring.
Kat speaks some words of wisdom "Fix me something to take away the pain." Wise words.
Carl is noting down all the numbers from Max's phone... there's probably an app for that... Patrick comes along and does a weak "sling yooooooooor 'ook" and predictably relents when Carl gives him puppy dog eyes.
The blind date continues - who cares?
Singles night continues - who cares? If you like unfunny, telegraphed jokes - you just might!
Arfuuuuuuuuur, Poppy and Dot wonder about the date but it seems today is the day for leaving phones behind and Poppy sees a call from a lady! DUN DUN DUN!
Tamwar and Alice kiss!
Lauren returns to the Branning house because if there is one thing we've not got enough of - it's Brannings and she says she wants five minutes without drama... I think you'd have to be looking for a rather more permanent solution to achieve that. She gives Max back his phone, which Carl had handed to her and what a shock, he heads across the Square to see Carl who is standing around outside and offers a very well spoken and polite threat about how he's going to end his relationship with Kirstie in three weeks.
Thursday, 15 August 2013
Thursday 15th August 2013
Thank goodness, no Lauren running today... just Lauren having her breakfast and Abi's exam results today.
Someone in a hoodie is stalking Kirstie!
Moonula bemoans Hollyoaks to Jack, who is concerned about the status of their big empty warehouse.
For some reason, after months of showing active contempt for Tamwar - both Kat and Bianca are concerned about him.
Kirstie gets jumped by someone demanding money from her, only to have Carl jump in to save the day but it turns out that Carl knows - it's his bruv! Who apparently disappointed Carl while he was inside but is now in trouble... and he's going to be selling the drugs to make ends meet.
Predictably, Max wants to wade in... because he has such a reputation as a hard man! Or possibly just for perpetually making idiotic decisions.
Lauren goes to her counselling session!
Tamwar and Half-Day Alice talk about how Tamwar is a joke for a while but Alice is all about the peptalk and turning the tables.
Joey tells Max that Carl and Adam are going to be at the club at 'alf ten. DUN DUN DUN!
Awkward silence in Lauren's therapy session!
Max decides the best plan is to get King Phil involved to fight his battles for him.
Oh, Count Moonula is getting serious about the barn business... for some reason and Alice plans to use his colour printer!
Lauren is blackmailed into talking by the threat of a sing-a-long... this therapist is good. Lauren moans about how everything is awful for her and how she wants her sister to fail... wow, there's goes any sympathy you could have for her.
Looks like Max's plan to tell tales worked out well as he and Phil come in to tell him what a naughty boy he is.
Lauren confesses her desire for her sister to fail stems from the fact she lasted a whole week before going back on the booze.
Max seems surprised that Phil is only interested in Carl not dealing in his club and he walks out the club after some silly bickering.
Lauren's therapist tells her that spitting out alcohol was a big achievement. The the guy that talked to Lauren before she went in is still there when she comes out... even Lauren points out it's weird.
Max tells some porkies to Kirstie, resulting in a slap and then he calls the police.
Carl and his brother Adam have words. They're through as bruvs!
Kat and Bianca bemoan the inevitable terribleness of the singles night, before Tamwar's prank is enacted! It's every bit as painful as you'd expect but Kat and Bianca agree to do litter duty... and Tamwar gets a hug.
Abi did well in her exams! Yay! Who cares!
Carl lies about dealing drugs to Kirstie, just as Walford PD turn up to search him. DUN DUN DUN!
Someone in a hoodie is stalking Kirstie!
Moonula bemoans Hollyoaks to Jack, who is concerned about the status of their big empty warehouse.
For some reason, after months of showing active contempt for Tamwar - both Kat and Bianca are concerned about him.
Kirstie gets jumped by someone demanding money from her, only to have Carl jump in to save the day but it turns out that Carl knows - it's his bruv! Who apparently disappointed Carl while he was inside but is now in trouble... and he's going to be selling the drugs to make ends meet.
Predictably, Max wants to wade in... because he has such a reputation as a hard man! Or possibly just for perpetually making idiotic decisions.
Lauren goes to her counselling session!
Tamwar and Half-Day Alice talk about how Tamwar is a joke for a while but Alice is all about the peptalk and turning the tables.
Joey tells Max that Carl and Adam are going to be at the club at 'alf ten. DUN DUN DUN!
Awkward silence in Lauren's therapy session!
Max decides the best plan is to get King Phil involved to fight his battles for him.
Oh, Count Moonula is getting serious about the barn business... for some reason and Alice plans to use his colour printer!
Lauren is blackmailed into talking by the threat of a sing-a-long... this therapist is good. Lauren moans about how everything is awful for her and how she wants her sister to fail... wow, there's goes any sympathy you could have for her.
Looks like Max's plan to tell tales worked out well as he and Phil come in to tell him what a naughty boy he is.
Lauren confesses her desire for her sister to fail stems from the fact she lasted a whole week before going back on the booze.
Max seems surprised that Phil is only interested in Carl not dealing in his club and he walks out the club after some silly bickering.
Lauren's therapist tells her that spitting out alcohol was a big achievement. The the guy that talked to Lauren before she went in is still there when she comes out... even Lauren points out it's weird.
Max tells some porkies to Kirstie, resulting in a slap and then he calls the police.
Carl and his brother Adam have words. They're through as bruvs!
Kat and Bianca bemoan the inevitable terribleness of the singles night, before Tamwar's prank is enacted! It's every bit as painful as you'd expect but Kat and Bianca agree to do litter duty... and Tamwar gets a hug.
Abi did well in her exams! Yay! Who cares!
Carl lies about dealing drugs to Kirstie, just as Walford PD turn up to search him. DUN DUN DUN!
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
Tuesday 13th August 2013
Oh, lawdy - please don't let Lauren's run (with soundtrack) become a regular feature and there she goes chasing after Joey.
Bianca is skeptical about online dating - you already had a serious relationship with a sex offender. Oh and they take the opportunity to make Tamwar more of a joke... as if that was possible but Half-Day Alice is there to give him some consolation.
Joey seems to be pretty keen on Lauren again... that seems a bit unlikely but he's still apparently worried she'll fall apart but Lauren is of a mind that the family that sleeps together, STAYS together. Dohohoho.
The salon - according to Sam - needs rewiring, a likely story but Joey is on hand to use his business brain (HAHAHAHA!) to help out because being a bartender means you're allowed to let out the club to anyone at the drop of a hat.
Count Moonula makes the bold (meaning incredibly laughable) statement that he is a man of means because he owns a business to try and... something Hollyoaks. You're co-owner of an empty warehouse, not Bill Gates.
For once, Sharon has a valid point when she castigates Joey for his rash decision but then immediately folds.
Lauren wants to hang out with Lucy (because they're BFFs again) but she's going to the club. DUN DUN DUN! But Lauren will go there anyway, great idea.
Ian walks into the Vic to see the footballer's wife wannabe talking about needing a caterer and he volunteers his services and gets pressed into a ridiculous time line to demonstrate his culinary expertise.
Lauren tells her papa about going to the club and he doesn't take much winning over because he's an idiot.
Oh dear, Ian is being demanding of Denise and unappreciative again...
Apparently, Joey was able to transform the club into a salon in mere moment. That's realistic! Then the salon owner doesn't pay Ian. Dohohoho.
Tamwar being a joke continues as he gets trapped in the portaloo by Winston of all people... Even Kat and Bianca don't seem that amused at this point - it's just getting kind of sad.
Lauren is sitting at home. WHAT COULD HAPPEN?!
Half-Day Alice attempts to rescue Tamwar from the portaloo... how hard is that?
So, in case you hadn't worked out that the salon owner is another person who should have been drowned at birth to save the world from the stain of suffering they would darken it with... she has a conversation in front of Denise to her caterer. Denise gives her a piece of her mind and then storms off.
Lauren is looking like a prostitute and Kirstie tells her she looks great... oh dear.
Tamwar is finally freed!
Oh dear, Lauren looks like a clown - amazingly Twitney isn't looking orange.
Denise tells Ian about his rejection by Sadie...
Everyone is being teatotal around Lauren... that's not awkward at all!
Joey finds something (possibly drugs?) at the club, just as the girls are headed there.
Ohoh, Hollyoaks is planning revenge against Moonula with Janine!
The girls are at the club but Joey is already concerned about Lauren - who is pretty much forcing drinks down her friends' throats.
Sadie apologises to Ian... who is trying to cover for her for some reason? Denise then scowls at Ian?
Lauren goes off to call her father, at which point Joey talks to Twitney and Lucy - because they then have to talk about Twitney and Joey sleeping together and sit around really awkwardly and make it obvious something is up and yes, shockingly Lauren finds out that Twitney and Joey had the sex and does the "it's OK" thing, which means it's anything but and steals a drink on the way out for good measure... and then Joey gets stopped before he can go after her (because he actually has to DO this job!)
Which is tracking down DA DRUGS! And who should be behind DA DRUGS but the mild mannered Carl? Who would have guessed? Carl is decidely less soft spoken when Joey confronts him and the usual threats are exchanged.
And... Lauren has a drink... but then spits it out... Wow, that was what? Less than a week? At least they're not drawing out her relapse... and as that means the storyline will be over sooner, that's good!
Bianca is skeptical about online dating - you already had a serious relationship with a sex offender. Oh and they take the opportunity to make Tamwar more of a joke... as if that was possible but Half-Day Alice is there to give him some consolation.
Joey seems to be pretty keen on Lauren again... that seems a bit unlikely but he's still apparently worried she'll fall apart but Lauren is of a mind that the family that sleeps together, STAYS together. Dohohoho.
The salon - according to Sam - needs rewiring, a likely story but Joey is on hand to use his business brain (HAHAHAHA!) to help out because being a bartender means you're allowed to let out the club to anyone at the drop of a hat.
Count Moonula makes the bold (meaning incredibly laughable) statement that he is a man of means because he owns a business to try and... something Hollyoaks. You're co-owner of an empty warehouse, not Bill Gates.
For once, Sharon has a valid point when she castigates Joey for his rash decision but then immediately folds.
Lauren wants to hang out with Lucy (because they're BFFs again) but she's going to the club. DUN DUN DUN! But Lauren will go there anyway, great idea.
Ian walks into the Vic to see the footballer's wife wannabe talking about needing a caterer and he volunteers his services and gets pressed into a ridiculous time line to demonstrate his culinary expertise.
Lauren tells her papa about going to the club and he doesn't take much winning over because he's an idiot.
Oh dear, Ian is being demanding of Denise and unappreciative again...
Apparently, Joey was able to transform the club into a salon in mere moment. That's realistic! Then the salon owner doesn't pay Ian. Dohohoho.
Tamwar being a joke continues as he gets trapped in the portaloo by Winston of all people... Even Kat and Bianca don't seem that amused at this point - it's just getting kind of sad.
Lauren is sitting at home. WHAT COULD HAPPEN?!
Half-Day Alice attempts to rescue Tamwar from the portaloo... how hard is that?
So, in case you hadn't worked out that the salon owner is another person who should have been drowned at birth to save the world from the stain of suffering they would darken it with... she has a conversation in front of Denise to her caterer. Denise gives her a piece of her mind and then storms off.
Lauren is looking like a prostitute and Kirstie tells her she looks great... oh dear.
Tamwar is finally freed!
Oh dear, Lauren looks like a clown - amazingly Twitney isn't looking orange.
Denise tells Ian about his rejection by Sadie...
Everyone is being teatotal around Lauren... that's not awkward at all!
Joey finds something (possibly drugs?) at the club, just as the girls are headed there.
Ohoh, Hollyoaks is planning revenge against Moonula with Janine!
The girls are at the club but Joey is already concerned about Lauren - who is pretty much forcing drinks down her friends' throats.
Sadie apologises to Ian... who is trying to cover for her for some reason? Denise then scowls at Ian?
Lauren goes off to call her father, at which point Joey talks to Twitney and Lucy - because they then have to talk about Twitney and Joey sleeping together and sit around really awkwardly and make it obvious something is up and yes, shockingly Lauren finds out that Twitney and Joey had the sex and does the "it's OK" thing, which means it's anything but and steals a drink on the way out for good measure... and then Joey gets stopped before he can go after her (because he actually has to DO this job!)
Which is tracking down DA DRUGS! And who should be behind DA DRUGS but the mild mannered Carl? Who would have guessed? Carl is decidely less soft spoken when Joey confronts him and the usual threats are exchanged.
And... Lauren has a drink... but then spits it out... Wow, that was what? Less than a week? At least they're not drawing out her relapse... and as that means the storyline will be over sooner, that's good!
Monday, 12 August 2013
Monday 12th August 2013
Dot is making a cake! For Jim! It's amazing she remembers he exists - no one even mentioned him when one of his sons died.
There's Lauren, running around the Square... good for her.
Back to work for Twitney, let's see how long that lasts.
Lauren stops by Dot, who tells her that recovering from addiction is hard and then she also discovers it's Jim's birthday. It seems Lauren feels that they should do something for her forgotten grandfather.
Kirstie and Max have re-established domestic bliss (except for the presence of Cora). Then Lauren comes in and says she wants to throw a party. DOHOHO!
Janine and Moonula continue to play their game - with Hollyoaks being the latest pawn.
Some squabbling about Lauren organising a party for Jim - yawn.
Kat isn't worried about Ronnie coming home anymore... and it looks like she's off to singles night.
Twitney returns to her job and apparently despite being an experience primary school teacher, Ava requires her to say "settle down"...
Lauren seems quite happy to just tell misery guts Carol about her recovery as if it's a discussion about the weather.
Twitney has the magic touch, it seems... that will surely be put to the test by the arrival of Sharon's freakish son...
Oh, wow - Jack and Poxy remembered they have a kid! Will wonders never cease?
Kat and Bianca laugh at how terrible a plot line the speed dating was, presumably in anticipation of singles night being at least as bad.
It's been less than a week and Lauren's resolve already seems to be cracking. Actually, in fairness her constant joking about alcohol seems to be indicative of a deeper problem... kind of sad when that's as subtle as the foreshadowing gets and of course, then to remove any ambiguity - she insists there be alcohol... leading to the predictable faux pas at the party and then A WILD JOEY APPEARS!
Kat asks Moonula along to the singles night which is just a prelude to taunting him about his desire to get back into Janine's affections.
Then we find out - gasp - Janine was just using Hollyoaks. A truly shocking turn of events.
There's a surprise, Dennis is taking after his mother and her being
Lauren walks around the party and the topic of conversation is Lauren, Lauren and Lauren... and goodness, it seems Lauren might want a drink!
Moonula finds out from Hollyoaks that Janine and he aren't an item.
Dot gets herself worked up into quite a state about the birthday and does the sensible thing of pointing out that none of Jim's children bothered going to see him... to be fair, they don't even remember him so that's to be expected.
Sharon (looking almost as Oompa Loompa as Twitney) comes in and demands answers about Dennis's treatment, going so far as to say "Are you calling my son a liar?" Even the most fleeting experience with young children would afford someone that the vast majority of them lie with the same regularity as they breathe... so, that would be a bit of a no brainer. Sharon immediately concludes that Ava's decision is based on the whole catapult thing with Dexter and vows revenge before waddling off.
The Branning siblings go to see Dot and after a little pressing, she reveals the highly improbable fact that she goes to see Jim EVERYDAY. She berates all of them for not going to see him more often and then lots of empty promises about rallying around to help Dot. Nice to see the fact Jim has been forgotten actually being mentioned.
Joey and Lauren are still sweet on each other but he doesn't want to be the reason for her to relapse and then just before they kiss, Kirstie bursts in. What an original way to end a scene!
There's Lauren, running around the Square... good for her.
Back to work for Twitney, let's see how long that lasts.
Lauren stops by Dot, who tells her that recovering from addiction is hard and then she also discovers it's Jim's birthday. It seems Lauren feels that they should do something for her forgotten grandfather.
Kirstie and Max have re-established domestic bliss (except for the presence of Cora). Then Lauren comes in and says she wants to throw a party. DOHOHO!
Janine and Moonula continue to play their game - with Hollyoaks being the latest pawn.
Some squabbling about Lauren organising a party for Jim - yawn.
Kat isn't worried about Ronnie coming home anymore... and it looks like she's off to singles night.
Twitney returns to her job and apparently despite being an experience primary school teacher, Ava requires her to say "settle down"...
Lauren seems quite happy to just tell misery guts Carol about her recovery as if it's a discussion about the weather.
Twitney has the magic touch, it seems... that will surely be put to the test by the arrival of Sharon's freakish son...
Oh, wow - Jack and Poxy remembered they have a kid! Will wonders never cease?
Kat and Bianca laugh at how terrible a plot line the speed dating was, presumably in anticipation of singles night being at least as bad.
It's been less than a week and Lauren's resolve already seems to be cracking. Actually, in fairness her constant joking about alcohol seems to be indicative of a deeper problem... kind of sad when that's as subtle as the foreshadowing gets and of course, then to remove any ambiguity - she insists there be alcohol... leading to the predictable faux pas at the party and then A WILD JOEY APPEARS!
Kat asks Moonula along to the singles night which is just a prelude to taunting him about his desire to get back into Janine's affections.
Then we find out - gasp - Janine was just using Hollyoaks. A truly shocking turn of events.
There's a surprise, Dennis is taking after his mother and her being
Lauren walks around the party and the topic of conversation is Lauren, Lauren and Lauren... and goodness, it seems Lauren might want a drink!
Moonula finds out from Hollyoaks that Janine and he aren't an item.
Dot gets herself worked up into quite a state about the birthday and does the sensible thing of pointing out that none of Jim's children bothered going to see him... to be fair, they don't even remember him so that's to be expected.
Sharon (looking almost as Oompa Loompa as Twitney) comes in and demands answers about Dennis's treatment, going so far as to say "Are you calling my son a liar?" Even the most fleeting experience with young children would afford someone that the vast majority of them lie with the same regularity as they breathe... so, that would be a bit of a no brainer. Sharon immediately concludes that Ava's decision is based on the whole catapult thing with Dexter and vows revenge before waddling off.
The Branning siblings go to see Dot and after a little pressing, she reveals the highly improbable fact that she goes to see Jim EVERYDAY. She berates all of them for not going to see him more often and then lots of empty promises about rallying around to help Dot. Nice to see the fact Jim has been forgotten actually being mentioned.
Joey and Lauren are still sweet on each other but he doesn't want to be the reason for her to relapse and then just before they kiss, Kirstie bursts in. What an original way to end a scene!
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