Brannings, Brannings, Brannings - will it never end? Because after yesterday's Branning heavy episode, we start where we left off with Max questioning Kirstie signing the divorce papers... Give that gift horse a thorough oral examination, that's Max's motto. Oh and Kirstie is leaving in 20 minutes. Just like that! Will it be for really reals though?
Max walks back in having after a conflicted look completely forgotten he was supposed to talk to Dot. Instead of coming clean, the supposedly consummate liar strings together a painfully unconvincing story about just bumping into Kirstie as he walked back from the Vic. Tanya looks less than convinced and then goes upstairs with a headache - careful, that's one of the first signs of cancer flu!
Kirstie (having turned up to her shift late and walked out after about five minutes) goes back again to tell Alfie she's leaving (for really reals) and she's handing in her notice... wow. Most people just abscond in the dead of night and just hope all the loose ends tie themselves up... ah but this is Eastenders, so there is an ulterior motive! She needs the money! She also tells Alfie he's a really nice bloke.
The unrelenting dreariness of the Branning Barrage doesn't stop there though. We have Kirstie going back to the B&B to pay her rent and then Lauren turns up... then it's back to Max, who is checking on the kids before going to bed. A scene that mixes tedium and awkwardness drags on as Max and Tanya are in the not-really-dark of the bedroom - despite having said she had a headache, divorce is a big turn on for Tanya but what's that? Max just wants a cuddle?! Dohohoho - oh, how you have subverted gender stereotypes Eastenders!
Thankfully, we escape that scene to see Lauren apparently feeling guilty about Kirstie's departure... Kirstie's parting words of wisdom? Cut down on the booze. Wise words indeed. Then it's back to the Branning bedroom, where Max can't go to sleep. Tanya asks about what happened with Kirstie at the funeral and AGAIN, the consummate liar makes a number of schoolboy errors.
Tanya apparently decides that morbid fascination with the minutiae of everything pertaining to Kirstie is a great idea and that tomorrow will be a fresh start! Yes because a rigorous examination of that relationship is going to make a fresh start super easy! Max gets so vexed by Tanya's stream of questions that - if possible - Max's guttural tongue descends to the point it sounds as if he's trying to imitate a didgeridoo!
Finally, Max drops the bombshell of Kirstie's abortion. Yawn. Then we get to the "revelation" that Max would sleep with her... for some reason, this surprises Tanya... has she not noticed her husband's serial philandering? Oh and he still loves her too. This prompts Max to return to his didgeridoo impersonation - where's Rolf Harris with his wobble board when you need him?!
Oh and despite having asked for this honesty and Max actually obliging (oh, the irony) - Tanya decides that the only logical recourse is to physically man handle him out of the house... Wait, isn't it Max's house? Anyway, Max is standing on the street corner JUST in time to see Kirstie being ferried away into the night. OK, the storyline is over now... can we please, PLEASE HAVE A BRANNING BREAK?!
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