Kim finds what she thinks is a ring box in Ray's pockets and he walks in, apparently not best pleased as he tries to pull it from her hands. Oh but it's not a ring, just a necklace... Ray might be stupid enough to be going out with you Kim but marry you? He'd need to lose a lot of his brain cells to think THAT was a good idea. Oh and Denise walks in and is very obviously awkward and uncomfortable.
Ray tells her she needs to act natural - I think just the ability to string sentences together when the three of you are in a room together would be a better place to start. Ray points out that telling Kim will just hurt her and that he doesn't want to do that... Denise isn't looking too happy about it though.
Sufficiently unhappy to make the most elementary mistake of telling Patrick about what happened with Ray. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to do pretty much the exact same thing that Ray did and tell her to just get over it, recognising that a momentary lapse of judgement isn't worth the hurt feelings it would likely cause.
Denise compliments Kim and this leads her dim witted sister to conclude she needs to force Ray to marry her. Which leads to her confronting Ray in such a way that he assumes Denise has told her about the kiss and so, we immediately get a "She came onto me!" response. Should have played it cool, man! Anyway, what's the revelation of unfaithfulness without a slap and Kim runs over to the Vic JUST to slap Denise!
Kat has apparently entered the period of mourning (although, this time she hasn't removed her thick caking of slap - she's apparently letting it decay naturally) as she's dressed all in black and tells Half-Day Alice - glumly playing with a lighter - that she'll put some money toward the bills. With the two or three full shifts she manages to work a year that could be upward of £80 in the next twelve months, looks like any potential financial woes of yours are over, Alice! She thrusts money into Alice's hand...
Max wakes up Joey for his day in court and having only an hour to get ready, he goes to see his sister, entering the room as Kat leaves and thus ensues another ill advised attempt to have Alice and Joey interact. Apparently nobody told Alice how her father died, which seems strange... not just because that's usually what normal people do but also because recounting the hilarity of Derek's demise would surely bring some levity to the situation - it will also raise awareness that ants-in-the-pants can be a fatal condition and knowing is half the battle!
Proving she's not just Alice of the Half-Day but also Alice of the Half-Brain, she is only just now working out that there was more than one person present when her father died and is apparently not best pleased at this revelation... or she could be trying to remember the capital of Bhutan - that's easy, it's Thimphu and the currency is the Bhutanese ngultrum!
Max comes to remind Joey he's got to go to court and so, Alice interrogates him about the death of her father but for Max lying comes as easily as breathing and with only half a brain, the poor girl is completely flummoxed by the eloquent gruntings of Max but she's suspicious enough to go to interrogate the rather less intellectual Jack.
Joey has apparently said Derek died begging for help - that's funny, seemed more like he cursed everyone's names and then had a fatal attack of ants-in-the-pants! Jack then just does the shockingly sensible thing of telling Alice the truth - that the Hogfather had a massive ants-in... sorry, HEART ATTACK and they all just watched and there was nothing anyone could do... Alice seems to focus on the fact no one was with him in his final moments... which seems fairly pointless as it's unlikely he'd have any useful consciousness... if only she had a brain...
Her job is not yet done though and so, she must interrogate Kat about the death of her father. Kat says she thought Derek was joking... she's not the only one! Then takes the bold step of saying she stopped Joey from help the Hogfather... This causes Alice to storm off... even though none of this makes a blind bit of difference.
Having pieced together this elaborate puzzle, she is able to tell Joey that it wasn't his fault... unless that's going to turn into the Robin Williams "It's not your fault" scene from "Good Will Hunting" (which it doesn't), that doesn't make a lick of sense but anything to get this dismal pair less screentime!
Masood, Zainab and Geordie Racer are doing cooking - hey, they're pretty good at this! Maybe they should consider setting up some kind of catering business! Zainab offers some relationship advice to Geordie Racer - the way to a man's heart is through his stomach (false, it's through the rib cage) - but really, do you want to take advice from a woman who ended up marrying the man who tried to BURN HER TO DEATH?! Geordie Racer instantly agrees and they agree a practice run. When? TONIGHT, OF COURSE! But from the expression on Geordie Racer's face - she is not at all prepared to cook as she is expected to... will wacky hijinks ensue?!
Goodness, could these be wacky hijinks? Masood walks in to find Geordie Racer making a real hash of things in the kitchen and for no adequately explained reason, Masood has to teach her to cook NOT Zainab. That we next see them side by side with Masood telling Geordie Racer she must find what her taste is seems to be setting up another slightly unwholesome relationship vibe... And Zainab tries the food and loves it!
Kat - despite having earlier thrust money into Alice's hand - is apparently jobless and comes across Bianca, who seems to be working very hard to take the title of "Walford's Biggest Loser" from Billy Idiot. If you'd forgotten that Bianca has been living hand to mouth since... well, always - she's standing there with her shoe falling to pieces. Why so subtle, Crayon Crew? Why not have her clothing torn and smear some dirt on her face too? This misery is sufficiently apparent to Kat that she just lets Bianca go for a job put up in the Minute-Mart window.
Or not as she turns up at the club to talk to Sharon about the cleaning job personally. Kat says she's do anything that pays... it's hard see this storyline ending up in anything other than Kat as a prostitute now... The only surprise there is that in a show as thoroughly woman hating as Eastenders is that it took so long but we're not quite there yet as Bianca arrives and the two are set against one another to clean the already pristine toilets of the club - goodness, it's like no one ever uses this place!
Kat gets the job but as if the Crayon Crew haven't bashed you over the head with the message that Bianca is hard-up, she has to fix her falling apart shoe again and Kat immediately talks to Sharon and goes to see Bianca and now they will share the job 50/50 - thus ensuring neither of them get a living wage! This immediately makes them BFFs.
Oh and a black teenager turns up, stares suspiciously at the car lot. Gives Abi a tenner he pretends she dropped, follows her into the caffffffffff and helps her revise and later stands outside her house with a picture of her and one of Lauren... Just another day in Walford!
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