Lauren is the butt of Tanya and Abi's joke as they tease her for laundering, then she heads out and Cora accuses her of thieving her money. Cora tries to play coy.
Sensing a Phil plot imminent, Shirley lurks near the gardens as Deni plays within, shouting to Phil.
Pointless Poppy and Arfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur are still intent on supporting Dot's attempt to become church warden. The heart pounding action doesn't let up!
Shirley gives Phil a hard time about Deni and tells him he needs to put Sharon straight... why? He made it pretty clear, several times.
Tanya doesn't believe that Lauren could steal from Cora! She really is slow.
Max has bought something for the nursery - for the non-existent baby. Awkward!
King Phil turns up to the Arches in a bad mood and takes it out on the feckless cretins that work there... well, they had the audacity to lie to him. Three jobs in a morning? The Arches is lucky to get that a MONTH. Hell, a YEAR. That would be like Max swaggering into the Vic telling everyone he'd sold five cars.
More pointless Dot drama!
King Phil is being stroppy with Janine at the club - funny, it seemed like they'd both forgotten it existed - before Sharon turns up. Phil asks after Dennis and plays nice... one of his characteristic changes of heart, eh?
Lauren has apparently thrown up on her clothes and not noticed! Anyway, she confides in Abi she thieved from Cora to buy booze.
Turns out Lola isn't sleeping because she's trying to raise Lexi herself.
Even more pointless Dot drama!
Sharon seems to think King Phil is the best thing since sliced bread when it comes to raising kids - presumably due to him still being in mother goose mode. Then she tries to put the moves on him. Then has the audacity to say that she was just there for her son before stropping off. Sure you were, you lying whore.
Abi apparently thinks that being in a romantic relationship means that you can demand money from your partner... Classy. Oh and then from Dexter Fletcher. Stay classy.
For reasons beyond the ken of mortal man, Phil is considering calling Sharon but then Lexi to the rescue as Lola drops her off.
Tanya confronts Lauren about her thieving but as she's an idiot, makes a right hash of things and she strops off just as Max comes in and the worst thing she could possibly do is tell Lauren's father about this problem. GENIUS! Then she goes off for a drink but isn't served at the Vic and gets herself in a tizz. Fortunately a big glass of water is on hand to comfort her.
Oh, wait - it's Joey. Evil Lucy - somehow KNOWING this is happening despite being inside the caff, comes out and tells Joey to help her with the bins, which he does... and this results in Lauren giving evil Lucy one of those indecisive slap/punches that women seem to do in Walford, which knocks her to the ground... and then she starts wielding a sugar shaker as if it's a grenade and whoops, it went through the cafffffffffffffffffff's window AND SHE HASN'T EVEN HAD A DRINK!
Thursday, 30 May 2013
Wednesday 29th May 2013
The Lips continues her tissue thin lies.
Tanya apologies to Dot for her daughter's thieving - then comes the shouting.
Deadbeat Dad tries to be civil to Ava and Dexter Fletcher - oh dear.
Kim decides to make a change. DUN DUN DUN!
Climate change certainly has made for weird weather in Walford as it's snowing at the end of June... no one even remarks upon this. Turns out Lauren is going to work in the laundrette with Cora.
The excitement turns up a notch when Dot's chance to become a church warden are discussed. Although, they're scuppered when Pointless Poppy and ARFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR decide to help.
Tanya tells the hilarious lie to The Lips that Max is a good father... So good you wanted to bury him alive? And why does Kirstie wear hula hoops on her ears?
Ava browbeats her son into having lunch with her...
Lauren's laundrette experience drags on... maybe she'll be snowed in?!
Deadbeat Dad introduces himself to Max in the Vic, they both agree that Cora is a terrible person. Then Ava comes along to rain on their parade.
The Lips has a genius plan - CANCEL THE APPOINTMENT!
Kim is clearly upset about breaking up with Ray.
Deadbeat Dad gets a hilariously hypocritical message from Cora... you can't just swan into someone's life. Oh, right. You mean like you did, you daft old bat?
Dot schmoozes Poxy, to practice her "people skills" as envisaged by Pointless Poppy.
Kim's mental breakdown nears as she declares "NEW KIM IS COMIN'!"
Cora finally gets around to asking Lauren about her drinking problem but then Dot comes round. She's trying to sweet talk Cora but things inevitably go wrong when she sees Lauren - because apparently now Lauren STOLE the money... get a grip, Dot! You practically threw it at her.
Max - having been told by The Lips that the appointment was cancelled - turns up to shout his incoherent word slurry at a bewildered receptionist who is presumably struggling both with the incoherent noise he's making, the fact neanderthals are alive and well and that people wear hula hoops on their ears asks him to slow down. Before the receptionist can reveal the truth, Kirstie has a panic attack.
Ava and Deadbeat Dad shouty shouty. Hey, remember when Ava seemed to be a normal person and not one of the cookie cutter Walford shrieking harridans? The Crayon Crew don't!
Kirstie does a runner from the clinic.
After having told Tanya that Lauren was a good girl, Cora finds her wallet a little lighter... and then we see the wayward teen with a bottle of wine. Clearly, Tanya's plan to stop her drinking was flawless!
Kim decides not to change her look - thus rendering the entire subplot... COMPLETELY POINTLESS!
Kirstie tries to come clean about the pregnancy but unfortunately, Max can't keep his mouth shut long enough to hear her confession. What a plonker.
Tanya apologies to Dot for her daughter's thieving - then comes the shouting.
Deadbeat Dad tries to be civil to Ava and Dexter Fletcher - oh dear.
Kim decides to make a change. DUN DUN DUN!
Climate change certainly has made for weird weather in Walford as it's snowing at the end of June... no one even remarks upon this. Turns out Lauren is going to work in the laundrette with Cora.
The excitement turns up a notch when Dot's chance to become a church warden are discussed. Although, they're scuppered when Pointless Poppy and ARFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR decide to help.
Tanya tells the hilarious lie to The Lips that Max is a good father... So good you wanted to bury him alive? And why does Kirstie wear hula hoops on her ears?
Ava browbeats her son into having lunch with her...
Lauren's laundrette experience drags on... maybe she'll be snowed in?!
Deadbeat Dad introduces himself to Max in the Vic, they both agree that Cora is a terrible person. Then Ava comes along to rain on their parade.
The Lips has a genius plan - CANCEL THE APPOINTMENT!
Kim is clearly upset about breaking up with Ray.
Deadbeat Dad gets a hilariously hypocritical message from Cora... you can't just swan into someone's life. Oh, right. You mean like you did, you daft old bat?
Dot schmoozes Poxy, to practice her "people skills" as envisaged by Pointless Poppy.
Kim's mental breakdown nears as she declares "NEW KIM IS COMIN'!"
Cora finally gets around to asking Lauren about her drinking problem but then Dot comes round. She's trying to sweet talk Cora but things inevitably go wrong when she sees Lauren - because apparently now Lauren STOLE the money... get a grip, Dot! You practically threw it at her.
Max - having been told by The Lips that the appointment was cancelled - turns up to shout his incoherent word slurry at a bewildered receptionist who is presumably struggling both with the incoherent noise he's making, the fact neanderthals are alive and well and that people wear hula hoops on their ears asks him to slow down. Before the receptionist can reveal the truth, Kirstie has a panic attack.
Ava and Deadbeat Dad shouty shouty. Hey, remember when Ava seemed to be a normal person and not one of the cookie cutter Walford shrieking harridans? The Crayon Crew don't!
Kirstie does a runner from the clinic.
After having told Tanya that Lauren was a good girl, Cora finds her wallet a little lighter... and then we see the wayward teen with a bottle of wine. Clearly, Tanya's plan to stop her drinking was flawless!
Kim decides not to change her look - thus rendering the entire subplot... COMPLETELY POINTLESS!
Kirstie tries to come clean about the pregnancy but unfortunately, Max can't keep his mouth shut long enough to hear her confession. What a plonker.
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Tuesday 28th May 2013
It's Kim's birthday and apparently they're celebrating her imminent departure from the Square... it can't come soon enough but Denise is apparently not telling her something. DUN DUN DUN!
Tanya wakes Lauren up by pouring water over her... why does she always sleep on the sofa?
Denise points that Kim moving out means she won't be able to run the business, also she and Ray JUST got back together and she's moving in with him... valid points which Kim responds to by flouncing off.
Sharon is telling her son yet another pack of lies - seriously, this Kinder Egg kid is going to be an emotional car crash before he even HITS puberty - and then Shirley pops up, like a mysterious stranger but instead of giving useful advice, it's just the usual "Phil is bad." Eastenders - never afraid to stick with just that one note!
Tanya engages in step one of Lauren alcoholism skirmish because after months and months NOW is the time to act... and not by getting her into counselling or anything just by giving her a talking to.
Even The Lips seems to be realising the immense levels of her own stupidity as Max brags to Dot about going for a scan - and obviously, Dot has to prattle on about knowing it's a boy. Sigh.
Kim gets a cocktail in the Vic and because the plot requires it, Ray has been to Walford General for a personality transplant over the bank holiday weekend and has become all manipulative and controlling - despite never having shown any signs of this before. Fortunately, Denise highlighted all of these previously non-existent traits earlier so that Kim isn't shocked.
Half-Day Alice continues to be a part to the Count Moonula machinations but Pointless Poppy tells her she needs to stand up to Michael and Janine.
Tanya asks Denise not to serve Lauren alcohol but again, showing insight uncommon for Walford - Denise points out that if Lauren wants to get drunk, she'll manage and given she's in one of the largest cities in the world... it seems pretty much a given she'll find somewhere to sell her booze. WHICH IS WHY SHE SHOULD BE GETTING COUNSELLING!
Lauren goes for a chat with Dot - apparently (and make sure you're not drinking anything) she can't talk to her mother because she's always "wrapped up in work". That is laugh out loud funny, it really is - spoken mere moments after we see Tanya walking around the Square doing anything BUT work. Then she cons Dot into giving her some money... the council clearly waived the thousands of pounds in arrears as well as ignoring proper legal procedure. GRITTY REALISM!
Half-Day Alice seems pleased when Janine shows a shred of human decency and lets her go to the party... that IS pretty surprising.
King Phil again shows why it's good to be king because he's the only person in Walford that can call Sharon on her obvious lies because when she comes saying she's there for her freakish son, he sees through the ruse immediately. He did miss a prime opportunity to tell her to sling 'er 'ook though. Oh well.
Morgan, Kim and Ray are playing some manner of game console because Ray has actually managed to remember that the reason he moved to the Square was to be near his estranged son. Said son remarks on the fact that him moving away won't be the same... Oh and Ray forgets to include Kim when he says family, UHOH!
Lauren gets turned down for buying booze at the shop, only for Evil Lucy to snarkily say her mother has pulled out "all the stops" because the Vic and the shop are the ONLY places in London that sell booze, of course! GRITTY REALISM!
Count Moonula gives Half-Day Alice a predictable hard time for going to the party against his behest.
Lauren having heard about Kim's party plays the dutiful daughter to her mother... for all of two minutes because next thing you know, she has rolled up to said party, apparently already drunk... it's starting to seem as if just a proximity to alcohol makes the girl drunk.
Phil has one of his characteristic changes of heart and says Dennis can come and visit ANY time.
The new Ray is talking about how Essex will be a good place for Kim to better herself... That's not controlling or manipulative, that's like asking water to stop being wet... Does going to Essex necessarily entail social refinement - there seem to be several television programmes dedicated to showing how it's a breeding ground for sub-humanoids who future generations will presumably have to purify with fire... but then, upon reflection - that WOULD still be a step up from Walford. Even after it was razed to the ground by atomic fire.
Denise tells Lauren to stop drinking but she ignores her and again showing uncanny insight for a Walford resident, she just calls Tanya (totally taken in by her daughter's two seconds of good behaviour) who is shocked that she'd be at a party. Quite. How could that two second peptalk have failed?! Needless to say, in true Lauren style - she's already five or six sheets to the wind at Kim's as she practically accosts her friends, demanding to dance.
SUDDENLY! A WILD CAKE APPEARS! LAUREN USES DRUNKEN DANCING! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! If you didn't see that one coming, you need your eyes checked. Tanya immediately springs forth to escort her daughter home... and then Pointless Poppy presents Kim with the most hidious orange his and hers... "onesies" ever, Ray reacting with the kind of disgust most men approaching middle age would.
Lauren is already throwing up - good grief, she goes from sober to plastered to puking to passed out faster than most people put on a pair of shoes. Tanya and Max then have a conversation where she lies about Lauren for... no good reason because that makes total sense and isn't a contrived way to generate artificial tension!
What's a good place to take a baby? A party because Janine turns up to unload her baby on Alice... who then just jaunts off herself. We're then treated to the sight of Kim looking more awful than usual in her orange jumpsuit... is she getting ready to go to jail in the USA? Then Ray says it's time for them to say their goodbyes... wait, why did they have to leave DURING their own party?
For some reason, being handed a baby unexpectedly causes Alice's brain to break and she goes into the shop and steals some granulated gravy. DUN DUN DUN!
Shirley unironically comments on how Kim isn't going to the moon... actually, if it wasn't obvious from Ray's sudden personality transplant that Kim wasn't going to go through with this, she'd be in contact more often if she was on the moon. Anyway, Kim has her epiphany that Ray isn't the man for her because he doesn't "get her" and a bunch of other generic problems that were never mentioned before. Another great Walford romance ends not with a bang but a "did anyone give a damn?"
Tanya wakes Lauren up by pouring water over her... why does she always sleep on the sofa?
Denise points that Kim moving out means she won't be able to run the business, also she and Ray JUST got back together and she's moving in with him... valid points which Kim responds to by flouncing off.
Sharon is telling her son yet another pack of lies - seriously, this Kinder Egg kid is going to be an emotional car crash before he even HITS puberty - and then Shirley pops up, like a mysterious stranger but instead of giving useful advice, it's just the usual "Phil is bad." Eastenders - never afraid to stick with just that one note!
Tanya engages in step one of Lauren alcoholism skirmish because after months and months NOW is the time to act... and not by getting her into counselling or anything just by giving her a talking to.
Even The Lips seems to be realising the immense levels of her own stupidity as Max brags to Dot about going for a scan - and obviously, Dot has to prattle on about knowing it's a boy. Sigh.
Kim gets a cocktail in the Vic and because the plot requires it, Ray has been to Walford General for a personality transplant over the bank holiday weekend and has become all manipulative and controlling - despite never having shown any signs of this before. Fortunately, Denise highlighted all of these previously non-existent traits earlier so that Kim isn't shocked.
Half-Day Alice continues to be a part to the Count Moonula machinations but Pointless Poppy tells her she needs to stand up to Michael and Janine.
Tanya asks Denise not to serve Lauren alcohol but again, showing insight uncommon for Walford - Denise points out that if Lauren wants to get drunk, she'll manage and given she's in one of the largest cities in the world... it seems pretty much a given she'll find somewhere to sell her booze. WHICH IS WHY SHE SHOULD BE GETTING COUNSELLING!
Lauren goes for a chat with Dot - apparently (and make sure you're not drinking anything) she can't talk to her mother because she's always "wrapped up in work". That is laugh out loud funny, it really is - spoken mere moments after we see Tanya walking around the Square doing anything BUT work. Then she cons Dot into giving her some money... the council clearly waived the thousands of pounds in arrears as well as ignoring proper legal procedure. GRITTY REALISM!
Half-Day Alice seems pleased when Janine shows a shred of human decency and lets her go to the party... that IS pretty surprising.
King Phil again shows why it's good to be king because he's the only person in Walford that can call Sharon on her obvious lies because when she comes saying she's there for her freakish son, he sees through the ruse immediately. He did miss a prime opportunity to tell her to sling 'er 'ook though. Oh well.
Morgan, Kim and Ray are playing some manner of game console because Ray has actually managed to remember that the reason he moved to the Square was to be near his estranged son. Said son remarks on the fact that him moving away won't be the same... Oh and Ray forgets to include Kim when he says family, UHOH!
Lauren gets turned down for buying booze at the shop, only for Evil Lucy to snarkily say her mother has pulled out "all the stops" because the Vic and the shop are the ONLY places in London that sell booze, of course! GRITTY REALISM!
Count Moonula gives Half-Day Alice a predictable hard time for going to the party against his behest.
Lauren having heard about Kim's party plays the dutiful daughter to her mother... for all of two minutes because next thing you know, she has rolled up to said party, apparently already drunk... it's starting to seem as if just a proximity to alcohol makes the girl drunk.
Phil has one of his characteristic changes of heart and says Dennis can come and visit ANY time.
The new Ray is talking about how Essex will be a good place for Kim to better herself... That's not controlling or manipulative, that's like asking water to stop being wet... Does going to Essex necessarily entail social refinement - there seem to be several television programmes dedicated to showing how it's a breeding ground for sub-humanoids who future generations will presumably have to purify with fire... but then, upon reflection - that WOULD still be a step up from Walford. Even after it was razed to the ground by atomic fire.
Denise tells Lauren to stop drinking but she ignores her and again showing uncanny insight for a Walford resident, she just calls Tanya (totally taken in by her daughter's two seconds of good behaviour) who is shocked that she'd be at a party. Quite. How could that two second peptalk have failed?! Needless to say, in true Lauren style - she's already five or six sheets to the wind at Kim's as she practically accosts her friends, demanding to dance.
SUDDENLY! A WILD CAKE APPEARS! LAUREN USES DRUNKEN DANCING! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! If you didn't see that one coming, you need your eyes checked. Tanya immediately springs forth to escort her daughter home... and then Pointless Poppy presents Kim with the most hidious orange his and hers... "onesies" ever, Ray reacting with the kind of disgust most men approaching middle age would.
Lauren is already throwing up - good grief, she goes from sober to plastered to puking to passed out faster than most people put on a pair of shoes. Tanya and Max then have a conversation where she lies about Lauren for... no good reason because that makes total sense and isn't a contrived way to generate artificial tension!
What's a good place to take a baby? A party because Janine turns up to unload her baby on Alice... who then just jaunts off herself. We're then treated to the sight of Kim looking more awful than usual in her orange jumpsuit... is she getting ready to go to jail in the USA? Then Ray says it's time for them to say their goodbyes... wait, why did they have to leave DURING their own party?
For some reason, being handed a baby unexpectedly causes Alice's brain to break and she goes into the shop and steals some granulated gravy. DUN DUN DUN!
Shirley unironically comments on how Kim isn't going to the moon... actually, if it wasn't obvious from Ray's sudden personality transplant that Kim wasn't going to go through with this, she'd be in contact more often if she was on the moon. Anyway, Kim has her epiphany that Ray isn't the man for her because he doesn't "get her" and a bunch of other generic problems that were never mentioned before. Another great Walford romance ends not with a bang but a "did anyone give a damn?"
Friday, 24 May 2013
Friday 24th May 2013
Lauren slinks in to the kitchen but SURPRISE! It's not booze!
Kirstie apparently hasn't learned how locks work as Max WALKS IN ON HER IN THE TOILET. Stay classy Max. He also pries the phone from her hand to call the SUPER DEREK CRIME BOSS('s brother) to tell him to stay away and then absconds with his wife's phone despite her protestations.
King Phil deflates as the lack of Lexi gets to him.
Kirstie turns up to get her phone back but Max is not obliging and she only gets it back due to him being distracted.
Cora tells Tanya that Lauren reminds her of her at that age.
Ray has been staying over at the B&B and it seems that Sharon has moved in there too.
Cora gives Lauren a peptalk... she's big on those today!
Jack tries to help Sharon but that's immediately thrown back in his face - no good deed...
Arffffffffffffffuuuur gets roped into cooking due to a family emergency for Ray... because it's totally legal and reasonable to get bar staff in the kitchen.
Max continues to badger The Lips about her evil ex and then he goes to see Jack in the warehouse - which has a couple of people! Jack's expert opinion is that The Lips is all about 'ard men.
Lauren is in the salon and lies to her mother about having friends - no one in Walford has friends! They have A friend (tops).
Ray's family emergency apparently lasted all of five minutes and now Kim is in the mix. Goodness.
Dot has reappeared from nowhere - or whatever creature that has now replaced Dot - someone has been thieving from the local church and inevitably, Dot is
Having done some work at the salon, Tanya hands her alcoholic daughter money and encourages her to have a bottle of wine... GREAT PARENTING!
Ray is under pressure because of his daughter! Isn't she supposed to be staying with her mother? And are the two or three meals the Vic has a week really sufficient to tax a professional Anyway, he wants to spend time with his daughter but a conveniently placed Patrick is there to tell him it'll break Kim's heart... just as well she's stupid enough to forget it after she sees something shiny.
Max is doing his best to be an 'ard man by turning up to get a beating. Seems as if he remembered what happened last time and had his own back-up in the form of Jack... because that's totally going to put off a criminal low life and not encourage retaliation!
Kim takes the news of Ray's departure pretty well.
Tanya asks Sharon what went wrong with King Phil - lies ensue! Then she tries to get back with Phil, he's having none of it!
Lauren is in the allotments when Patrick comes upon her boozing.
Max seems very pleased with himself when he goes to see The Lips but she tells him he's an idiot.
Ray decides to take Kim away with him... which might be a big deal if she didn't live within easy travel distance.
Lauren reveals to Patrick she has no friends and that her life is terrible and he tells her to go home and tell her mother.
The Lips does her passive aggressive best to show she's unhappy with Max but he promises he can protect her!
Tanya has potentially twigged that Lauren has an alcohol problem (again). Oh and Lauren says she's not going to stop because she likes it.
Kirstie apparently hasn't learned how locks work as Max WALKS IN ON HER IN THE TOILET. Stay classy Max. He also pries the phone from her hand to call the SUPER DEREK CRIME BOSS('s brother) to tell him to stay away and then absconds with his wife's phone despite her protestations.
King Phil deflates as the lack of Lexi gets to him.
Kirstie turns up to get her phone back but Max is not obliging and she only gets it back due to him being distracted.
Cora tells Tanya that Lauren reminds her of her at that age.
Ray has been staying over at the B&B and it seems that Sharon has moved in there too.
Cora gives Lauren a peptalk... she's big on those today!
Jack tries to help Sharon but that's immediately thrown back in his face - no good deed...
Arffffffffffffffuuuur gets roped into cooking due to a family emergency for Ray... because it's totally legal and reasonable to get bar staff in the kitchen.
Max continues to badger The Lips about her evil ex and then he goes to see Jack in the warehouse - which has a couple of people! Jack's expert opinion is that The Lips is all about 'ard men.
Lauren is in the salon and lies to her mother about having friends - no one in Walford has friends! They have A friend (tops).
Ray's family emergency apparently lasted all of five minutes and now Kim is in the mix. Goodness.
Dot has reappeared from nowhere - or whatever creature that has now replaced Dot - someone has been thieving from the local church and inevitably, Dot is
Having done some work at the salon, Tanya hands her alcoholic daughter money and encourages her to have a bottle of wine... GREAT PARENTING!
Ray is under pressure because of his daughter! Isn't she supposed to be staying with her mother? And are the two or three meals the Vic has a week really sufficient to tax a professional Anyway, he wants to spend time with his daughter but a conveniently placed Patrick is there to tell him it'll break Kim's heart... just as well she's stupid enough to forget it after she sees something shiny.
Max is doing his best to be an 'ard man by turning up to get a beating. Seems as if he remembered what happened last time and had his own back-up in the form of Jack... because that's totally going to put off a criminal low life and not encourage retaliation!
Kim takes the news of Ray's departure pretty well.
Tanya asks Sharon what went wrong with King Phil - lies ensue! Then she tries to get back with Phil, he's having none of it!
Lauren is in the allotments when Patrick comes upon her boozing.
Max seems very pleased with himself when he goes to see The Lips but she tells him he's an idiot.
Ray decides to take Kim away with him... which might be a big deal if she didn't live within easy travel distance.
Lauren reveals to Patrick she has no friends and that her life is terrible and he tells her to go home and tell her mother.
The Lips does her passive aggressive best to show she's unhappy with Max but he promises he can protect her!
Tanya has potentially twigged that Lauren has an alcohol problem (again). Oh and Lauren says she's not going to stop because she likes it.
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Thursday 23rd May 2013
Lola has started having nightmares about not having Lexi... just the other day she was having a panic attack about having her back. People don't half run hot and cold in Walford!
Lauren was drunk again, sick and everything - which begs the question how is she paying for all this boozing? Her mother is clearly not best pleased with it - although, she'll probably be ignoring it again soon enough - and as Lauren hasn't started her job yet, it seems likely that she's being funded by the bank of mum and dad...
Kirstie still isn't preggers, which causes her to snap at Poxy (who is going on about her attempts to get a bun in the oven).
Lola's big day in court and everyone is giving her the generic pep talk. King Phil then drops the bombshell that Sharon won't be coming... you'd think that would cause Lola to jump for joy but not, she simply gets more agitated but if there's an event that doesn't exacerbate the agitation of people in Eastenders (although, most especially the womenfolk).
Masood is invited around for tea with Carol en familie. Goodness.
The machinations of Moonula come to fruition as Half-Day Alice delivers him his daughter in the park for a secret visit.
Jack (yes, he's still back - sigh) and Tanya decide to have a chat to Lauren. Instead of addressing her alcohol abuse, a couple of sentences from them about being worried about her and all she has to do is assure them she's going to get back to her college work (whatever it might be)... and they're back to not being worried!
At the court, mere moments after King Phil has decreed Sharon won't be coming, everyone's least favourite human comes clippity clop, clippity clop into the court house. Lola's immediate reaction is to look as if a knife wielding maniac covered in blood has just entered the room... which is what a normal person would do if they saw Sharon coming their way, so well done to her for that but Sharon is looking very pleased with herself for some reason.
Max finds Kirstie at home and is surprised she's not at work - funny, shouldn't you be at work too? Then it turns out that someone is getting out of prison and Kirstie is scared!
King Phil exposes Sharon's drug use and showing what a guileless creature she is, Lola admits to knowing of Sharon's problem. Oops. This is obviously a prime time for King Phil to kick off at not just Sharon but Lola AND Billy Idiot too - great timing, just great. Then he storms off.
It turns out Kirstie's ex-Carl (or maybe Karl?) is TEN TIMES WORSE THAN DEREK! And he's going to track her down like a blood hound!
Billy Idiot stands in front of King Phil's car, having stopped being an invertebrate for a brief period of time. He goes on to give the usual heart warming speech about how he loves Lola and how Lexi won't make up for Phil's mistakes but proceedings still get under way without him.
Michael has in fact, taken liberties with Half-Day Alice's generosity.
Phil returns to the court and after a long dramatic pause, says Lola would be a great mother.
Masood has to bail on his date with Misery Guts Carol because Christian and Syed are sick... weren't they off traveling the globe?
Lola is happy to have Lexi back. Aww.
Tanya realises that Lauren was just doodling in her notebook and sighs. What's that supposed to mean?!
King Phil sits alone in his house. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
The episode ends on the shocking cliffhanger of Lola putting Lexi to bed.
Lauren was drunk again, sick and everything - which begs the question how is she paying for all this boozing? Her mother is clearly not best pleased with it - although, she'll probably be ignoring it again soon enough - and as Lauren hasn't started her job yet, it seems likely that she's being funded by the bank of mum and dad...
Kirstie still isn't preggers, which causes her to snap at Poxy (who is going on about her attempts to get a bun in the oven).
Lola's big day in court and everyone is giving her the generic pep talk. King Phil then drops the bombshell that Sharon won't be coming... you'd think that would cause Lola to jump for joy but not, she simply gets more agitated but if there's an event that doesn't exacerbate the agitation of people in Eastenders (although, most especially the womenfolk).
Masood is invited around for tea with Carol en familie. Goodness.
The machinations of Moonula come to fruition as Half-Day Alice delivers him his daughter in the park for a secret visit.
Jack (yes, he's still back - sigh) and Tanya decide to have a chat to Lauren. Instead of addressing her alcohol abuse, a couple of sentences from them about being worried about her and all she has to do is assure them she's going to get back to her college work (whatever it might be)... and they're back to not being worried!
At the court, mere moments after King Phil has decreed Sharon won't be coming, everyone's least favourite human comes clippity clop, clippity clop into the court house. Lola's immediate reaction is to look as if a knife wielding maniac covered in blood has just entered the room... which is what a normal person would do if they saw Sharon coming their way, so well done to her for that but Sharon is looking very pleased with herself for some reason.
Max finds Kirstie at home and is surprised she's not at work - funny, shouldn't you be at work too? Then it turns out that someone is getting out of prison and Kirstie is scared!
King Phil exposes Sharon's drug use and showing what a guileless creature she is, Lola admits to knowing of Sharon's problem. Oops. This is obviously a prime time for King Phil to kick off at not just Sharon but Lola AND Billy Idiot too - great timing, just great. Then he storms off.
It turns out Kirstie's ex-Carl (or maybe Karl?) is TEN TIMES WORSE THAN DEREK! And he's going to track her down like a blood hound!
Billy Idiot stands in front of King Phil's car, having stopped being an invertebrate for a brief period of time. He goes on to give the usual heart warming speech about how he loves Lola and how Lexi won't make up for Phil's mistakes but proceedings still get under way without him.
Michael has in fact, taken liberties with Half-Day Alice's generosity.
Phil returns to the court and after a long dramatic pause, says Lola would be a great mother.
Masood has to bail on his date with Misery Guts Carol because Christian and Syed are sick... weren't they off traveling the globe?
Lola is happy to have Lexi back. Aww.
Tanya realises that Lauren was just doodling in her notebook and sighs. What's that supposed to mean?!
King Phil sits alone in his house. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
The episode ends on the shocking cliffhanger of Lola putting Lexi to bed.
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Tuesday 21st May 2013
While totally expected, it's still very disappointing that Sharon is alive... King Phil demands to know if Lexi took any pills, despite the fact he found her playing with the bottle and the lid was on it... not to mention he asks the passed out Sharon if she took any and she then proceeds to count them... do people USUALLY keep count of how many pills are in a bottle? Needless to say, King Phil is not best pleased and storm out.
Billy Idiot and Ava are finally having their date - yawn. Oh and Ava says she doesn't want interruptions - so we can guess what's going to happen.
Ray and Kim are flirting again. Dull.
Jack disturbs Max and The Lips mid-coitus... in the portacabin. Whatever floats your boat, eh?
King Phil drops Lexi off on Lola... and Lola is suspicious.
Abi is apparently riled by seeing Lauren drunk, so she insists Jay stop work and take her to a film... Why would this regular turn of events get her in a state?
Jack has nothing to stay in Walford for... good. Now just get out.
Lola is so excited about having Lexi back, she calls Billy Idiot. This prompts him to go on about how he missed so much with her growing up - kind of like your actual kids that you never see or talk about. You'd think they'd rank higher than your granddaughter...
King Phil has rumbled Sharon! Unlike detective Tanya who went pretty much swallowed hook, line and sinker a ridiculous series of lies (some of which she knew were untrue) that Sharon concocted, King Phil is a little more discerning... Which is when Sharon turns nasty or maybe that should be nastier because the implication she's anything other than nasty is patently false.
Michael and Jack meet and Michael isn't best pleased at Jack disappearing. Goodness, that might be the closest we've gotten to consequences for someone's immediate and unannounced departure from the Square in a while...
Lola seems anxious about having Lexi and has so invited all her friends around, presumably for her breakdown later.
Sharon having been provided an opportunity to come clean, naturally continues to do the exact opposite. Which doesn't mean
Kim continues to flirt with Ray - sigh.
Joey - in danger of being overshadowed by the curtain he's standing next to - asks a drunk Lauren to accompany him on a walk.
Lola is still angsting about being a mother.
Sharon continues to be in denial but again, King Phil rumbles her transparent lies... ah, this is rather enjoyable... let's hope a public flogging and humiliating detox by being locked in a room is on the cards!
When Joey doesn't want to kiss, Lauren does some shouting! Then she runs off into the arms of uncle Jack. Just leave, Jack - no on wants you.
Billy Idiot apologises for saying he missed time with Lola. A strange step but it seems to imply Ava may not be as over her ex as she used to be.
The mute Amy somehow sees Jack - who should be a total stranger to her - and waves to him.
Are Kim and Ray back together, it seems like it.
Billy Idiot has cottoned on to Ava being fixated on her ex.
Sharon - despite having attended meetings - is unable to admit that she's an addict and after some chitchat, one of the greatest scenes in recent years occur. The horrifying person of Sharon being forcibly ejected from Phil's house by none other than the King himself!
Monday, 20 May 2013
Monday 20th May 2013
King Phil laments the imminent emancipation of Lexi to Sharon, who tells him that nothing is going to change before she clippity clops outside in her hoofheels.
Janine is treating Half-Day Alice like a lackey - according to Billy Idiot... who "has to put up with it". Why? Because she's the only person stupid enough to hire you?
Sharon apparently thinks she spied Jack! DUN DUN DUN!
For some reason DA YOUFFFFFF have to push a car in the market, with Twitney looking at leathery as ever.
And ohoh, Jack really was back. Damnit.
Dexter Fletcher spies his Deadbeat Dad in the caffffffffffff... shouting would ensue if not for an extremely rare occurrence, a timely intervention and from Cora of all people!
Alice moans about Michael using her - it's a bit a late for that, dear... being a pawn in his machinations isn't a half-day job either!
Dexter goes to shout at his mother, presumably to give her a chance to shout some more.
Sharon is on THE DRUGS... but then, Joey interrupts!
Ava goes to have a go at Deadbeat Dad.
Janine tries to be nice to Alice by asking her out to lunch.
Turns out Jack just had a leak but then Sharon announces what kind of woman she is by saying she jumped in bed with Phil in the kind of manner that generally leads to a slap in the face but then she's all poe faced as she rushes off.
The King Phil and Jack stare at each other... that was anti-climactic.
Janine has apparently managed to arrange an intimate lunch for two in her own home at the drop of a hat... Complete with waiter... It makes a change from the caffffffffffffff, at least.
King Phil asks why Sharon didn't tell him about Jack being back. No real answer.
Turns out Alice doesn't like the fancy lunch and neither does Janine.
Proving he's unimaginably tolerant of the world's worst human, Jack tells Sharon he just wants what's best for her and doesn't want to hurt her feelings or anything.
Count Moonula is pleased with the progress Alice is making. DUN DUN DUN!
Kim expresses her bafflement to Billy Idiot about Ray and they then agree both agree to find out they stand with their love interests.
King Phil is being all fatherly with Dennis - which is good because Sharon has pretty much forgotten he exists.
Speaking of the world's worst human being, having mixed alcohol and pills (again), she shouts at Joey for having the impudence to ask where the hell she was.
Lauren is drunk again - when did that happen?!
Lots of nothing and then King Phil returns home to find Sharon passed out and Lexi playing with a bottle of pills like a rattle. It's just disappointing she's not dead, AGAIN.
Janine is treating Half-Day Alice like a lackey - according to Billy Idiot... who "has to put up with it". Why? Because she's the only person stupid enough to hire you?
Sharon apparently thinks she spied Jack! DUN DUN DUN!
For some reason DA YOUFFFFFF have to push a car in the market, with Twitney looking at leathery as ever.
And ohoh, Jack really was back. Damnit.
Dexter Fletcher spies his Deadbeat Dad in the caffffffffffff... shouting would ensue if not for an extremely rare occurrence, a timely intervention and from Cora of all people!
Alice moans about Michael using her - it's a bit a late for that, dear... being a pawn in his machinations isn't a half-day job either!
Dexter goes to shout at his mother, presumably to give her a chance to shout some more.
Sharon is on THE DRUGS... but then, Joey interrupts!
Ava goes to have a go at Deadbeat Dad.
Janine tries to be nice to Alice by asking her out to lunch.
Turns out Jack just had a leak but then Sharon announces what kind of woman she is by saying she jumped in bed with Phil in the kind of manner that generally leads to a slap in the face but then she's all poe faced as she rushes off.
The King Phil and Jack stare at each other... that was anti-climactic.
Janine has apparently managed to arrange an intimate lunch for two in her own home at the drop of a hat... Complete with waiter... It makes a change from the caffffffffffffff, at least.
King Phil asks why Sharon didn't tell him about Jack being back. No real answer.
Turns out Alice doesn't like the fancy lunch and neither does Janine.
Proving he's unimaginably tolerant of the world's worst human, Jack tells Sharon he just wants what's best for her and doesn't want to hurt her feelings or anything.
Count Moonula is pleased with the progress Alice is making. DUN DUN DUN!
Kim expresses her bafflement to Billy Idiot about Ray and they then agree both agree to find out they stand with their love interests.
King Phil is being all fatherly with Dennis - which is good because Sharon has pretty much forgotten he exists.
Speaking of the world's worst human being, having mixed alcohol and pills (again), she shouts at Joey for having the impudence to ask where the hell she was.
Lauren is drunk again - when did that happen?!
Lots of nothing and then King Phil returns home to find Sharon passed out and Lexi playing with a bottle of pills like a rattle. It's just disappointing she's not dead, AGAIN.
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